Why is your style of communication so poor? It really paints you in a bad light. I would love to hear SILs side of things because I strongly suspect there is an obvious answer here and you refuse to accept it.

If someone didn't want a man in my life around my kids I'd be asking some harder questions than if my SIL is rude.

Op sounds like a nightmare and I'm sure SIL has her reasons for not being thrilled about the visit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Maybe you should have led with this information? Honestly your communication skills seem very poor, as do those of everyone involved here.

Right? So after 3 pages of back and forth the story is now that BIL literally said “my wife doesn’t want you to see our kids?” And OP also has kids that were never mentioned until later? This isn’t making sense.

My (OPs) children are grown so they have nothing to do with this whole thing. I don’t pressure them to attend extended family events especially ones like this one. I was lukewarm on the visit anyway. I went as a favor to DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Maybe you should have led with this information? Honestly your communication skills seem very poor, as do those of everyone involved here.

Right? So after 3 pages of back and forth the story is now that BIL literally said “my wife doesn’t want you to see our kids?” And OP also has kids that were never mentioned until later? This isn’t making sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Oh, he literally said that? Then maybe you have a bigger problem here, but it's hard to say what. How odd.

Yes. After we offered to cancel the visit when he said he wanted us to visit so please come anyway.

Yes, it was super awkward the whole time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Maybe you should have led with this information? Honestly your communication skills seem very poor, as do those of everyone involved here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Do you realize that he's an ass for writing that, and that it might not even be true? If my BIL texts me this, I'd be angry him for throwing his wife under the bus. He doesn't sound like a reliable reporter. Maybe they were fighting. Also, don't forget that even if it's true, there might have been multiple legitimate reasons why: she thought a kid was going down with something, she had made alternate plans, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Oh, he literally said that? Then maybe you have a bigger problem here, but it's hard to say what. How odd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

BIL texted that to DH. That’s what it’s the title.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

You seem pretty offended. Maybe get over yourself.

Not offended. Just moving on. I was leaning that way anyway and this thread confirms it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

DP here. But the point we're making is that your title is wrong, and it's likely not your SIL's fault. Make plans, don't make plans. But stop blaming only one person out of 4 adults, without any proof.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.

You seem pretty offended. Maybe get over yourself.

Sounds like the brothers have ADHD and will never make plans correctly. Your husband schedules stuff at the last minute and his brother may not be telling his wife in time.

If you want any of this to happen, the most functional adults need to manage the meetings.

My husband has ADHD and is a habitually poor planner. However he does prioritize good scheduling with his family, because they live overseas and we see them once every few years, so it's really important we don't miss them. If it was a more casual/frequent thing, he'd be dropping the ball like there's no tomorrow!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's not about you. Really. Your BIL is a mess. You need to include SIL when making plans.

This +100 this. Stop making a big deal about it this time, and make sure SIL is part of any discussions in the future.

DH and I have been married longer (BIL and SIL are younger). We don’t text each other’s families. That’s never been a problem with anyone but BIL/SIL after they got married and had kids.

Right, because people with small kids are less flexible and more stressed. SIL might have been okay with short notice visits and flaky BIL in the past but now she isn't. Anyone that has kids would understand this. Sorry your DH is clueless and your BIL sucks. Team SIL.

We have kids, so nice assumption there. That’s why I asked DH to give at least 3 weeks notice. I also treated him like a toddler and asked to see his texts so I knew he notified them early enough.

I’m not going to visit again because ugh drama and it’s not my family so not my problem.

I think you are making this a much bigger deal than it is. BIL dropped the ball. SIL was annoyed. You can move past this.

No, I’m just not going to make plans to visit on our own. And I’m not going to hold my breath expecting an invitation either. That’s the opposite of making a big deal out of it.