My wife told me that she would rather I have a one-night stand than be into video games. She said with the one-night stand we could get over it and move on, and that at least she could still understand me as a man.

With the video games, she said it would just be death by a thousand cuts.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't count is as a "contribution to the marriage" so much as it's just a good thing to do.

Like, I wipe my butt thoroughly when I use the bathroom because it's just the right, healthy thing to do. I don't count it as "contribution", because, it makes me more hygienic, healthy, and attractive.

But if it got excessive, like I was spending 30 minutes and going through rolls of toilet paper a day wiping, it becomes bad for the marriage. Same thing when you spend excessive time on exercise.

Exercise is more like self-care. It's important to do, and you deserve to do it because you're a human being, not because it gives someone else something nice to look at.

That being said, I couldn't be with someone who ate unhealthy and spent their time playing video games. I want to spend my golden years active and having fun with my spouse, not taking care of them. People should make an effort to be healthy so as to not burden others, whether it's their spouse, kids, healthcare, etc.

looolllllll

By your reasoning, getting a good night's sleep would be a contribution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

These are times that you might be spending time together as a couple or a family, and instead you are going to the gym. I’m not sayin that one of these things is better than the other, but you can’t spend a lot of your free time doing something and then claim that you aren’t missing out on anything else.

OP here. Nope, I'm not missing out on anything. I exercise for about 2 hours a week total when the kids are asleep and my spouse would be ignoring me for their computer / video games anyway. I use the gym childcare about once every 2 weeks.

And how do you think that is contributing to your marriage? Why is this an issue?

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

You can only stay fit for yourself.

That said, I think staying healthy is a loving thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

These are times that you might be spending time together as a couple or a family, and instead you are going to the gym. I’m not sayin that one of these things is better than the other, but you can’t spend a lot of your free time doing something and then claim that you aren’t missing out on anything else.

OP here. Nope, I'm not missing out on anything. I exercise for about 2 hours a week total when the kids are asleep and my spouse would be ignoring me for their computer / video games anyway. I use the gym childcare about once every 2 weeks.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

These are times that you might be spending time together as a couple or a family, and instead you are going to the gym. I’m not sayin that one of these things is better than the other, but you can’t spend a lot of your free time doing something and then claim that you aren’t missing out on anything else.

I think it would count as a contribution to the marriage if the less fit spouse started exercising more in order to please the spouse who is into fitness. Just like it would be a bigger contribution to the marriage for the person who didn’t want pets to help out with the pets.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. All the deep cleaning is outsourced. Cooking is shared.

No, and if you have a housekeeper and share cooking, what is the issue?

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse is fit, works out multiple times a week, and eats healthy, while the other never works out, is obese, and avoids most fruits and vegetables, does staying fit count as a contribution to the marriage? Let's assume both people work the same hours, have similar amounts of free time, and are without major health issues.

No absolutely no.

Just because you are married you don't get to dictate what the other person does.

You don't find them attractive anymore leave.

No, it doesn't count. I also don't consider getting my annual mammogram or my doctor appointments to be contributing to my marriage. It's my job to take care of myself whether I'm married or not.

To be

I really appreciate my DH taking care of his mental and physical health by working out and spending time with his friends but obviously he doesn't take unfair advantage and wants the same for me.

Too he honest, I was not always as appreciative when kids were younger and I had too much on my plate but even then I tried my level best.

I wouldn't count is as a "contribution to the marriage" so much as it's just a good thing to do.

Like, I wipe my butt thoroughly when I use the bathroom because it's just the right, healthy thing to do. I don't count it as "contribution", because, it makes me more hygienic, healthy, and attractive.

But if it got excessive, like I was spending 30 minutes and going through rolls of toilet paper a day wiping, it becomes bad for the marriage. Same thing when you spend excessive time on exercise.

Exercise is more like self-care. It's important to do, and you deserve to do it because you're a human being, not because it gives someone else something nice to look at.

That being said, I couldn't be with someone who ate unhealthy and spent their time playing video games. I want to spend my golden years active and having fun with my spouse, not taking care of them. People should make an effort to be healthy so as to not burden others, whether it's their spouse, kids, healthcare, etc.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The fit spouse either works out at home after the kids are in bed, during their lunch break, or occasionally goes to the gym with the kids in tow to drop them off at the gym's childcare. The other spouse typically spends this time on their computer and/or playing video games; they indeed are responsible for more chores because they wanted multiple pets and agreed to do all of the pet care.

It sounds like you have contempt for your spouse and are not attracted to them.

This won't end well. Best of luck browbeating them in shape.