Anonymous wrote:What is the gray rock method?
https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grey-rock-method
How the Grey Rock Method Can Protect You From Abusive People and Toxic Interactions

One excerpt:
Grey rocking can work in some situations,” Dr. Markley says, “And it can be particularly effective in situations with individuals who have a certain pattern of behavior — like people who thrive on chaotic and explosive interpersonal interactions.”

People with personality disorders or narcissistic tendencies often need to get an emotional rise out of you. That’s why they communicate the way they do. They may not even realize it themselves, but they’re agents of conversational chaos. And they’re trying to manipulate you, like putty in their hands.

But if you’re doing your best impression of a rock, you aren’t giving them what they’re looking for.

It's not surprising that a lot of relatives who need the gray rock method are also politically or religiously extreme compared to most.

I had not thought about this, but you are correct. The same relatives who are rigid, emotionally volatile and at times abusive are extreme with politics-far right and far left to the point you cannot have a discussion and they are more alike than different in their need to be right, defensive and loud.

Anonymous wrote:In your case gray rock might mean you just act normal and let her get upset and you just not care.

This is likely the healthiest behavior to maintain if you can, especially with people you’re not especially close to and likely never will be. A little warmth and listening can go a long way, but otherwise just doing your thing is ideal. The difficulty comes in when dysfunctional dynamics are more systemic, and in these cases (ie, with family), they often can be.

Some concerns to consider about using the grey rock approach:

You should avoid using this method to maintain or tolerate any type of toxic relationship—especially if you’re worried for your safety, both Gilman and Karasina advise. “Using the gray rock method may reinforce disconnection from your feelings and [prevent] a healthy expression of emotions, which is not a recipe for a healthy, stable relationship,” says Karasina. “And if you’re in an abusive relationship, this technique could increase anger and aggression from that person, potentially leading to further harm.”

Like most things, the gray rock method is best when used in moderation. “It’s not healthy or helpful to use this method in most relationships outside of those individuals who are truly not willing or able to engage in compassionate, healthy interpersonal patterns,” Karasina says.

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/a61546935/gray-rock-method/

What is the gray rock method?
https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/grey-rock-method
How the Grey Rock Method Can Protect You From Abusive People and Toxic Interactions

One excerpt:
Grey rocking can work in some situations,” Dr. Markley says, “And it can be particularly effective in situations with individuals who have a certain pattern of behavior — like people who thrive on chaotic and explosive interpersonal interactions.”

People with personality disorders or narcissistic tendencies often need to get an emotional rise out of you. That’s why they communicate the way they do. They may not even realize it themselves, but they’re agents of conversational chaos. And they’re trying to manipulate you, like putty in their hands.

But if you’re doing your best impression of a rock, you aren’t giving them what they’re looking for.

It's not surprising that a lot of relatives who need the gray rock method are also politically or religiously extreme compared to most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use grey rock with someone you expect to have an ongoing relationship with. It's like killing a plant and then expecting it to come back to life later. It won't. Don't do grey rock on a family member.

Not exactly. It is correct that you will not have a close relationship ever because the person you are grey rocking demands a more intrusive and controlling level of access to you. The grey rock target will become frustrated and enraged because they aren’t getting what they want.

Grey does work when what you are seeking is co existence. You don’t want to avoid extended family events because they are there. You don’t want the drama of a big break up. You want to be polite and civil. The technique basically encourages the target to seek out someone else to torture. This works as long as there are other people pleasures around that they haven’t burned bridges with yet.

Being bored and looking vaguely at the horizon line when someone is speaking is cruel and weird behavior. It is not acceptable in an ongoing relationship. It would make anyone angry. If your purpose is to show the other person they don't matter, might as well stick your fingers in your ears and stick your tongue out. Other methods of dealing with people make more sense. Grey rock is for people who are freaks themselves -- there's a reason you're family after all.

Ah so we have found an enraged narcissist who has run out of supply..ie other people who will enable their bad behavior. Yes a narcissist will react with rage because you are cutting off their supply especially if they don’t have easier target to turn to to get it. I strongly suggest that you reflect for a moment to realize if someone is gray rocking you then you have violated all boundaries, good behavior and are so toxic that the poor person is attempted to find a way to co exist around you, They do not want to be part of your nonsense! Let them be!

If only life were this easy. If only you could win every argument by pretending you already have and not bothering to read or think in any other way.

Normal people don't respond well to grey rock. It is not a test for narcissism. You don't have many social skills if you revert to ignoring someone like a child.

Normal people don’t need to be gray rocked. If you are being gray rocked, you pretty much have been enough of a jerk that the other person has to consciously keep you at arms length. Normal people also respect social clues! If someone is gray rocking by responding to your question without details, a normal person moves onto to something neutral and light, they don’t get angry that you didn’t give them juicy details of their life.
It really is a test for narcissists.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't use grey rock with someone you expect to have an ongoing relationship with. It's like killing a plant and then expecting it to come back to life later. It won't. Don't do grey rock on a family member.

Not exactly. It is correct that you will not have a close relationship ever because the person you are grey rocking demands a more intrusive and controlling level of access to you. The grey rock target will become frustrated and enraged because they aren’t getting what they want.

Grey does work when what you are seeking is co existence. You don’t want to avoid extended family events because they are there. You don’t want the drama of a big break up. You want to be polite and civil. The technique basically encourages the target to seek out someone else to torture. This works as long as there are other people pleasures around that they haven’t burned bridges with yet.

Being bored and looking vaguely at the horizon line when someone is speaking is cruel and weird behavior. It is not acceptable in an ongoing relationship. It would make anyone angry. If your purpose is to show the other person they don't matter, might as well stick your fingers in your ears and stick your tongue out. Other methods of dealing with people make more sense. Grey rock is for people who are freaks themselves -- there's a reason you're family after all.

Why are you on this thread if you don’t actually know what Gray Rock is or like it?!? I Gray Rocked mg MIL successfully for 10 years. We maintained a civil relationship so you have no idea what you’re talking about.

Sorry, I didn't realize it was only a thread for people who think a single way.

I don't know why it always surprises me that the most damaged people on DCUM are also the most entrenched in their ways and can only exist comfortably in an echo chamber. I guess that's part of the coping process.

My issue with your response is that you clearly misunderstand the Grey Rock approach/technique and are disagreeing with it despite not understanding what it is/how it is applied. Maybe do someone research and come back and then we can discuss it. And, I’m not saying that in a snarky way despite you calling me damaged for disagreeing with you (LOL, hello kettle)