Anonymous wrote:Every time I think I’m catching up I find my frame of reference is badly outdated and I am falling further and further behind. At this point most of the people I started life with have made fortunes and married well and I have done neither. The discrepancies really compound over time. I’m the poor relation now with respect to my friends and family. I feel like everyone else has the playbook but me.

I studied hard did well in school went to grad school got a steady job make a decent income but didn’t do well investing, wasn’t able to buy a house at the right time, didn’t marry the right person and am now middle class. It seems like life keeps adding a zero onto the end of however much things cost.

If it makes you feel better, I’m 100k in student loan debt, have $25k in retirement savings, and pay child support. I’m almost 40! We are all on our own path.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't have fortunes. I earn five figures, will probably never be able to afford to buy, can't go back to school for more degrees, have no idea at all how to invest (and don't have much money anyway so ...), don't get family money, have never left North America, can't afford vacations, and just ... exist.

Maybe hang out with more working class people?

Exactly. The joy of life is in existing. Try meditation, it can help a lot. The buddhist meditation center in Rockville and Zen Mountain Meditation in NY and online have many beginner classes that you can just pay by donation, I took a day meditation retreat for $1. Also you can watch the Dis ye movie 'Soul.' Life is about here and now, the beauty of our existence.

np. that sounds depressing.

The joy of life is the connections you make with other people, or for some, traveling the world, which many cannot do, like OP, I realize. But, I would say that for 99% of people, having good friends is part of enjoying life.

Get a hobby. Do things that make you happy, or things that you think matter. Join a club. Volunteer.

It will be a lot easier to stop dwelling on yourself and your petty woes if you get off the computer and out into the world.

+1 Walk in a park and enjoy all the green around you. Go to a farm market and buy some wonderful peaches and apples. Enjoy the lovely fall weather.

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't have fortunes. I earn five figures, will probably never be able to afford to buy, can't go back to school for more degrees, have no idea at all how to invest (and don't have much money anyway so ...), don't get family money, have never left North America, can't afford vacations, and just ... exist.

Maybe hang out with more working class people?

Exactly. The joy of life is in existing. Try meditation, it can help a lot. The buddhist meditation center in Rockville and Zen Mountain Meditation in NY and online have many beginner classes that you can just pay by donation, I took a day meditation retreat for $1. Also you can watch the Dis ye movie 'Soul.' Life is about here and now, the beauty of our existence.

Get a hobby. Do things that make you happy, or things that you think matter. Join a club. Volunteer.

It will be a lot easier to stop dwelling on yourself and your petty woes if you get off the computer and out into the world.

Her husband is not a failure just because he can’t compete with the top 1% financially. Don’t destroy your family over a meaningless social competition

Anonymous wrote:If I were you I would stop reading this forum. It is toxic to people who are not upper class. Most of it is bored millionaires who just want to brag and find ways to optimize their finances (how do I avoid taxes while saving $500K for my kids college, while complaining about how terrible Trump and his policies are - hypocrite much?).

Or maybe it's people pretending to be bored millionaires?

If I were you I would stop reading this forum. It is toxic to people who are not upper class. Most of it is bored millionaires who just want to brag and find ways to optimize their finances (how do I avoid taxes while saving $500K for my kids college, while complaining about how terrible Trump and his policies are - hypocrite much?).

OP, the easiest way out of your situation is to change your frame of reference.

I think I’m solidly in your camp but I’m fine with it. I don’t know much about investing but I did contribute heavily to my 401ks through the years.

We don’t need new cars. Our house is fine. Our kids don’t have brand name x or y and they don’t care. I don’t have brand name x or y and I don’t care. I shop consignment and Goodwill. I’ve spent some time learning to cook. We have friends over. We moved to more of a MCOL so our housing dollars went further. Our expensive priority is one international trip a year and we’re happy with that.

It’s all frame of reference. Just change it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people don't have fortunes. I earn five figures, will probably never be able to afford to buy, can't go back to school for more degrees, have no idea at all how to invest (and don't have much money anyway so ...), don't get family money, have never left North America, can't afford vacations, and just ... exist.

Maybe hang out with more working class people?

Thank you for this reality check. I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Hi OP. Don’t compare yourself to others, unless you are getting a reality check of people in other classes and other parts of the world.

That being said, you said you have no idea how to invest and don’t have much money anyway. This is SO easy to fix. I taught myself over a year just through reading, listening to podcasts and experimenting with some small amounts in apps. If you don’t have a lot just start with $20 here and there.

First, check if your workplace has a retirement plan. If you’re not using it, start. Next, I have used Betterment to begin and it does all the work for you (the Core plan allocates between US/international/bonds). If you get confused easily just stay there and automatically put in a little money every pay period.

If you do want to learn more and start managing yourself, there’s a learning curve but you are totally capable! It’s a myth that you can’t invest.

How old are you? What’s your current net worth?

Anonymous wrote:Every time I think I’m catching up I find my frame of reference is badly outdated and I am falling further and further behind. At this point most of the people I started life with have made fortunes and married well and I have done neither. The discrepancies really compound over time. I’m the poor relation now with respect to my friends and family. I feel like everyone else has the playbook but me.

I studied hard did well in school went to grad school got a steady job make a decent income but didn’t do well investing, wasn’t able to buy a house at the right time, didn’t marry the right person and am now middle class. It seems like life keeps adding a zero onto the end of however much things cost.

What’s the problem with the husband? Is he a cheater, abuser or an addict?

you are both big losers full stop

You should invest in DOG MONEY.

Anonymous wrote:What went wrong with investing? $500 a month into an index funds for 20-25 years would have got you where you want to be.
I did it on minimum wage and retired at 46. The money is growing faster than I can spend.
I learned to manage my own money in Roth. My returns are easily double the market returns.
I didn't even start investing until I was 30, because of my visa. I bought a small condo at 30 and then at 40, I started investing. Still caught up with everyone as markets have been great.
Investing is something you do monthly. You learn and you get better at it. Don't leave it to some company to do it for you.
I always wondered how people with permits to invest and decent pay couldn't get it done. They just didn't work on it. It doesn't come on it's own. It definitely doesn't come with 401k.
The only way to know that 401k is no good, is to do it better and compare.

Your posts are not only tired, they’re bad advice. You claim so much success yet you never admit that these last decades have been a bull market. Anyone who has been able to save in the market has done well. Also, I’m not understanding why you’re against 401ks. They’re good. They reduce your current taxes and, most of the time, your employer adds to your balance with a match. Also good. Sure Roth IRA are good too but not everyone can contribute to those.