Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:47
Subject: Re:cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have experience with the NoVa cotillions? I've found Northern Virginia Junior Cotillion and NLJC NOVA
Northern Virginia Junior Cotillion - my daughter has been with them for 3 years and loves it. Her session actually has boys on a waitlist. She has actually used what she has learned there in her outside life.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:38
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.
This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?
The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."
The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....
(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)
But some things stand the test of time, OP, in case you didn't know that. Centuries of the way that men and women have interacted at cotillions and learned to dance together didn't change 15 minutes ago because you're worried about "keeping current with the needs of today's youth." How abou this: "Today's Youth" could stand to learn from the ways of history and society.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:35
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.
This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?
The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."
The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....
(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)
Oh, don’t worry — there is a solution. The “Nonbinary Cotillion Parent Group Chat” is alive and well, we meet every Thursday night via encrypted Slack channel. Our syllabus covers:
Gender-Neutral Bowing: You incline exactly 37 degrees regardless of orientation.
Elitist Paradigm History 101: We discuss why "the elite experience" is just “elitism with better branding and Canva graphics.”
Cha-Cha But Make It Fluid: Partners are assigned based on astrology charts, not chromosomes.
We tried to pitch this to Capital Cotillion but were told that “the elite experience” required a strict 50/50 split because apparently math is tradition. (Nothing screams “timeless social grace” like spreadsheet quotas for 12-year-olds.)
As for LGBTQ kids not yet out? Don’t worry — Capital Cotillion does offer a cutting-edge inclusivity option: you can be “the quirky friend in the corner” or “the one who mysteriously has the flu every Friday evening until March.” Very forward-thinking.
Is this satire? Re kids?
I will take things that never happened for $600 Alex.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:29
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:[/b]Anonymous[b wrote:]I didn't send my boys because I view it as elitist (and dumb). I was asked by a number of moms (of both girls and boys) to sign my kids up with theirs and I refused to do so.
And I chose to have both of my kids, boy and girl, do it. The daughter used it at dances at college. The son used it at formal dances and balls at Oxford and Harvard. He actually knew what to do at those events. When I went to Harvard from California, I didn't have a clue how to fox-trot, so I hid in a corner. I wanted my kids to kow how to behave, conduct themselves and dance in those situations. Your choice . . .
Erm...did you go to college in 1927?
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:26
Subject: cotillion question
Why is this in the private school forum? My kid went to Virginia Cotillion and it was a big mix of public and private school kids. It's not exclusive to private school.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:21
Subject: cotillion question
FYI- DC went to cotillion in VA for a few years. One DD was generally the ‘male’ partner for the dances. She is easy going and is a dancer so picking up steps was easy. It worked out fine. Don’t make trouble where there aren’t any.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:13
Subject: cotillion question
Don’t get your hopes up, moms. My DH was forced to do this stuff as a kid and he’s terrible at the fox trot and I haven’t seen him write a thank you note in 25 years. Worst of all, he married someone who went to public school.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 09:10
Subject: Re:cotillion question
Does anyone have experience with the NoVa cotillions? I've found Northern Virginia Junior Cotillion and NLJC NOVA
Anonymous
09/11/2025 08:44
Subject: cotillion question
If cotillion isn’t for your family then don’t sign up, this is an optional activity. No need to criticize those who do, not everything is for you. A little bit of tolerance from the coexist crowd would be refreshing.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 08:08
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They learn manners. That can't be bad. Isn't a LGBTQ issue
It is if the idea of girls dancing with other girls is so scary that they'd rather exclude girls who want to participate.
This is a little too glib. When you learn to dance, you learn the steps based on whether you lead or follow. Learning both is an advanced skill, and you don't usually learn both at the same time. Especially in a once-a-month class for kids where dancing is only part of the program: there's just not time for that level of dance instruction.
So if girls are dancing with other girls, one of them is learning to lead. I would not assume that a gay girl, even if out, necessarily wants to learn to lead. It would be very weird to put that pressure on her to choose. And a straight girl presumably does not want to learn to lead.
What you want is a cotillion class that doesn't include ballroom dancing.
It’s this. Dances like the pretzel have different steps depending on which person in the couple dancing. You can call the different roles whatever you want (the boy/the girl, the lead, partner 1/ partner 2) but most of the dances won’t work with randomly pairing the kids because they may not have learned the other role. And there isn’t enough time in a once a month few hour class for kids this age to learn both roles. My DD went to a different cotillion with same gender imbalance issue and it was about 80% girls and it was a huge headache. The kids didn’t necessarily care about 2 girls dancing together but they couldn’t understand who did what part and got very frustrated. It wasn’t fun and was too complicated.
I am not sure if some political troll has started this thread. It’s not political. If a trans girl or boy wants to take cotillion they’d be welcome and would then learn the part of their gender. This isn’t a red state school bathroom issue. And many of the dances they learn they will use later on in life (at weddings and other formal events) where it is helpful to know how to dance dances that aren’t from teen parties, Tik Tok or a nightclub.
It’s supposed to be fun. For all the kids.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 07:46
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.
This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?
The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."
The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....
(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)
Oh, don’t worry — there is a solution. The “Nonbinary Cotillion Parent Group Chat” is alive and well, we meet every Thursday night via encrypted Slack channel. Our syllabus covers:
Gender-Neutral Bowing: You incline exactly 37 degrees regardless of orientation.
Elitist Paradigm History 101: We discuss why "the elite experience" is just “elitism with better branding and Canva graphics.”
Cha-Cha But Make It Fluid: Partners are assigned based on astrology charts, not chromosomes.
We tried to pitch this to Capital Cotillion but were told that “the elite experience” required a strict 50/50 split because apparently math is tradition. (Nothing screams “timeless social grace” like spreadsheet quotas for 12-year-olds.)
As for LGBTQ kids not yet out? Don’t worry — Capital Cotillion does offer a cutting-edge inclusivity option: you can be “the quirky friend in the corner” or “the one who mysteriously has the flu every Friday evening until March.” Very forward-thinking.
Don’t overcomplicate this.
If you’re trans, sign up as whatever gender you find affirming. Being a girl means something different than being a boy. Otherwise kids wouldn’t switch genders.
If you’re L, G or B, do you feel like your sexual orientation changes how you feel about your assigned gender for cotillion?
Turning every little thing into a discussion about sexuality or gender identity is how Trump won the election.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 07:43
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.
This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?
The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."
The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....
(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)
Oh, don’t worry — there is a solution. The “Nonbinary Cotillion Parent Group Chat” is alive and well, we meet every Thursday night via encrypted Slack channel. Our syllabus covers:
Gender-Neutral Bowing: You incline exactly 37 degrees regardless of orientation.
Elitist Paradigm History 101: We discuss why "the elite experience" is just “elitism with better branding and Canva graphics.”
Cha-Cha But Make It Fluid: Partners are assigned based on astrology charts, not chromosomes.
We tried to pitch this to Capital Cotillion but were told that “the elite experience” required a strict 50/50 split because apparently math is tradition. (Nothing screams “timeless social grace” like spreadsheet quotas for 12-year-olds.)
As for LGBTQ kids not yet out? Don’t worry — Capital Cotillion does offer a cutting-edge inclusivity option: you can be “the quirky friend in the corner” or “the one who mysteriously has the flu every Friday evening until March.” Very forward-thinking.
Well done. I love you. Maybe we can call this thread done now.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 06:56
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Just transitioned from public to private for middle school, where half the grade is doing Capital Cotillion, and there is general consternation about how new girls can't participate because they don't have enough boys.
This is not an issue for me as we wouldn't be doing it regardless, but it does make me pause and wonder: How does thing remain so popular and yet so totally frozen in amber? I have so many questions... If you are sending your young adolescents, do you worry about how alienating it may feel to LGBTQ adolescents who aren't "out" yet, and how do you handle that?
The website says "While we embrace tradition and the importance it plays in our society, we believe that keeping current with the needs of today’s youth is equally important. We prepare our students with social skills for the “elite experience” without promoting the elitist paradigm of the past."
The fact that they won't deviate from their 50-50 gender ratio just seems AWFULLY out of step. Can someone explain why someone can't do something more inclusive? There are plenty of ballroom dancing studios that manage to do better ....
(Also, a little more snarky now: How DOES "the elite experience" differs from "the elitist paradigm of the past"? Anyone able to explain?)
Oh, don’t worry — there is a solution. The “Nonbinary Cotillion Parent Group Chat” is alive and well, we meet every Thursday night via encrypted Slack channel. Our syllabus covers:
Gender-Neutral Bowing: You incline exactly 37 degrees regardless of orientation.
Elitist Paradigm History 101: We discuss why "the elite experience" is just “elitism with better branding and Canva graphics.”
Cha-Cha But Make It Fluid: Partners are assigned based on astrology charts, not chromosomes.
We tried to pitch this to Capital Cotillion but were told that “the elite experience” required a strict 50/50 split because apparently math is tradition. (Nothing screams “timeless social grace” like spreadsheet quotas for 12-year-olds.)
As for LGBTQ kids not yet out? Don’t worry — Capital Cotillion does offer a cutting-edge inclusivity option: you can be “the quirky friend in the corner” or “the one who mysteriously has the flu every Friday evening until March.” Very forward-thinking.
Anonymous
09/11/2025 00:52
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:[/b]Anonymous[b wrote:]I didn't send my boys because I view it as elitist (and dumb). I was asked by a number of moms (of both girls and boys) to sign my kids up with theirs and I refused to do so.
And I chose to have both of my kids, boy and girl, do it. The daughter used it at dances at college. The son used it at formal dances and balls at Oxford and Harvard. He actually knew what to do at those events. When I went to Harvard from California, I didn't have a clue how to fox-trot, so I hid in a corner. I wanted my kids to kow how to behave, conduct themselves and dance in those situations. Your choice . . .
Where did you go to college?
Anonymous
09/10/2025 23:27
Subject: cotillion question
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:They learn manners. That can't be bad. Isn't a LGBTQ issue
It is if the idea of girls dancing with other girls is so scary that they'd rather exclude girls who want to participate.
This is a little too glib. When you learn to dance, you learn the steps based on whether you lead or follow. Learning both is an advanced skill, and you don't usually learn both at the same time. Especially in a once-a-month class for kids where dancing is only part of the program: there's just not time for that level of dance instruction.
So if girls are dancing with other girls, one of them is learning to lead. I would not assume that a gay girl, even if out, necessarily wants to learn to lead. It would be very weird to put that pressure on her to choose. And a straight girl presumably does not want to learn to lead.
What you want is a cotillion class that doesn't include ballroom dancing.
What about a cotillion where everyone learns to be both leaders and followers.
Have you ever taken ballroom lessons? It's not a simple thing to learn both parts of multiple dances.
And again, this is not primarily a dance class - we're talking about 90 minutes once a month, to cover all kinds of topics.