Anonymous wrote:You need to pay allimony and that will help with his rent. You kicked him out, he cannot just break his lease and move back.

Don't listen to internet comments like this - talk to your attorney. A man previously the higher earner but lost his job after a legal separation, but 3 months before a divorce is finalized, is unlikely to be awarded alimony. A quick call with your attorney should clear this up.

Anonymous wrote:You need to pay allimony and that will help with his rent. You kicked him out, he cannot just break his lease and move back.

BAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA

You're delusional. She owes him nothing. He created this mess and can get himself out.

You need to pay allimony and that will help with his rent. You kicked him out, he cannot just break his lease and move back.

OP always strikes me as slightly narcissistic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

This is not permanent. This is a temporary situation he has gotten himself into. It is not your job to figure everything out. You can facilitate his contact with the kids to help the kids out, but do not fix his life.

Work on the health insurance piece. Use COBRA for now. How does your employer not offer health insurance?

OP, with two dependent kids, probably qualifies for ACA if she can't get insurance through work. Get researching.

Also, it might be a permanent situation. Who knows? I would assume he will not be contributing to the kids going forward, and facilitate contact with the kids in the manner recommended by OP's attorney.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord this man is the (non) gift that just keeps on giving.
I would rent the house out to somebody else, not to your ex. He doesn’t deserve that grace. You are a better person than him for even considering it, but I would set boundaries right now.

She’s more or less very enmeshed with her husband. This man is very, very messy. I’m shocked she is dating somehow.

+1
I wouldn't' entertain any conversations or phone calls from him if it's NOT about the kids or pending divorce. That man is MESSY news

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord this man is the (non) gift that just keeps on giving.
I would rent the house out to somebody else, not to your ex. He doesn’t deserve that grace. You are a better person than him for even considering it, but I would set boundaries right now.

Ya, just be careful with kids at home Maybe an older, single woman would be fine. Maybe she would even do some of the driving for OP in exchange for reduced rent.

Assuming op is in the DMV, I’d find a geo-bach military member to rent it. Then you know there’s an end date to the rental.

Anonymous wrote:I only read the first post and I’m not familiar with all the history but based on what you wrote, two comments.
First, he sounds like the one spiraling, not you. Just keep that in mind and don’t let him drag you down with him.
And second, yes you should pull the little one out of daycare while ex isn’t working. He can spend time teaching her to read and playing games and walking to the library. It might set his priorities better.

His downward spiral includes that he's about to lose his license to a DUI for 9 months, and he's unemployed and probably won't be able to afford his rent soon, so obviously, he's not a reliable childcare provider. Definitely keep the little one in daycare where she is happy and OP has reliable care so she can work and feed her kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

This is not permanent. This is a temporary situation he has gotten himself into. It is not your job to figure everything out. You can facilitate his contact with the kids to help the kids out, but do not fix his life.

Work on the health insurance piece. Use COBRA for now. How does your employer not offer health insurance?

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord this man is the (non) gift that just keeps on giving.
I would rent the house out to somebody else, not to your ex. He doesn’t deserve that grace. You are a better person than him for even considering it, but I would set boundaries right now.

She’s more or less very enmeshed with her husband. This man is very, very messy. I’m shocked she is dating somehow.

I only read the first post and I’m not familiar with all the history but based on what you wrote, two comments.
First, he sounds like the one spiraling, not you. Just keep that in mind and don’t let him drag you down with him.
And second, yes you should pull the little one out of daycare while ex isn’t working. He can spend time teaching her to read and playing games and walking to the library. It might set his priorities better.

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord this man is the (non) gift that just keeps on giving.
I would rent the house out to somebody else, not to your ex. He doesn’t deserve that grace. You are a better person than him for even considering it, but I would set boundaries right now.

Ya, just be careful with kids at home Maybe an older, single woman would be fine. Maybe she would even do some of the driving for OP in exchange for reduced rent.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

No you don't understand he's not your problem. You keep concerning yourself with the issues that HE brought up on HIMSELF.
Your husbands actions are traumatic .. NOT the end of the world.

Those kids will be adults and form their own opinion of that father of theirs. He will have to explain that -- NOT YOU.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- everyone saying it's not my problem. I understand he is not my problem but in my mind, stability for my children is my problem. For example, if he moves to a studio far away and can't drive, then does he stop having custody of the kids? That would be so traumatic for them.

I have all my savings. He drained his savings to pay for his dui.

It's more about conflicting priorities. In this case, your first priority is your kids. Keeping your kids in your current home is hugely advantageous to them. You also need to figure out how to get those rides. If you can't do it, start looking at other options, including a part-time driver.

There is a risk that the amount of time they spend with their dad will be limited by his losing his job and getting a DUI, but those things are outside of your control. The best you can do right now to feel more in control is figure out how to make things work independently. Assume you will pay for 100% of the kids' costs and will have 100% of the responsibility for driving them around, and plan accordingly.

What will happen if he ends up in a studio far away and can't drive? Maybe he'll take a bus and have dinner with them a few nights a week. Maybe you'll drive them back and forth to his studio every other weekend. These things are manageable.

Dear Lord this man is the (non) gift that just keeps on giving.
I would rent the house out to somebody else, not to your ex. He doesn’t deserve that grace. You are a better person than him for even considering it, but I would set boundaries right now.