I don't understand what you are complaining about.

My guess is that you need structure. Even if not a job, perhaps just you need to get up and out of the house. Things that helped me:

- yoga 3x per week - teachers got to know and expect me (“hey! We missed you on Wednesday!” things like this go a long way for someone like me; not necessarily searching for friendships but a sign that I’m really there and not some invisible person at home)

- workouts 2x per week - endorphins!

- coffee at the same coffee shop where I’d nod to other regulars and the workers got to know me by name and know my drink. Again, just about recognition and feeling solid in the world.

Fwiw- I struggle with depression/anxiety and adhd (the old ADD, really). I need to be rigid with myself. If not, I’m home, on the sofa, eating crap, feeling like crap, watching crap, and always exhausted from the nothingness of my days. I’d be weirdly calm on the exterior, but raging, crying, and desperately lonely inside so no one ever knew.

I work part time now and am trying to find new meaning and structure with the added pressure.

It’s all hard and a big-ass hill to climb. But if I can do it, I promise that you can too ❤️

NP It's sad and also fascinating to me that employment seems to be a common suggestion and often can be the answer, assuming that it doesn't become an additional stressor.

I'm finding it true for myself, that although I hated working, I feel kind of adrift without it and wonder what the lack of the mental and psychological stimulation of a job is doing to my brain.

Also, OP, I think you may have ADHD. Like another poster said, you might do better with external/extrinsic motivation. For example, if someone was depending on you, you would probably do the thing. For whatever reason, you may not do the thing when you are the one relying on yourself.

If the above is true, don't feel bad. I have done the same thing. ADHD meds have helped me with it, but I sometimes still struggle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sorts of things do you like to do? What do you enjoy? Often times, depression is structural. It is deeply depressing to look after a family all day and have nothing for yourself.

That is so true. I am grateful to SAH but my whole life is facilitating the lives of others. It’s a bit depressing. I don’t even know what I like anymore.

That may have been true in the past but your kids are teens now, and it doesn't have to be the case in the future. To find out what you like to do, trying different things will be necessary.

Take a class in something. If you don't like it, stop. You have now found out you don't like it.

When your family leaves for the day, leave with them. Go get groceries or take a walk. Use their movement out the door to inspire you to get out the door. If you find you hate walking, stop. Then try something else.

The only way you will figure out what you like is to try. Imagine if your kids said they did not know what to study in college so they just decided to spend all day in bed. What would you say to them?

Anonymous wrote:Are you actually upset about laying around all day or just feeling guilty? Cause if you’re busy and active 6-8 and 3-11 and view that as your work, than that’s a 10 hour work day and you’re just spending the hours others spend sitting around in the evenings sitting around during the day.

Also, if you’re only sleeping 11-6, maybe you’re legitimately tired! I would be - that’s not enough sleep for me.

But if you are depressed than I agree with signing up for something. Maybe a class at a rec center or volunteering (NOT for school or kid stuff).

This is a good point. The “day time” is your down time, much like how the evening is your down time if you’re working a regular office job with a commute. I don’t think you need to feel guilty about that.

I like the suggestion about getting a pet and maybe volunteering somewhere a day or two a week. Not with kids/at the school though, something else entirely.

A job would help.

Structure.

I was awful on maternity leaves. Everything felt monumental- any simple task.

Everytime I went back to work I had so much more energy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need some structure to your day - not necessarily a job or a volunteer position.

My only input would be to just invest in your health. Do a bunch of activities - walking, aqua fitness, dance class - but with a bunch of different friends. Piece all of this in a way that you can have the routine of an hour's worth of activity, but also socialize.

Other than that...putting nap time and netflix time in your schedule is also very valid.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your adrenal fatigue of many years caught up with you. You can get away with being a slug - so you are behaving like a slug. That's all there is to it.

This is so true. Maybe I'm not depressed I am just so. dang. TIRED. Adrenal fatigue for sure

Maybe the quality of your sleep is poor? Have you done a sleep study?

Anonymous wrote:You sound pampered since you have the leisure to lie in bed all day. You don't have toddlers anymore and you have too much time on your hands. I would suggest a part time job. A full time job might be a bit of a shock from your life of leisure. Part time and then you'll still have plenty of hours in the week to watch Netflix, exercise, cook, read etc.

You sound pampered since you have the leisure to lie in bed all day. You don't have toddlers anymore and you have too much time on your hands. I would suggest a part time job. A full time job might be a bit of a shock from your life of leisure. Part time and then you'll still have plenty of hours in the week to watch Netflix, exercise, cook, read etc.

Anonymous wrote:Are you actually upset about laying around all day or just feeling guilty? Cause if you’re busy and active 6-8 and 3-11 and view that as your work, than that’s a 10 hour work day and you’re just spending the hours others spend sitting around in the evenings sitting around during the day.

Also, if you’re only sleeping 11-6, maybe you’re legitimately tired! I would be - that’s not enough sleep for me.

But if you are depressed than I agree with signing up for something. Maybe a class at a rec center or volunteering (NOT for school or kid stuff).

Yeah that’s a good point, and maybe it’s more like 10-6:30 that I sleep so I do get enough. I have needy children with learning stuff so I do a lot of homework and sports with them and driving, so I literally never relax or watch tv at night, when the kids go to bed so do I so maybe I need that time during the day… but I think it’s a bit of both; depression too.

Are you actually upset about laying around all day or just feeling guilty? Cause if you’re busy and active 6-8 and 3-11 and view that as your work, than that’s a 10 hour work day and you’re just spending the hours others spend sitting around in the evenings sitting around during the day.

Also, if you’re only sleeping 11-6, maybe you’re legitimately tired! I would be - that’s not enough sleep for me.

But if you are depressed than I agree with signing up for something. Maybe a class at a rec center or volunteering (NOT for school or kid stuff).

Employment can be an option to try but its not a cure for depression. Its bound to lead to anxiety though if you have to do all or most of your existing duties on top of it.

I was depressed with a very busy job so its not about your employment status, its about you needing therapy and fun activities.

You might be like me - I need externally imposed places to be and things to do. If it were in my hands, I'd stay in bed all day. I could never be a SAHM or WFH or do well with a lot of free time, but as a working mom involved in a lot of community activities, I do pretty well most of the time. I have a job where people are depending on me, live in front of me, and that keeps me focused. Maybe it's ADHD or depression, who knows? The best thing to do is to craft a life that works for your personality.