Anonymous wrote:While I wouldn’t necessarily you a “horrible” person for not caring on whether you see your friend’s kids or not - - I personally think it is a little odd.

Reason being is that if you have a good friendship w/someone ➕ you are very close w/them it seems to me that you would by default be close to their loved ones too > especially their children.

Why would you think that? Are you close to your friends’ family members? I’m not, I barely know most of them, if at all. I prefer to hear about what they are doing than actually hang out with them but I despise playing with kids. Many people like it, many people don’t. Fine either way.

No.

Why is everyone being so mean to OP. I doubt her friend does not want to “ use her time” differently but rather she loves her kids and thinks that her friend would love to see them!

I think it’s fine you want to see your friend and have uninterrupted conversation. I have friends from all parts of my life ( childhood, college, career, neighborhoods). All dear friends from those roles. Some of them I would absolutely want to see the kids! Others not as our friendships are different.

And family is different so she’s not a bad person for making the distinction. And, yes, there is some friends that are like family and she likely also knows that and made the distinction.

Funnily enough, I am texting this morning with my dh’s best friend from college ( who became my best friend/a women) she’s godmother to our children and she texts….had a great conversation yesterday with one of our dcs. She would always want to see my kids. Just know your friend group.

I think it’s kind of mean that you make exceptions for family but appear to sneer at your friend’s kids. I like seeing my friends with and without their kids. Context matters.

Really interesting insight from the SAHM who posted. Clearly your friend doesn’t want to use her kid free time on you. Maybe she’s picked up that you don’t like her kids and she’s not going to bend over backwards to accommodate your desires.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids, OP?

Yes, they are grown.

Ah, ok I just saw this and now I get it. You forget what it's like. That explains it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP won't say whether she herself has kids. Odd.

Why? So you can post something dumb like you don't have kids so you don't understand 1111.
Ignoring the fact that several other parents have said they don't want to hang out with their friends kids.

As usual keep the BS to yourself.

No, not because they necessarily "wouldn't understand" but because it's likely relevant to the OP's thinking and world view.

Maybe OP just plain doesn't like kids and never plans on having any. Maybe she HAS kids and wants a break from them. Or maybe she can't have kids and being around her friends' kids is painful and/or makes her jealous.

It's clearly a relevant question.

What's also relevant is how close the friendship is. Are they long close friends or something less than that?

Just saying "I don't want to meet my friends with their kids" without any context isn't saying much.

Anonymous wrote:I find other people's kids irritating. I will smile and pretend, but I really don't care about your kid, and I hate it when a friend brings her little kids along.

I would rather you cancel than show up with your kid.

Same. One of the worst things about having kids, having to hang out with other kids. I love my own and tolerate a few others but If I want to catch up with a friend and instead have to sit and occupy a child I am annoyed.

I enjoy seeing my friends' kids but in an age appropriate location. If we are hanging out with kids under 11 let's meet at a kid friendly place (or take a walk, or something active). Not a restaurant. I do not like to hang out with bored misbehaving kids at a restaurant.

I like seeing my friends with and without their kids. I will do play dates where I hang out with the parents while the kids play, and I also meet my friends for lunch while kids are in school or have a babysitter during working hours.

Occasionally I will meet a friend for dinner solo while my husband is with the kids or we will go out as a couple if we have a babysitter. If you don’t have a regular babysitter or grandparents nearby, finding a babysitter can be a pain.

One of my favorite things in life is to get together with my friends I've known since we were teenagers an young adults and watch our children play together. It is immensely satisfying. My kids have a strong group of mixed age family friends they see regularly and I get time with my buddies too

I don’t mind my friend’s kids around. I feel like I am able to tune them out. They can enter my brain space when I invite them in.
Most mom friends want to talk about other stuff besides the kids.

I find other people's kids irritating. I will smile and pretend, but I really don't care about your kid, and I hate it when a friend brings her little kids along.

I would rather you cancel than show up with your kid.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, especially if I have known them since they were small. It's so important that kids have adults who know them over a long time. And kids are inherently interesting to me.

+1

Yes. I like to inquire about who they were in past lives. Kids are much more willing to just come right out with it than their moms / my friends are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and she just doesn’t want to use her school time having lunch with you for some reason. Maybe she has plans.

It sounds like this to me too. When I was a SAHM, I would have much preferred to hang out with just the friend. So I’m thinking she has other plans or would rather do something else when her kids are in school.

Or maybe her kids really like you and want to see you.

That is quite flattering in my opinion.