Anonymous wrote:OP here - Her college is hours away and she is going back a bit early and would like to have him there with her in her house that she shares with roommates. He will go back home, hopefully, once school starts but will take time off periodically to visit her during the semesters. They split the transportation costs.

First, she needs to check in with her future roommates if they are ok with her bringing her boyfriend to THEIR apartment... Why is she moving in early? to spend time with him?

At this point, there is not much you can do about the relationship....I don't know if this is her first and only boyfriend.. maybe she's insecure? or she simply doesn't care for money and just wants a "handsome" guy to brag about?

You should continue to encourage her to focus on her studies and make sure you let her know your expectations regarding college. Make sure she's stays in college and follows her path.... everything will fall into place if she has a good head on her shoulders!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He isn't your problem, your DD is. She should be focusing on school, career, friends, extracurricular activities and dating peers, not an uneducated, unemployed model wannabe.

If she loves him, she sure can support him unconditionally once she herself is employed and paying her own bills but shouldn't be doing it while living on your dime. Is there someone who can help her understand this?

She's already in college and has chosen not to date peers. Not sure which school OP's daughter attends, but many have more women than men, so the dating scene for women can be a choice between one-night stands and loneliness. Lots of Boomer comments in this thread not realizing how hard it is for young women to find quality men due to how few quality men exist.

OP is NTA but DD probably has her work cut out for her if she wants to win a keeper.

That’s absolutely untrue, especially in college. You pulled this out of your a$$.

My DD met her BF freshman year at college. He dropped out after three semesters and never went back. She transferred but got her degree. This was seven years ago. They are still together. He works in a grocery store and doesn’t seem to have any ambition beyond that.

They don’t have a lot of money, and I’m not close with him. But she’s happy, and that’s got to be what matters.

You’re the AH. Does he treat her well? Are they happy?
She is young. 99% chance she will break up and date other men in time. The more you are against it, the more likely she stays with him.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned with whether he is treating her well. That matters the most. Men take longer to mature. Don't discount him because he doesn't have the type of narrowly defined ambition 'you' care about.

A lot of high earning men treat their wives like crap. I do know parents who want that for their kids. I hope you are not one of them.

+1 I wouldn't stand in the way of a nice person who treats your daughter well. Sometimes it takes longer for people to figure out what they want to do after HS.

Anonymous wrote:He isn't your problem, your DD is. She should be focusing on school, career, friends, extracurricular activities and dating peers, not an uneducated, unemployed model wannabe.

If she loves him, she sure can support him unconditionally once she herself is employed and paying her own bills but shouldn't be doing it while living on your dime. Is there someone who can help her understand this?

She's already in college and has chosen not to date peers. Not sure which school OP's daughter attends, but many have more women than men, so the dating scene for women can be a choice between one-night stands and loneliness. Lots of Boomer comments in this thread not realizing how hard it is for young women to find quality men due to how few quality men exist.

OP is NTA but DD probably has her work cut out for her if she wants to win a keeper.

Anonymous wrote:He isn't your problem, your DD is. She should be focusing on school, career, friends, extracurricular activities and dating peers, not an uneducated, unemployed model wannabe.

If she loves him, she sure can support him unconditionally once she herself is employed and paying her own bills but shouldn't be doing it while living on your dime. Is there someone who can help her understand this?

This.

If he really wants to become a model, he needs to move to LA or NYC, not waste his youth and good looks, working minimum wage jobs in a small town.

The OP needs to clarify if the boy was invited to help unload the car and return with mom, move in for the year or visit for a few days with the girlfriend and return to his parent’s home in a few days.

He isn't your problem, your DD is. She should be focusing on school, career, friends, extracurricular activities and dating peers, not an uneducated, unemployed model wannabe.

If she loves him, she sure can support him unconditionally once she herself is employed and paying her own bills but shouldn't be doing it while living on your dime. Is there someone who can help her understand this?

She is 20, there isn't much you can do. If you can knock sense into her, great but that's unlikely. Under current circumstances a long drive with him would help you get to know his intentions and aspirations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet her new roommates in the group house would not much appreciate her showing up first thing with her boyfriend for a "few" days. I'd tell her no because it's simply not appropriate to move in WITH HER BOYFRIEND. if I were a parent of any of the other roommates moving in, I would def say something.

This happened to me in college and it was uncomfortable and awful. Most women don't want an out-of-town boyfriend moving in. The other parents will definitely not be pleased. Frame it this way if you need to take the heat off yourself!

Maybe OP's mom can message the other parents and let them know that the boyfriend wants to move in.