OP and her husband both sound like jerks. Hopefully they don't have kids.

Anonymous wrote:Dh very upset and passive aggressive that I didn’t. Has been giving me the silent treatment for 2 days.

Would he do that for you? We've never done that for each other, but if DH had a significant surgery, I'd take that day off to be his driver, or if he needed cancer treatments, I'd take whatever time off was needed. But if he had COVID, I'd bring him breakfast and go on with my day, as is the custom in our marriage when we get sick. In fact, the first time I got COVID during the paranioa, DH staid out of town on a work trip and lift me home with the kids, who got it from me, so not only did he fail to show up, but he also left our kids to get exposed and me to care for them while I was sick. So, rethinking whether I'll take time off to care for him in the future. The answer might be no.

Surgery, yes. I have taken off for transit to/from colonoscopy and vasectomy.

Sick? Not really. Once when he was so ill he had to get fluids I obviously jumped on that.

I am typically able to schedule around things so for surgeries I would just block meetings.

I had surgery earlier this year and my DH took off that day and the next day he worked from home, letting me know he could WFH again but it was fine. I was initially upset he didn't take the second day off but I'd never had surgery before so I didn't know what to expect. When I've been very sick with something run of the mill he has often WFH to manage kid duty more easily. I have done the same. We take trying not getting others sick pretty seriously.

So yes, we ask for what we want and generally are there for each other.

Anonymous wrote:Sick? No. A heart surgery? Yes. Oral surgery - I'd get him there and back home but then get back to work. This is an adult, not a child.

and I'd also help set things up so he would have easy access to medication and acceptable food or drink. I don't hate my husband so I'd be kind and try to make it easier for him. If you're just ignoring him and acting like it's nothing you're being an asshat. My dh would do the same for me though.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is having surgery this week, I took off the day before and the next 10 days. He will probably only need my help for 3 or 4 days. But I would rather not have to scramble in case there is a complication. Worst case scenario we get to hang out together for 5 or 6 days.

You're ridiculous. No one I know has that much time banked unless they're an old fed.