Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 18:07     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
My DH has found that when he works out more, he spends less. He would spend money on random, needless things. It didn’t ruin us but it was a bad habit. He increased his exercise level and his desire to buy things decreased. This is sort of off topic but it’s an interesting observation, at least to me.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 17:47     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:What's the real reason for spending more than you have?


I don't spend more than I earn. My excitement comes from saving and investing. I just like it, but I also like math.
I do have friends and family who spend, because they are looking for dopamine hit. Most have ASD/ADHD and since they all know each other, they seem to think the amount of shopping they do, is normal.
They love buying things for each other too. When I visit, they run out to get something 2 times before dinner.
They can easily use their card for 6-7 times a day without realizing that it is too much day after day.
Always running around because they need something, because they forgot it, misplaced it, bought the wrong one.
It is exhausting to watch. All are broke even though each person has made $60k-$120k+ for the last 20-25 years.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 17:42     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When DH and I were dating he had no concept of budget. He spent a lot when he got paid and couldn’t make it last until the next paycheck. No one ever told him about saving. He had been deprived of a lot growing up and REALLY liked to buy things. Lots of reasons. He’s a saver now but if I hadn’t intervened and brought some financial literacy into his life, he’d probably be in a ton of debt and made years of bad financial decisions.


Usually when people grow up poor, they prefer to save money so that they always have some when they really need it.


One of his siblings did (almost to an unhealthy degree). The others inherited their parents feast-or-famine mentality. They can’t save because they spend as they get it.


Yes, I think it’s complicated and may play out either way. When you grow up poor and made to feel embarrassed there is a tendency to want to save to not have the life you had in childhood. But, also a tendency to not ever again want to look or feel poor. When you work hard to get out of poverty you want to give your family what you did not have — I guess the opposite of all the trust fund posters who rave about really old cars, sweaters with holes, etc.

So one might save responsibly for retirement, college, etc. not overspend egregiously, but certainly could be more frugal. It’s a balance.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 17:26     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
I grew up in a very frugal household, we were upper middle class. My parents have saved a lot and don't need my help.

However, my spouse spends a lot, grew up with not much and always needs to have the things he didn't have. I feel it doesn't matter how much is brought in, it gets spent on clothes, shiny toys, vacations.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 17:19     Subject: Re:Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
(680) car pmt for Honda CRV


That car payment seems high for that income. Selling that car and buying a cheaper one probably doesn't make economic sense, but can it be stretched into a longer loan?


DP, but the problem with buying a cheaper (presumably older) car is that they often come with more expensive unexpected repairs. I am someone who drives my cars 10+ years but it seems once they get past the ~6 year mark the maintenance and repairs start snowballing. And if you get in an accident insurance pays out peanuts for what they claim it is worth.

Even used cars are crazy expensive now and if you’re lower income then you probably don’t have great credit so you’ll get a higher loan rate and therefore higher monthly payment. And unfortunately our country is so car dependent that most people can’t just wait and save up cash.

Also, I don’t think of a Honda CRV as a luxury car.

The problem is that the cost of living has grossly outpaced wages and you need an UMC income to survive with a cushion.

And yes I know all the people who live in flyover country with cheap housing or who bought houses with a low interest rate years ago will come and say 6k/month is plenty of money. 🙄


If you buy the right car it will go 10+ years (100k+) without much repairs beyond required maintenance.
Took a crv to 85k and 12 years, only has 2 smaller (under $200 each) repairs near the end. Rest was normal maintenance. Paid $30k for the car (almost fully loaded with leather) sold it to carmax (so could have privately sold for 3-4K more) for 12 K. Not bad for 12 years. So got 1/3 of purchase price back. Most Hondas you can do that and even drive them longer without major repairs
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 17:15     Subject: Re:Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
(680) car pmt for Honda CRV


That car payment seems high for that income. Selling that car and buying a cheaper one probably doesn't make economic sense, but can it be stretched into a longer loan?


Cars and homes are where many people "spend more than they have and need to spend"

Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 15:19     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
My DHs family grew up fairly well off. As adults, they all over spend and under save. The money they earn is spent as soon as it's earned. Most of them live on the edge of financial disaster.

Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 15:14     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
I think people have kids or adopt pets without realizing the financial commitment is beyond their means. Once you have them you can't get them off your budget.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 14:13     Subject: Re:Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Oh bother. Because we can always sell the family estate if we’re in a pinch.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 13:59     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When DH and I were dating he had no concept of budget. He spent a lot when he got paid and couldn’t make it last until the next paycheck. No one ever told him about saving. He had been deprived of a lot growing up and REALLY liked to buy things. Lots of reasons. He’s a saver now but if I hadn’t intervened and brought some financial literacy into his life, he’d probably be in a ton of debt and made years of bad financial decisions.


Usually when people grow up poor, they prefer to save money so that they always have some when they really need it.


One of his siblings did (almost to an unhealthy degree). The others inherited their parents feast-or-famine mentality. They can’t save because they spend as they get it.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 13:53     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
I have written about my financial regrets on kids sports threads, but since this is anonymous, here we go. My daughter's figure skating was oppressively expensive. As in thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars in ice time, coaching, off ice, travel, dresses, skates ($1800 per pair and replaced at least 2x per year), etc. I never added it up because it was so much but at one point we were in very bad debt.

She got sick with several autoimmune diseases and had to stop skating, and we are finally trying to get our heads above water. We live in a townhouse, drive old cars, etc., but we made many financially irrational decisions because my kid was talented and dreamed about the Olympics.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 13:46     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG people like having things, OP. THINGS.


What makes you buy things when you know it’s beyond what you make?


It's all those stupid medical bills for the dumb kids. So irresponsible of us.


Yeah, too many kids.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 13:44     Subject: Re:Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
(680) car pmt for Honda CRV


That car payment seems high for that income. Selling that car and buying a cheaper one probably doesn't make economic sense, but can it be stretched into a longer loan?


she has bad credit, due to late medical bills for the last couple years. The system is great at hiking rates and taking advantage of poor people that have no options.
how about showing sympathy instead? Us, upper middle class people often can't put ourselves in their shoes, but need to


Stop it, many of us weren’t always UMC.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 13:43     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:( 950) gas, electric, water, cable, cell phone

DP. I thought this might be a bit high too. Is this amount constant or high due to summer cooling bills? Also, how much is “cable”?


Are you kidding? Mine is $1400 for all this. She has 3 pre/teen kids that shower, have cell phones and exist. More expensive than the baby phase


Well, we make much more than that and don’t have cable, and our kids don’t have phones until they are 15. We also would never have a $700 car payment. Your friend sucks at managing her money, don’t pretend like this is OK. She might be living paycheck to paycheck but that is on her.
Anonymous
Post 08/21/2025 13:18     Subject: Why aren't you able to live within your means?
Anonymous wrote:Mmm we are just fine. My husband saved over 5 million by the time he was 30...twenty years ago.


Don’t lie. At 30 some might have saved a few hundred thousand. A few 30 year olds will have high tech jobs where they have $30 million at this age. Five million is too random.