Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 19:41     Subject: Re:Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's not the only way to wealth, but people striving to achieve wealth typically have a "trailing spouse" who takes care of groceries, cooking, cleaning, repairs, appointments, gifts, vacation planning, etc. Even if it's outsourced, the trailing spouse is managing it. That's incredibly helpful in letting the other spouse focus on work.
In theory you could hire someone to do all this, but in practice people don't - especially if they are striving but not yet actually wealthy.


+1000

Spouse has been a CEO for 18 years. At all 3 companies and out of 35+ "execs", only 3 of the women had kids (the others were DINKS and planned to stay that way) and of the 3 with kids, 2 of them had SAHDs until the kids were in school and even then, the SAHD is the primary go to for "kid is sick, doctors appt, PT conferences". And of all the Male execs, only 1 had a spouse who worked---the rest stayed home with the kids or worked very PT (and as expected those working PT had to manage Childcare issues/sick kids/etc for their PT work, spouse did not do that).

Sure you can outsource things, but yes, the fact is for most who rise to Exec level/highest levels at work, they do so most often without having the stressors of being responsible for any issues outside of work (unless it's seriously major issue). Much easier to excel at work if you don't have to ever leave at 5:30pm to pickup kids before daycare closes. Never have to worry about "I cannot travel to that meeting next week, as my spouse is traveling and it's my week to be on kid duty", etc. All the little things that make it easier to advance at work.



None of this is relevant for your DH and most senior execs. I have a friend who is a BigLaw partner as well as a husband who runs a family business.

They have a live-in nanny and live-in housekeeper. Neither ever has to worry about picking up the kids at 5:30pm or finding coverage for a business trip (or finding coverage if they want to shoot off to Paris for a long weekend which they do from time-to-time).

She is just the type of person that would go nuts if she didn't have the stimulation of work


Someone still has to manage the Live in nanny and live in housekeeper. Point is even with both spouses working, someone has to manage the Homefront (on some level). And it's much easier to advance at work if you literally are the one who doesn't really ever have to do that. If the nanny decides to quit, someone has to find a new one and cobble together a part time team until that happens.

I get, some people need to work for the stimulation, nothgin wrong with that. But don't kid yourself that someone (male or female) who literally does not have to ever stress over kids and stuff at home will go further.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 19:38     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.


I earn $800K+ and wife has stayed home since kids arrived. Her earnings potential was high, but we still jointly made that choice (totally her choice). 20+ years ago we could have easily had a full time nanny and it would have only been 20% of her salary, but she wanted to be home with the kids. At some point, yes we could "earn more" but why? I make plenty for our lifestyle


Does she have full transparency and access to all the money you earn? DH earns that much; I work because he's controlling and secretive. Our kids still get plenty of time with me because I hire out everything, including meal prep, laundry, cleaning, and some driving, so when I'm with them, I'm 100% present and focused on them.


Yes, my wife has full access to all the money. in fact, she manages it (with our FA). I would have to ask her where the money is and how to access it. For all I know she could be transferring all of our money into her own name, as I dont' check the accounts. But she isn't because we have a loving, supportive relationship. We have an agreement that we only consult with each other for big purchases (over $1k). But in reality we rarely dont' agree on what to spend, and I'm not controlling. Our money is her money as much as it is mine.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 19:18     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Are you a robot?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 18:57     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
I guess it's mostly dependent on whether you stay married. Most divorced guys I know aren't doing well financially.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 18:49     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.


I earn $800K+ and wife has stayed home since kids arrived. Her earnings potential was high, but we still jointly made that choice (totally her choice). 20+ years ago we could have easily had a full time nanny and it would have only been 20% of her salary, but she wanted to be home with the kids. At some point, yes we could "earn more" but why? I make plenty for our lifestyle


And even have time to post on DCUM! Lol
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 18:29     Subject: Re:Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's not the only way to wealth, but people striving to achieve wealth typically have a "trailing spouse" who takes care of groceries, cooking, cleaning, repairs, appointments, gifts, vacation planning, etc. Even if it's outsourced, the trailing spouse is managing it. That's incredibly helpful in letting the other spouse focus on work.
In theory you could hire someone to do all this, but in practice people don't - especially if they are striving but not yet actually wealthy.


+1000

Spouse has been a CEO for 18 years. At all 3 companies and out of 35+ "execs", only 3 of the women had kids (the others were DINKS and planned to stay that way) and of the 3 with kids, 2 of them had SAHDs until the kids were in school and even then, the SAHD is the primary go to for "kid is sick, doctors appt, PT conferences". And of all the Male execs, only 1 had a spouse who worked---the rest stayed home with the kids or worked very PT (and as expected those working PT had to manage Childcare issues/sick kids/etc for their PT work, spouse did not do that).

Sure you can outsource things, but yes, the fact is for most who rise to Exec level/highest levels at work, they do so most often without having the stressors of being responsible for any issues outside of work (unless it's seriously major issue). Much easier to excel at work if you don't have to ever leave at 5:30pm to pickup kids before daycare closes. Never have to worry about "I cannot travel to that meeting next week, as my spouse is traveling and it's my week to be on kid duty", etc. All the little things that make it easier to advance at work.


Most of this isnt really relevant to the OP who I assume wouldnt otherwise be having kids unless they were married. Running a single person household is pretty easy and the few mildly bothersome chores can be outsourced without significant expense.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 13:35     Subject: Re:Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's not the only way to wealth, but people striving to achieve wealth typically have a "trailing spouse" who takes care of groceries, cooking, cleaning, repairs, appointments, gifts, vacation planning, etc. Even if it's outsourced, the trailing spouse is managing it. That's incredibly helpful in letting the other spouse focus on work.
In theory you could hire someone to do all this, but in practice people don't - especially if they are striving but not yet actually wealthy.


+1000

Spouse has been a CEO for 18 years. At all 3 companies and out of 35+ "execs", only 3 of the women had kids (the others were DINKS and planned to stay that way) and of the 3 with kids, 2 of them had SAHDs until the kids were in school and even then, the SAHD is the primary go to for "kid is sick, doctors appt, PT conferences". And of all the Male execs, only 1 had a spouse who worked---the rest stayed home with the kids or worked very PT (and as expected those working PT had to manage Childcare issues/sick kids/etc for their PT work, spouse did not do that).

Sure you can outsource things, but yes, the fact is for most who rise to Exec level/highest levels at work, they do so most often without having the stressors of being responsible for any issues outside of work (unless it's seriously major issue). Much easier to excel at work if you don't have to ever leave at 5:30pm to pickup kids before daycare closes. Never have to worry about "I cannot travel to that meeting next week, as my spouse is traveling and it's my week to be on kid duty", etc. All the little things that make it easier to advance at work.



None of this is relevant for your DH and most senior execs. I have a friend who is a BigLaw partner as well as a husband who runs a family business.

They have a live-in nanny and live-in housekeeper. Neither ever has to worry about picking up the kids at 5:30pm or finding coverage for a business trip (or finding coverage if they want to shoot off to Paris for a long weekend which they do from time-to-time).

She is just the type of person that would go nuts if she didn't have the stimulation of work
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 13:29     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Marriage to the rig jt person is the cornerstone of wealth.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 13:17     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.


I earn $800K+ and wife has stayed home since kids arrived. Her earnings potential was high, but we still jointly made that choice (totally her choice). 20+ years ago we could have easily had a full time nanny and it would have only been 20% of her salary, but she wanted to be home with the kids. At some point, yes we could "earn more" but why? I make plenty for our lifestyle


Does she have full transparency and access to all the money you earn? DH earns that much; I work because he's controlling and secretive. Our kids still get plenty of time with me because I hire out everything, including meal prep, laundry, cleaning, and some driving, so when I'm with them, I'm 100% present and focused on them.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 13:17     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
If you are strategic, yes, it is the way to wealth
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 13:14     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
I would be wealthier if I had never married or had kids. Even though my husband makes more than I do, he spends so much on his extended family, golf, and other things. Marriage is for the stability of raising children, not for building wealth.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 12:47     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:No one mentioned this but having a roommate will replicate most of the benefits of marriage. You will be splitting housing costs which are a huge expense for most people and also splitting utility costs. Although your housing cost will be higher paying for an extra bedroom it won't be 2x more. You can also split the housework 50/50 + maintaining your personal living space.

Not having kids will also significantly boost your wealth.


The not having kids is the biggest factor. Even with State U, you are currently at ~150-200K per kid just for college. From birth to 18, most people will easily spend $200K on a kid, more if you have daycare expenses. So assume $400K minimum as added expenses per kid. Now imagine if you invest even 50% of that for retirement/future.

One of the DINKS I know (same top 1-2% as us) have a $75K boat, own a $2M home, drive $80K vehicles, and travel all the time. They also have dogs that are beyond spoiled (so maybe 25% the cost of kids). Instead of saving for college, they get to pick luxury items they love and purchase them (think high end watches, high end jewelry, etc). Easy to do when you are not planning on $500-600K+ per kid over the first 18-20 years.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 12:45     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.


This is the way.


Unless he’s funding a retirement and savings account solely in his wife’s name, or has a post nup, he’s doing her dirty.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 12:43     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
Anonymous wrote:I earn 400k and wife stays home. Her earning potential is low so it doesn't make sense.


I earn $800K+ and wife has stayed home since kids arrived. Her earnings potential was high, but we still jointly made that choice (totally her choice). 20+ years ago we could have easily had a full time nanny and it would have only been 20% of her salary, but she wanted to be home with the kids. At some point, yes we could "earn more" but why? I make plenty for our lifestyle
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2025 12:41     Subject: Is marriage the *only* way to wealth?
I remember years ago, the approximate expense for 1 kid is roughly $250k until 18. Counting inflation, it’s probably close to half a million now.

Unless you know you’re marrying until do death do us part, divorce can wipe you out economically.