Anonymous wrote:I would give $38k to the couple: $19k from each you and spouse, and the same to the single child.

+100

Your parents must have a sizeable estate to pay for many grandkids' college tuition. My parents are really concerned about being fair between their direct descendants, so they give equal gifts to each kid to manage for their family/kids as they choose. Grandkids don't directly inherit unless their parent predeceases them, then they inherit per stripes.

My parents' estate is not as sizeable as you might think, especially when divided by seven kids - they helped pay for grandkids' college, but they absolutely did not pay all costs. Their contributions were meaningful but not so much that we didn't all save for college as well. Basically, I have a parent that really prioritized the importance of an education and wanted future generations to do the same. But the rest of what you said applies to my family as well - parents wanted to be completely fair between their children, so the ultra high net worth sib inherited the same as the teacher.

I would tell you that I have two partners and I need $19k for both of them. What are you thinking! Looking for trouble? Your child's spouse is not your child.

OP, first of all -- don't have the 19K/yr matter -- at all. All you have to do is fill out 1 IRS form if you give more during any one year. It is no big deal.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t forget, you can each give $19,000 to each individual. So the max is 38,000 to each individual. You could do 38k to the couple and 38k to the individual. It’s not like you’re required to max out the exemption. But yes, this should all be part of an overall plan anyway.

If you run up on the end of the year, do even gifts and make a point to figure it out for next year. It’s not so terrible not to max it out this year.

I have three kids and I don’t think I would be comfortable gifting more to one than another. I don’t feel like I have to equalize all of the spending it took to raise our kids. Some were college material, one needed a lot of medical care. But gifts are different to me.

I also don’t feel like I want to gift my kids’ spouses. So, I’d be giving $38k to each of my kids, not $38k, $19k and $19k. If my kids with spouses wanted to make that money joint, which is how my spouse and I have handled gifts we’ve received from family throughout the years (though, nothing like that amount of money), they can make that decision.

Your children are lucky that you can do this and that you are being so thoughtful about it.

The estate tax exemption this year is just shy of $14 million for one person and $28 million for a married couple. At that level of wealth, I'd would gift spouses, as the $19k annual gift is a rounding error and your children will inherit millions. You could call it a birthday present -- it is not overly generous for a family with so many resources.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with just give $19k to each child from each of you ($38k total given in two checks). None to spouse, spouse is getting it through his spouse. That’s how my parents do it. It’s fair that way. My husband would never wonder why my parents didn’t write a separate check with his name on it- when they give us the check we think of it as them giving it to “us.” And we would ALWAYS assume the exact same amount is given to sibling.

+1 And aside from fairness issues, so many marriages don’t last. I wouldn’t be giving money directly to daughter’s spouse.

I agree with just give $19k to each child from each of you ($38k total given in two checks). None to spouse, spouse is getting it through his spouse. That’s how my parents do it. It’s fair that way. My husband would never wonder why my parents didn’t write a separate check with his name on it- when they give us the check we think of it as them giving it to “us.” And we would ALWAYS assume the exact same amount is given to sibling.

I don’t understand how all these people who are like “everything should be equal” are all fine with per stirpes. Then it’s only equal for one generation anyway.

I see the new spouse as a daughter or son in law, which makes them an individual at the annual gift table. It is even, if you give each person the same amount. The spouses can keep it separate or not, but imo you’re just saying that in laws get annual gifts, not that the married kid gets double.

I mean the housekeeper can get an annual gift too. It’s not a birthright. It’s a gift.

Anonymous wrote:I have six siblings, and each of us has between 1-4 kids. My parents helped pay college tuition for every grandkid, same amount per kid, and it never occurred to me or any of my sibs to complain that others received more (indirectly) because they had more kids so took more from the potential estate. Similarly, I disagree with all those saying unmarried kids are getting an unequal amount if parents gift to siblings and their spouses/grandkids. These are all separate people and you can’t “roll up” the family and attribute gifts to each of them to just the one child of the grantor. FWIW, my sibs and I are all over the place financially and definitely not similarly situated.

Your parents must have a sizeable estate to pay for many grandkids' college tuition. My parents are really concerned about being fair between their direct descendants, so they give equal gifts to each kid to manage for their family/kids as they choose. Grandkids don't directly inherit unless their parent predeceases them, then they inherit per stripes.

If your estate is worth over 14M, like you suggest, you really should talk to a professional to reduce your tax liability.

That said, for a 14M+ estate, 38k is around 0.2% of the estate. It is a rounding error. If the couple has a brood of kids and you keep giving everyone 38k a year, and you should to limit your taxes, maybe in 20-30 years you need to make an adjustment, but for now no one cares.