Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

OP here. Yes I work 20 hours a week and frankly it’s the best part of my day.

Ok so your DH is by far the breadwinner. Doesn’t seem fair to complain about his absence when you chose to marry an attorney

When I was 24 I had no clue what a lawyer did or that it was “normal” to work like this. Did you have perfect clarity at 24? My parents worked lower paid jobs that were basically just 40 hours per week. I frankly had no idea then that people worked in offices at 9pm.

Probably not. But if OP is honest she might admit that she has enjoyed the spoils of his hard work through the years.

’


Just eat sht and die, sorry you could neither earn nor attract a higher earner.

Cue your lies about your happiness and your wealth. Liar.

How has that worked out for you? You sure sound happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kids hear no on takeout plenty, They accept the answer - doesn’t stop them from asking the next time.

Yeah, I’m pretty frustrated with spouse. He knows this. He claims he’s trying to work less but it’s not always possible. It’s been going on forever (law firm) - I like him as a person and like him when we are together but I don’t like the burden on me because of his absence. And he is totally dismissive when I try to explain other families don’t live like this.

What a loser this H is

^ no partner, has never had one, never will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse is also at a law firm and works like this so I can commiserate. It’s a totally insane way to live and it seems like everyone they work with is just ok with it?

Do you work OP?

OP here. Yes I work 20 hours a week and frankly it’s the best part of my day.

Ok so your DH is by far the breadwinner. Doesn’t seem fair to complain about his absence when you chose to marry an attorney

When I was 24 I had no clue what a lawyer did or that it was “normal” to work like this. Did you have perfect clarity at 24? My parents worked lower paid jobs that were basically just 40 hours per week. I frankly had no idea then that people worked in offices at 9pm.

Probably not. But if OP is honest she might admit that she has enjoyed the spoils of his hard work through the years.

’


Just eat sht and die, sorry you could neither earn nor attract a higher earner.

Cue your lies about your happiness and your wealth. Liar.

Anonymous wrote:Gosh it feels like such a slog. Constant driving, listening to vents/dramas/complaints, cooking food no one is around to eat, but then also being constantly asked for takeout food, my evenings don’t really belong to me. I’m simultaneously too busy to do much for myself, yet totally bored and lonely. Spouse works a ton and helps where he can but, ugh. They tell me thanks and that I am appreciated but I don’t actually feel appreciated.

I know I will be sad when they are gone, I know. But is there any way to actually enjoy this? Because I’m not.

It is a slog. I did not enjoy the teen years, but I got through it. I listened to audio books when I was driving a lot, but would shut it off when the kids got in the car, because I found that was the time to listen to them. If they aren't ready to talk, agree with giving them control over the music. For food during that time I got really into making dinner early, and letting people eat at their leisure. Pulled pork and crockpot meals were great.

Then on Sunday, early afternoon, we'd have take out lunch on the back porch. It really was the only time all five of us could carve out between jobs, activities, and whatever else was on the calendar.

You make small enjoyable pockets of time rather than enjoying every second of every day.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Kids hear no on takeout plenty, They accept the answer - doesn’t stop them from asking the next time.

Yeah, I’m pretty frustrated with spouse. He knows this. He claims he’s trying to work less but it’s not always possible. It’s been going on forever (law firm) - I like him as a person and like him when we are together but I don’t like the burden on me because of his absence. And he is totally dismissive when I try to explain other families don’t live like this.

What a loser this H is

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 14 y o is one of the most interesting people I know. I don't let her on tik tok so I don't have to hear about that drama, but she's very attuned to pop culture and current events without it and we have good discussions about that, her school work or things she's reading for fun, broadway musicals, kpop, food trends, you name it.

How is this contributing to the discussion?

DP. Op could spend more time focusing on what’s interesting about her kids and minimize what annoys her. I’m a puzzle fan myself but that doesn’t really touch the kind of boredom and loneliness that OP seems to mean.

Currently solo parenting and OP, I feel this so deeply.

Can you schedule some friend hang time? It won't fill the hole of not having DH around to just be comfortable with, but just chilling with a good friend would probably help a lot.

Anonymous wrote:My 14 y o is one of the most interesting people I know. I don't let her on tik tok so I don't have to hear about that drama, but she's very attuned to pop culture and current events without it and we have good discussions about that, her school work or things she's reading for fun, broadway musicals, kpop, food trends, you name it.

How is this contributing to the discussion?

My 14 y o is one of the most interesting people I know. I don't let her on tik tok so I don't have to hear about that drama, but she's very attuned to pop culture and current events without it and we have good discussions about that, her school work or things she's reading for fun, broadway musicals, kpop, food trends, you name it.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a parenting problem it’s a husband problem. You are articulating it - you are lonely and bored. You’re raising kids alone most of the time and he’s providing the money. I had this type of arrangement when my kids were young and turns out I didn’t like it. I even said what you are saying - I like my husband when I’m with him. I just didn’t want to be raising kids alone. I want to do it with a partner.

We talked about it for years and he finally got out of the job situation (not an attorney). It helped a lot.

To the people saying well don’t marry an attorney. It’s hard to know what it’s going to feel like until you’re in it. I think some people genuinely don’t mind this type of lifestyle. And you love the person so you take the leap of faith.

On the flip side I've seen many many posts where the poster has a DH who is an "extra child" and she wishes that DH would just provide the money and stay out of the picture! So there's that perspective too!

Can you get your kids involved in chores? They can load/unload dishwasher, set the dinner table, take out the trash, clean after dinner, etc. Can they make their own breakfast in mornings, and pack lunch? Also, 14 year old can take public transportation (bus, metro, etc.) to sports and other activities, depending on where you live. I have a job like husband’s and my spouse works full time with a more predictable schedule. Getting our kids involved in chores and making sure that they can take of themselves has been our routine for many years. Good luck!

Carpooling could help your schedule. Is that an option? Also, it is not necessary that you commit to staying for every sports event. Either run errands during that time (free you up for later) or read a book in the car all by yourself. Sometimes the quiet time can recharge you.

I agree with the posts that you need to focus on making your life better for you. It's ok to set some boundaries so you have some joy, too.

Stop cooking so much. You pick great take out or restaurants to enjoy with your teens.

Get a hobby to enjoy while you are driving/waiting at activities: reading, knitting, sewing, books on tape, mahjong online (the real game not the matching game)

Get a hobby for home in the evenings: any of the above, jigsaw puzzles, crosswords, working out, whatever,

Find an activity you can do regularly with friends, or at least other women, and make it work: art class, book club, wine/beer club, supper club (where you cook for each other), boxing, volunteering, doesn't matter.

Idk what you should do about your DH. You'll have to figure that one out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a parenting problem it’s a husband problem. You are articulating it - you are lonely and bored. You’re raising kids alone most of the time and he’s providing the money. I had this type of arrangement when my kids were young and turns out I didn’t like it. I even said what you are saying - I like my husband when I’m with him. I just didn’t want to be raising kids alone. I want to do it with a partner.

We talked about it for years and he finally got out of the job situation (not an attorney). It helped a lot.

To the people saying well don’t marry an attorney. It’s hard to know what it’s going to feel like until you’re in it. I think some people genuinely don’t mind this type of lifestyle. And you love the person so you take the leap of faith.

Not all attorneys work in intense jobs. I went to a T14 and I’ve worked for the federal government my entire career and frankly, being present for my kids and having down time is worth it to me. I’ve never even really felt stressed aside from this year. 😂

DP. And even if they do work those jobs, lots of people leave big law. Probably most people.

OP, for a moment I thought I wrote this and didn’t remember. Also have a spouse who works crazy hours and travels and teens who are both lovely and exhausting. Mine are older so finally I’m driving less, it used to be 6 hrs of driving some days, but there are still plenty of activities and appointments I’m on board for. It’s also a constant cycle of what’s for dinner, and can we do take out, and clean up, and mental load over here. I’m going to be an empty nester next year and planning to lean into my part time job, my book clubs, traveling to see old friends, and eating a handful of crackers for dinner. I know I’ll also be lonely since my husband won’t be home as much. Since I already have one in college I also know the kids will be home from school a lot. No real advice, just commiserating