Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:54     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would probably do the birthday weekend and see if there was a time I could go visit the college friend. The college friend isn’t coming specifically to see you


Me again. The college friend is also only for one night.
Weekend milestone birthday plans with close friend in day-to-day life > one evening with college friend who is seeing me because she needs a place to stay


For those who have them, college friends >>> day to day elementary school mom friend group


Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:52     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:About a month ago, a good friend from college asked me if she and her family could come stay with us for one Friday night in a couple weeks to break up their drive to a wedding the next day. Of course I said yes since I am excited to see her and catch up.

At the same time, one of my current closest mom friends has been trying to plan a 40th birthday trip and of course, literally the only weekend that works for the majority of the group is the same weekend my college friend is supposed to be visiting.

I am strongly considering cancelling on my college friend to go on this trip since all of my close friends will be there and it seems a bit crazy to prioritize a friend who needs a place to crash driving over a big celebration, but is this horrible? And what do I say to my college friend? She can be sensitive and if I tell her I am going on a trip with other friends I know it will hurt her.


This is the best I got, but I'm not sure you can pull it off. I might float something like this depending on how close and honest I can be with my friends. FWIW, if one of my friends was in this dilemma I would 100 percent want them to tell me bc crashing at someone's house out of convenience is < an amazing wknd with mom friends. (As a mom myself.)

Hi College Friend-
I'm so looking forward to our catchup! I wanted to check in on specifics of your plans. Do you think you'll arrive in time for us to go out to dinner? So I can plan for the morning/breakfast ideas, what time are you aiming to get on the road?

I also wanted to check if there's any possibility that you all could stay with us on your drive back on Sunday--especially if we might get to spend more time together? For full disclosure, I was planning a trip with a group of friends and didn't realize this weekend was one of the options--that's what they decided to book. You are still my priority but I thought I would check in to see if it's possible for me to make it to both.

If that's not doable no sweat; I know how tricky it is to coordinate travel with kids, and I will look forward to hosting you all on Friday.


Actually, better to just ditch college friend then put them in this uncomfortable spot.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:50     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:I would keep the commitment to the college friend you rarely see instead of cancelling to go on a trip with women you see all the time.


+1 Also, it's the commitment you made, first. Mom friends? There will be other celebrations of them, you, etc. (Guessing you have FOMO? Meet up on Sat.)

Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:46     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Neither. Get new friends.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:43     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:About a month ago, a good friend from college asked me if she and her family could come stay with us for one Friday night in a couple weeks to break up their drive to a wedding the next day. Of course I said yes since I am excited to see her and catch up.

At the same time, one of my current closest mom friends has been trying to plan a 40th birthday trip and of course, literally the only weekend that works for the majority of the group is the same weekend my college friend is supposed to be visiting.

I am strongly considering cancelling on my college friend to go on this trip since all of my close friends will be there and it seems a bit crazy to prioritize a friend who needs a place to crash driving over a big celebration, but is this horrible? And what do I say to my college friend? She can be sensitive and if I tell her I am going on a trip with other friends I know it will hurt her.


This is the best I got, but I'm not sure you can pull it off. I might float something like this depending on how close and honest I can be with my friends. FWIW, if one of my friends was in this dilemma I would 100 percent want them to tell me bc crashing at someone's house out of convenience is < an amazing wknd with mom friends. (As a mom myself.)

Hi College Friend-
I'm so looking forward to our catchup! I wanted to check in on specifics of your plans. Do you think you'll arrive in time for us to go out to dinner? So I can plan for the morning/breakfast ideas, what time are you aiming to get on the road?

I also wanted to check if there's any possibility that you all could stay with us on your drive back on Sunday--especially if we might get to spend more time together? For full disclosure, I was planning a trip with a group of friends and didn't realize this weekend was one of the options--that's what they decided to book. You are still my priority but I thought I would check in to see if it's possible for me to make it to both.

If that's not doable no sweat; I know how tricky it is to coordinate travel with kids, and I will look forward to hosting you all on Friday.


If I were the college friend receiving this email I’d tell you to go ahead with your better offer and then I’d fade you out.


Yeah, this is giving way too much info and sounds like you want the college friend to back out. Just ask her about the timing.

You can possibly say simply there's another thing going on that weekend but you want to make sure you're available for as much time as she has. That way she'll hopefully be less likely to do the "oh we were running late planning up the car and now we're not going to make it before midnight" thing.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:20     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:About a month ago, a good friend from college asked me if she and her family could come stay with us for one Friday night in a couple weeks to break up their drive to a wedding the next day. Of course I said yes since I am excited to see her and catch up.

At the same time, one of my current closest mom friends has been trying to plan a 40th birthday trip and of course, literally the only weekend that works for the majority of the group is the same weekend my college friend is supposed to be visiting.

I am strongly considering cancelling on my college friend to go on this trip since all of my close friends will be there and it seems a bit crazy to prioritize a friend who needs a place to crash driving over a big celebration, but is this horrible? And what do I say to my college friend? She can be sensitive and if I tell her I am going on a trip with other friends I know it will hurt her.


This is the best I got, but I'm not sure you can pull it off. I might float something like this depending on how close and honest I can be with my friends. FWIW, if one of my friends was in this dilemma I would 100 percent want them to tell me bc crashing at someone's house out of convenience is < an amazing wknd with mom friends. (As a mom myself.)

Hi College Friend-
I'm so looking forward to our catchup! I wanted to check in on specifics of your plans. Do you think you'll arrive in time for us to go out to dinner? So I can plan for the morning/breakfast ideas, what time are you aiming to get on the road?

I also wanted to check if there's any possibility that you all could stay with us on your drive back on Sunday--especially if we might get to spend more time together? For full disclosure, I was planning a trip with a group of friends and didn't realize this weekend was one of the options--that's what they decided to book. You are still my priority but I thought I would check in to see if it's possible for me to make it to both.

If that's not doable no sweat; I know how tricky it is to coordinate travel with kids, and I will look forward to hosting you all on Friday.


If I were the college friend receiving this email I’d tell you to go ahead with your better offer and then I’d fade you out.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:17     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
OP, it sounds like you are on the fringes of the mom group and not a core member and that’s why they don’t care to work around your conflict. I wouldn’t ditch a long term college friend for that.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 13:00     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:About a month ago, a good friend from college asked me if she and her family could come stay with us for one Friday night in a couple weeks to break up their drive to a wedding the next day. Of course I said yes since I am excited to see her and catch up.

At the same time, one of my current closest mom friends has been trying to plan a 40th birthday trip and of course, literally the only weekend that works for the majority of the group is the same weekend my college friend is supposed to be visiting.

I am strongly considering cancelling on my college friend to go on this trip since all of my close friends will be there and it seems a bit crazy to prioritize a friend who needs a place to crash driving over a big celebration, but is this horrible? And what do I say to my college friend? She can be sensitive and if I tell her I am going on a trip with other friends I know it will hurt her.


This is the best I got, but I'm not sure you can pull it off. I might float something like this depending on how close and honest I can be with my friends. FWIW, if one of my friends was in this dilemma I would 100 percent want them to tell me bc crashing at someone's house out of convenience is < an amazing wknd with mom friends. (As a mom myself.)

Hi College Friend-
I'm so looking forward to our catchup! I wanted to check in on specifics of your plans. Do you think you'll arrive in time for us to go out to dinner? So I can plan for the morning/breakfast ideas, what time are you aiming to get on the road?

I also wanted to check if there's any possibility that you all could stay with us on your drive back on Sunday--especially if we might get to spend more time together? For full disclosure, I was planning a trip with a group of friends and didn't realize this weekend was one of the options--that's what they decided to book. You are still my priority but I thought I would check in to see if it's possible for me to make it to both.

If that's not doable no sweat; I know how tricky it is to coordinate travel with kids, and I will look forward to hosting you all on Friday.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 12:52     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:I get that the birthday trip would be more fun, but you can’t do that. Your friend asked you weeks ago! Everyone else had conflicts apparently. You also had conflicts. Birthday girl doesn’t like you enough to schedule around your conflict, so that a bummer, but these are local friends, right? You can hang out with them anytime.

If I was in the local mom friend group and heard that you bailed on a long time friend for me, I would seriously second guess our friendship.

But I do think it would be fine to fly in for just 24 hours, I do that kind of things for friends sometimes.


Seriously this! You told everyone you had a friend in town that weekend and were not available right? So now you are going to what, say you canceled on her for this trip or lie? Don’t you understand how embarrassing that is? Everyone is going to think you’re way disloyal and too invested in this group.

I think you are really upset that the group didn’t care enough to schedule around you. In that trip you are just one of a large group and not that important. Stinks a bit but that’s how it goes.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 12:46     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
college friend
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 10:16     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
I can’t believe this is even a question. Of course you don’t break plans with a friend because you got a better offer.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 08:51     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Keep your original commitment. Not only because it’s the right thing to do, but you also see these other friends all the time. They’ll understand. Take the money you would have spent on the girls trip and treat yourself to something awesome.

You don’t want to injure or break an old friendship over this.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 08:45     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
Anonymous wrote:In general I'd stick with the previous commitment but I'd also double check with the college friend about how serious she was about it to make sure it was a legit commitment to come stay and spend time together, not just roll in around 12am, use your bedding and shower and eat breakfast and be on the road at 8am. If that were the case I'd consider trying to make separate plans with her a different weekend.

Fwiw a lot of "mom friends" break up when the kids hit middle and high school when many kids change their friend groups but if you still have a good friend from college she's likely a friend for life.


+1. I’d see how serious the commitment is and ETAs. As far as the mom group, it’s a 40th birthday so likely in the younger elementary age. That group is more than likely to blow up by middle school anyways.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 08:25     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
I would prioritize the older friend because you rarely see her and you probably see these other women all the time.
Girls trip with a large group is my idea of hell anyway.
Anonymous
Post 09/11/2025 08:17     Subject: Which friend would you prioritize?
You would feel bad no matter which choice you make.