My older sister did this hold hand out (to stop) and then let me kmow when I was welcome thing. She is a covert narcissist, as was our mother. It was them, against me, but incredibly subtly. I left my sister behind. We no longer speak. My life has taken off, finally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

Am I the only one not getting that vibe? OP has said repeatedly she’s not the favorite child, that her parents don’t get involved in the relationship, that her mom barely pushed for her to go dress shopping….if all those things are true I really don’t see mom forcing little sis to make big sis MOH.

It's pretty common that the favorite doesn't believe they are. The fact that ops dad called the sister and told her to call about ops lost job says otherwise. The fact that ops felt entitled to a same day phone call for her list job says otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

Oh no, you forgot to take your meds again PP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

I think we've established that op isn't the golden child. Try to keep up.

This has nothing to do with being a golden child, it has to do with parents wanting their children to be close, even if they aren't, and one sibling (the sister) taking steps to make it seem like they are to please her parents.

And regardless, OP is *still* a piece of work.

I really don’t think she is. She’s venting here anonymously, not calling the sister every five minutes to whine.

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't. And I probably wouldn't like you either. You are very self focused.

Seriously you needed a same day phone call because you lost your job🙄

She probably only made you MOH to please your parents and if I had to guess she's probably always had to play second fiddle to you and you have always been fussed over.

Her wedding is not about you.

It's not appropriate to have your navel gazing you don't like me fest.

Grow up.
It's not about you.

Very mean. YOUR sister must not like you at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

I think we've established that op isn't the golden child. Try to keep up.

This has nothing to do with being a golden child, it has to do with parents wanting their children to be close, even if they aren't, and one sibling (the sister) taking steps to make it seem like they are to please her parents.

And regardless, OP is *still* a piece of work.

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

Am I the only one not getting that vibe? OP has said repeatedly she’s not the favorite child, that her parents don’t get involved in the relationship, that her mom barely pushed for her to go dress shopping….if all those things are true I really don’t see mom forcing little sis to make big sis MOH.

Anonymous wrote:The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

I think we've established that op isn't the golden child. Try to keep up.

*big sister. Although I feel like a bog sister at times too...goals.

OP - are you a good planner?

I'm the older sister and I feel like it's my younger sister who wants to have a closer relationship- so it's different, but one thing that makes is hard for me is she's not a good planner when it involves other people (and I know I sound like a bossy bog sister here). She has great ideas, but doesn't always factor in that people other than her and her husband have particular restrictions or preferences. So it's extra work to plan with her and even though she was my MoH, I told her I didn't want a shower or bachelorette party because I knew she wouldn't be able to plan it (and they aren't my jam). But my local besties, who weren't in the wedding, had a few bachelorettes for me.

Whereas when she got married she had "IDEAS!" for her shower and had no realization that her IDEAS! were a big PITA (thank god my mom talked her out of the ugliest bridesmaids dresses - we were all middle aged and NOT svelte...).

Anyway. I truly love my sister and would drop everything if she needed me, and she's one of the kindest people I know. But it's a lot of work to be close to her - even though she'd claim to be extremely low maintenance.

The answer to your question can be found in two quotes, OP - one from you and one from a PP.

From you: "I understand I sound like a piece of work."

From a PP: "She probably only made you MOH to please your parents . . . "

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your age difference? Were you 2 close growing up? Does she have a best friend now? Did you think your mother pressured her to choose you for the maid of honor role?

We are only four years apart and we were close growing up, yes.

I don't know that she has A best friend, but she has a group of friends, mostly from high school but she's also good friends with some of her fiancé's friends' wives/girlfriends. One of the fiancé's friends' wives was actually the one who kind of implied I should've done something for the bachelorette party my sister repeatedly said she didn't want.

I don't think my mom pressured her, because my mom doesn't really get involved in our relationship like that. She told me she thought I should've been dress shopping but that she kind of felt like her hands were tied bc she didn't want to pressure my sister. So, I can't imagine her putting pressure on the MoH thing.

You don't see anything wrong with this conversation?. God you're insufferable!

I really don't see anything wrong with it. Mom wanted both her girls there but understood the younger dd wanted to keep it intimate so she didn't push. Then expressed as much to the older dd.

It's okay, you can just admit you don't like OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your age difference? Were you 2 close growing up? Does she have a best friend now? Did you think your mother pressured her to choose you for the maid of honor role?

We are only four years apart and we were close growing up, yes.

I don't know that she has A best friend, but she has a group of friends, mostly from high school but she's also good friends with some of her fiancé's friends' wives/girlfriends. One of the fiancé's friends' wives was actually the one who kind of implied I should've done something for the bachelorette party my sister repeatedly said she didn't want.

I don't think my mom pressured her, because my mom doesn't really get involved in our relationship like that. She told me she thought I should've been dress shopping but that she kind of felt like her hands were tied bc she didn't want to pressure my sister. So, I can't imagine her putting pressure on the MoH thing.

You don't see anything wrong with this conversation?. God you're insufferable!

Anonymous wrote:Would you say you are perceived as being "uncool" and have few friends? Please don't take this the wrong way or be offended, but maybe she thinks you're lame?

Like, I'm sure you're not, you seem like a self-aware, well-adjusted person, but maybe it's the typical relationship where the selfish younger sibling tends to think people older than them are uncool.

Also, any differences in politics?

Um - maybe? She definitely has more friends than me but I feel like she hates socializing? She is always complaining to my parents about having to do something or go somewhere but I've always chalked that up to just venting. Whereas I have fewer friends but I like going out.

I do think I'm probably less "cool" than her in the sense I'm not as trendy. So that might be it, but I don't think I'm uncool in a glaring way. I've known most of her friends since they were kids because a lot of her friends are from school but the few times I've met new friends I've been dressed nicely, polite, etc. So it's not like I show up having not showered for three days and acting like a weirdo.

No differences in politics - both liberals.

Anonymous wrote:My brother loves me and I love him, but he’s pretty bad about calling and checking in. That’s just how he is. It doesn’t bother me though, because I know him and I know it’s not because he doesn’t like me. And I’m sure he has phases and things about me he doesn’t like. I’m sure some things about me drive him crazy. But we love each other, which means we are there when the big stuff happens.

Yeah, I think this might just be the case for my sister and I have to accept that. It's not like she's mean to me. My bf and I were traveling over the summer and I bought her something that I thought would look nice in her new house. She loved it and texted me tonight that she just dropped it off at the framing shop. It just feels like a very one-sided relationship in that 99% of the time I'm reaching out first but I understand you and other posters that, again, that might just be the dynamic where she's bad at calling and checking in and I need to accept that about her.