Anonymous
09/15/2025 17:10
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:My kids are allowed to root around their own house. It's my job to make sure any presents are well-hidden. If they make a mess, or appropriate stuff without asking permission, then I have a problem with that.
You need to clarify to yourself, and the rest of the household, what's allowed and why. But if you didn't tell him the rules explicitly beforehand, you cannot punish him, OP.
Why would your kids root through your closet? Op had already told her son not to, so a consequence is reasonable.
Op I think I would have returned the clothes. Not knowing your son I can't recommend a consequence.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:40
Subject: Re:What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:OP, by reacting so big to what happened, you are inadvertently teaching him that material things are very important, that gaining access to material things is an indication that you are good, and that depriving others of access to material things is how you punish them for being bad.
If this happened to me, I'd laugh about it, take the clothes back, and make him help me organize my closet but also turn that into a bonding time (he'd have to help me sort things and put them away but we could listen to a fun podcast or make a game of it). I'd also give him the clothes as planned at Christmas but include a note making a joke about how snooping is how you spoil surprises. I'd keep the other child out of it entirely.
By getting so angry at him, you are increasing his focus and longing for material things, putting him in direct competition with is bother for acquisitions of material goods, and planting this seed that life is all about getting stuff.
If you’d “laugh about it” you’re a terrible parent and do not deserve to be offering advice. Ridiculous. Literally everything you wrote is ridiculous.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:11
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Do you do a lot of snooping yourself? My kids are teens now and never did anything like this, but there have been a couple of kids who have come over in years past and tried to snoop around. I assumed that their families didn't have very good boundaries. Sounds like instead of trying to craft a punishment, you need to do a little work on how boundaries are established and respected in your home (this includes for the adults).
Anonymous
09/15/2025 14:03
Subject: Re:What would your consequence to this be?
OP, by reacting so big to what happened, you are inadvertently teaching him that material things are very important, that gaining access to material things is an indication that you are good, and that depriving others of access to material things is how you punish them for being bad.
If this happened to me, I'd laugh about it, take the clothes back, and make him help me organize my closet but also turn that into a bonding time (he'd have to help me sort things and put them away but we could listen to a fun podcast or make a game of it). I'd also give him the clothes as planned at Christmas but include a note making a joke about how snooping is how you spoil surprises. I'd keep the other child out of it entirely.
By getting so angry at him, you are increasing his focus and longing for material things, putting him in direct competition with is bother for acquisitions of material goods, and planting this seed that life is all about getting stuff.
If this happened to me, I'd laugh about it, take the clothes back, and make him help me organize my closet but also turn that into a bonding time (he'd have to help me sort things and put them away but we could listen to a fun podcast or make a game of it). I'd also give him the clothes as planned at Christmas but include a note making a joke about how snooping is how you spoil surprises. I'd keep the other child out of it entirely.
By getting so angry at him, you are increasing his focus and longing for material things, putting him in direct competition with is bother for acquisitions of material goods, and planting this seed that life is all about getting stuff.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 13:54
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:9 year olds know what stealing is.
They should, and should know it's wrong. OP's 9 year old doesn't because he keeps doing it. That's a parenting issue. There's a disconnect there that needs to be addressed.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 13:51
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
You need to nip this before he sneaks alcohol or meds.
I have a 9 year old and boxes of candy and presents and all sorts of things. It does not even occur to her to snoop or take anything. Trust would be completely broken.
Either he is defiant or thrill seeking or just needs attention. The latter is easier the former is harder.
I would have multiple conversations about trust and integrity and what it means to be part of a family etc etc. not just one big lecture but continuous.
I wouldn't give clothes to his brother as that's not a natural consequence. Put them away, give him one or whatever. But we don't make a big deal of Christmas presents.
If this happened here DH would totally set a glitter bomb booby trap or something.
I have a 9 year old and boxes of candy and presents and all sorts of things. It does not even occur to her to snoop or take anything. Trust would be completely broken.
Either he is defiant or thrill seeking or just needs attention. The latter is easier the former is harder.
I would have multiple conversations about trust and integrity and what it means to be part of a family etc etc. not just one big lecture but continuous.
I wouldn't give clothes to his brother as that's not a natural consequence. Put them away, give him one or whatever. But we don't make a big deal of Christmas presents.
If this happened here DH would totally set a glitter bomb booby trap or something.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 13:37
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
He's a 9 yr. Old entitled spoiled brat and this is the fault of bad or no parenting.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 13:27
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:Seems perfectly normal behavior. Were you not a child yourself once?
NP. I was a child and I would never have invaded the personal area of anyone in the family. Taking money from anyone's purse without permission is stealing!
I don't think you overreacted OP.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:20
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Seems perfectly normal behavior. Were you not a child yourself once?
Agree. Children are curious. What if it was a box full of candy ?
The OP needs better parenting skills. Why make the situation worse by creating sibling rivalry ? And why did you buy the wrong size for your 9 year old ?
Tip for OP: Don't leave the car keys out in the open.
Many of my friends were like this when we were young; most grew up to be policemen or firemen. Completely normal behavior for a curious child.
What the heck? Parents can’t leave their car keys out in the open now? Where should we store them? I am scared for society after reading this.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:19
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
People saying you need to hide it better are blowing my mind. A nine year old should know it’s crossing a line to enter mom’s closet and take clothes out of a taped shut box. You do NOT need to hide things better in your own home. That is a character issue. (I’m also curious where you people store your lube and vibrators - lock them up?). Everyone in a house has a reasonable expectation of privacy in their own bedrooms/space.
Taking cash is also a huge red flag. I don’t have great advice on how to handle. I don’t think your reaction was great but it was not as awful as people are claiming. What did your husband suggest as an alternative? You are IMO doing the right thing by giving major consequences.
Taking cash is also a huge red flag. I don’t have great advice on how to handle. I don’t think your reaction was great but it was not as awful as people are claiming. What did your husband suggest as an alternative? You are IMO doing the right thing by giving major consequences.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:09
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:Seems perfectly normal behavior. Were you not a child yourself once?
Agree. Children are curious. What if it was a box full of candy ?
The OP needs better parenting skills. Why make the situation worse by creating sibling rivalry ? And why did you buy the wrong size for your 9 year old ?
Tip for OP: Don't leave the car keys out in the open.
Many of my friends were like this when we were young; most grew up to be policemen or firemen. Completely normal behavior for a curious child.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 00:42
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Anonymous wrote:Op here, I just want to say I have told him several times not to go into my closet and take things that aren’t his. And this brand was baseball 101 so it wasn’t just clothes but ones the boys are obsessed with (where I live at least) he knew I wasn’t home so went snooping. He should have known better.
9 year old should not be home alone.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 00:41
Subject: What would your consequence to this be?
Normal. Hide it better. Mean to give it to sibling.