Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:14     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate not being rich right now. DC has athletic recruiting offers to some top SLAC schools, but they don't do athletic or merit scholarships. I ran the NPCs and we get zero financial aid at all of them, but they're just too expensive for us to pay full price.

Now DC has to either 1) go to lower ranked schools offering athletic/merit scholarships or 2) forego athletic recruitment and just apply EA to state schools or shot gun in regular decision in hopes of merit.

Tonight I have to tell DC that they can't go to either of the SLAC's that they really want and have offers to. And we're not prepared with essays because we spent oodles of time on recruiting on top of an intensive year round sports schedule.

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale for donut hole parents of younger athletic recruits. Don't waste your time on recruiting unless you can either pay full price, your kid is good enough to get a hefty scholarship at one of the few good schools that offers athletic scholarships *and wants to go to these larger schools*, or you qualify for significant FA.

Have him contact Grinnell. Merit aid and, if it’s the same as last year, 20k merit if you apply ED.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:10     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate not being rich right now. DC has athletic recruiting offers to some top SLAC schools, but they don't do athletic or merit scholarships. I ran the NPCs and we get zero financial aid at all of them, but they're just too expensive for us to pay full price.

Now DC has to either 1) go to lower ranked schools offering athletic/merit scholarships or 2) forego athletic recruitment and just apply EA to state schools or shot gun in regular decision in hopes of merit.

Tonight I have to tell DC that they can't go to either of the SLAC's that they really want and have offers to. And we're not prepared with essays because we spent oodles of time on recruiting on top of an intensive year round sports schedule.

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale for donut hole parents of younger athletic recruits. Don't waste your time on recruiting unless you can either pay full price, your kid is good enough to get a hefty scholarship at one of the few good schools that offers athletic scholarships *and wants to go to these larger schools*, or you qualify for significant FA.


The harsh reality is that these are your DS's choices whether he plays sports or not. You can't afford the top privates, regardless.

My DCs were not college-caliber athletes, but given our financial situation their choices for college were private schools that offer merit aid (that is, not the tops ones), lower ranked publics that had reasonable tuition for OOS students (or offered merit to OOS students), and in-state publics. These will also be your DS's choices. Honestly, it's fine. The only problem is that your son had hopes up for something different. My kids did not, because we informed them from the outset that there was no point in even thinking about certain schools.

Note that your DS can get a fine education at a school that offers merit/athletic scholarships, just like my DCs did. (I had one go to an SLAC offering merit and another go to our in-state flagship. Both had good experiences--learned tons and made good friends--and now have good jobs.)


DP. This gets to the heart of the matter. Whether it is sports, other ECs, starting charities, doing 1000s of hours of community service, none of it will matter when they give you an edge getting in but the school is just too expensive.

And that is why we hear stories now about kids who are burned about from doing all the things, only to end up where they could have without all of that.

There can be other benefits to doing those things. I’m the PP who said swimming has done a world of good for my DC, even if he does not end up swimming in college.

All of these ECs only help when you are very well funded full pay and aiming for very top schools.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 17:00     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Look, I think it’s an important lesson for both kids and parents to understand: you don’t always get to be as successful or the position that you want in life. It’s a good life lesson in general.

My son was a state champion in track and broke a lot of school records. He also is strong academically, although not Ivy League. We are upper middle class and cannot afford a $90,000 year SLAC.

He is ultimately running club track at a large D1 university where he could never make the times to be one of the 20 slots that are open to men on the D1 team. He could’ve easily run D3, and continued his running journey. It just would’ve prolonged the fact that he would’ve had to stop team sports at the end of college anyway.

It’s not really a donut hole problem either. Frankly, schools have an imbalance of where they put their money with athletics anyway. Athletics and college academics don’t really mix very well. They now have sixth and seventh year undergraduate players playing NCAA football. It’s a business model that’s broken, just like healthcare.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:54     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your story!! People have rose colored glasses on.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:47     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:DD is at an Ivy playing her sport. She got zero financial aid. She's now a sophomore and has been a really hard road. She doesn't get much playing time and doesn't get along with her teammates very much. The students at the school are a little weird because they are so so smart and she still working on making friends. The grass is not always greener. In hindsight, I would have encouraged her skip to D1 and just go in-state as a regular applicant.


My sibling was in this position at an Ivy. Quit the team. Nothing at all the school can do about it. Enjoy college.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:46     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate not being rich right now. DC has athletic recruiting offers to some top SLAC schools, but they don't do athletic or merit scholarships. I ran the NPCs and we get zero financial aid at all of them, but they're just too expensive for us to pay full price.

Now DC has to either 1) go to lower ranked schools offering athletic/merit scholarships or 2) forego athletic recruitment and just apply EA to state schools or shot gun in regular decision in hopes of merit.

Tonight I have to tell DC that they can't go to either of the SLAC's that they really want and have offers to. And we're not prepared with essays because we spent oodles of time on recruiting on top of an intensive year round sports schedule.

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale for donut hole parents of younger athletic recruits. Don't waste your time on recruiting unless you can either pay full price, your kid is good enough to get a hefty scholarship at one of the few good schools that offers athletic scholarships *and wants to go to these larger schools*, or you qualify for significant FA.


If it’s any consolation, the odds were high he would go to one of these schools and either get cut from the team, quit from burnout or get injured before the four years were up anyway.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:43     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
DD is at an Ivy playing her sport. She got zero financial aid. She's now a sophomore and has been a really hard road. She doesn't get much playing time and doesn't get along with her teammates very much. The students at the school are a little weird because they are so so smart and she still working on making friends. The grass is not always greener. In hindsight, I would have encouraged her skip to D1 and just go in-state as a regular applicant.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:42     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think athletes who are going to be D1 athletes probably already kinda know that in 9th grade. It’s a tough decision, to scale back in the sports. But you have to be rationale about it. My kids have been happier after scaling back and/or leaving their sports to find other activities. There are so many things to try out in high school.


This. My kids dropped club spots and just played varsity beginning in 10th grade because it was clear that they were not going to be D1 athletes. We had seen too many kids commit to third tier D3 liberal arts schools with merit aid in order to play in college and not have to pay $95K as an athlete at Bowdoin or Carleton or similar.



I see this so often and it's baffling to me. This was the end goal? Your kid playing a sport and some crap college? And these are kids who could get in somewhere better.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:35     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Have SLAC’s made offers already? OP, did you run any NPCs in the past year as your child considered schools? I am sorry the numbers didn’t work for your child, but this situation shouldn’t be a surprise to you.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:34     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
I don't think its at all called for to be snide and attack this parent. The fact is it is hard to predict ahead of time how your kid will do academically let alone athletically to be proactively ruling out whole categories of colleges
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:17     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate not being rich right now. DC has athletic recruiting offers to some top SLAC schools, but they don't do athletic or merit scholarships. I ran the NPCs and we get zero financial aid at all of them, but they're just too expensive for us to pay full price.

Now DC has to either 1) go to lower ranked schools offering athletic/merit scholarships or 2) forego athletic recruitment and just apply EA to state schools or shot gun in regular decision in hopes of merit.

Tonight I have to tell DC that they can't go to either of the SLAC's that they really want and have offers to. And we're not prepared with essays because we spent oodles of time on recruiting on top of an intensive year round sports schedule.

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale for donut hole parents of younger athletic recruits. Don't waste your time on recruiting unless you can either pay full price, your kid is good enough to get a hefty scholarship at one of the few good schools that offers athletic scholarships *and wants to go to these larger schools*, or you qualify for significant FA.


The harsh reality is that these are your DS's choices whether he plays sports or not. You can't afford the top privates, regardless.

My DCs were not college-caliber athletes, but given our financial situation their choices for college were private schools that offer merit aid (that is, not the tops ones), lower ranked publics that had reasonable tuition for OOS students (or offered merit to OOS students), and in-state publics. These will also be your DS's choices. Honestly, it's fine. The only problem is that your son had hopes up for something different. My kids did not, because we informed them from the outset that there was no point in even thinking about certain schools.

Note that your DS can get a fine education at a school that offers merit/athletic scholarships, just like my DCs did. (I had one go to an SLAC offering merit and another go to our in-state flagship. Both had good experiences--learned tons and made good friends--and now have good jobs.)
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:17     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate not being rich right now. DC has athletic recruiting offers to some top SLAC schools, but they don't do athletic or merit scholarships. I ran the NPCs and we get zero financial aid at all of them, but they're just too expensive for us to pay full price.

Now DC has to either 1) go to lower ranked schools offering athletic/merit scholarships or 2) forego athletic recruitment and just apply EA to state schools or shot gun in regular decision in hopes of merit.

Tonight I have to tell DC that they can't go to either of the SLAC's that they really want and have offers to. And we're not prepared with essays because we spent oodles of time on recruiting on top of an intensive year round sports schedule.

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale for donut hole parents of younger athletic recruits. Don't waste your time on recruiting unless you can either pay full price, your kid is good enough to get a hefty scholarship at one of the few good schools that offers athletic scholarships *and wants to go to these larger schools*, or you qualify for significant FA.


How did you not know this before you took your kid to these schools as options for them?

Fiscal responsibility is part of going to college.


This is unnecessarily nasty. OP is figuring out the game now - and the game definitely sucks for families in her position - and is warning others. Why do you feel need to jump down her throat?


Why, because if she had taken 10 minutes to look up the prices of these LACs and how much they offer she would have known this before her kid got so attached. Parenting fail.

Finances are 100% a part of going to college.

She wasn't honest with her kid from the start. That is also a parenting fail.

Nor was she honest about her kid's abilities.

Signed parent of more than one Div 1 player and extremely high academic stats. Who made sure her kids knew exactly how much every single college was going to cost before my kids applied. And that they would be on track with a major to get a job upon graduation. Which they did, and they all went to graduate school as well.

I am sure she never talked to her kid about majors and what they will do if they get no play time and lose the scholarship for sophomore year from injury, etc. So many variables that OP failed to discuss as a parent. Why, because OP was wrapped up in their kids' sports and not the long-term goal, which is life skills.

OP came on to social media whining about her failures as a parent. She created with mess with unrealistic expectations.





You sound like a nightmare.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:13     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I hate not being rich right now. DC has athletic recruiting offers to some top SLAC schools, but they don't do athletic or merit scholarships. I ran the NPCs and we get zero financial aid at all of them, but they're just too expensive for us to pay full price.

Now DC has to either 1) go to lower ranked schools offering athletic/merit scholarships or 2) forego athletic recruitment and just apply EA to state schools or shot gun in regular decision in hopes of merit.

Tonight I have to tell DC that they can't go to either of the SLAC's that they really want and have offers to. And we're not prepared with essays because we spent oodles of time on recruiting on top of an intensive year round sports schedule.

I hope this serves as a cautionary tale for donut hole parents of younger athletic recruits. Don't waste your time on recruiting unless you can either pay full price, your kid is good enough to get a hefty scholarship at one of the few good schools that offers athletic scholarships *and wants to go to these larger schools*, or you qualify for significant FA.


How did you not know this before you took your kid to these schools as options for them?

Fiscal responsibility is part of going to college.


This is unnecessarily nasty. OP is figuring out the game now - and the game definitely sucks for families in her position - and is warning others. Why do you feel need to jump down her throat?


Why, because if she had taken 10 minutes to look up the prices of these LACs and how much they offer she would have known this before her kid got so attached. Parenting fail.

Finances are 100% a part of going to college.

She wasn't honest with her kid from the start. That is also a parenting fail.

Nor was she honest about her kid's abilities.

Signed parent of more than one Div 1 player and extremely high academic stats. Who made sure her kids knew exactly how much every single college was going to cost before my kids applied. And that they would be on track with a major to get a job upon graduation. Which they did, and they all went to graduate school as well.

I am sure she never talked to her kid about majors and what they will do if they get no play time and lose the scholarship for sophomore year from injury, etc. So many variables that OP failed to discuss as a parent. Why, because OP was wrapped up in their kids' sports and not the long-term goal, which is life skills.

OP came on to social media whining about her failures as a parent. She created with mess with unrealistic expectations.



Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:10     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Youth sports is such a racket.


There are many, many other reasons besides athletic scholarships why it is good for kids to do sports.


There are different types of youth sports. There is the type where it is fun, play with neighborhood kids once or twice a week, parent coaches, builds character, etc. Then there are those who are profiting off of it that chew up and spit out a lot of kids. If I had a nickel for every kid who is spending a fortune on traveling soccer or baseball when realistically they have zero chance of it turning into something (but they think it will), I would be very wealthy.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2025 16:07     Subject: Hating donut hole life: athletic recruiting version
Anonymous wrote:Youth sports is such a racket.


There are many, many other reasons besides athletic scholarships why it is good for kids to do sports.