Can you honestly say the biggest difference between you and your divorced friend is o my your marital status?

Also, what are your OLD age settings on? 25 y/os will reject you AND 35 y/os who see you have your settings at 25 will reject you for being creepy. Do the difficult math: you are a bad bet for a 25 year old who might find herself a caregiver in her 40s….

What did the person posting about being lame mean? That lame men only succeed with Ukrainian and Russian women?

I dated someone who never married or had kids by late 40s. It was a disaster. They can’t relate to someone with kids (which I had) and were unable to let go and express themselves openly and freely. Hot and cold. Predictably unpredictable. I’d never experienced anything like it. They captivated me for a while and I was hopeful but it never improved.

Anonymous wrote:Why would I want to date a man with kids? No thank you.

+1

Anonymous wrote:It just baffles me that people think of marriage as this huge accomplishment in life. Most people complain about their marriages, nonstop, especially on here so avoiding marriage actually seems like the way to go.

many mental health medical professionals consider those who are married, in non-abusive, low-conflict partnerships, healthier than those who are not married

Anonymous wrote:It just baffles me that people think of marriage as this huge accomplishment in life. Most people complain about their marriages, nonstop, especially on here so avoiding marriage actually seems like the way to go.

Meh. I complain about my DH. I also complain about my extended family. I complain about my kids. I complain about my job. It does not mean I am better of without these people or things.

There are benefits and cost to marriage, just like there is to most things that are worth having.

That is SO not true. I prefer a man without kids and if previously married - a widower. Ex wives are tricky and kids are really complicated. Money is tied up in the kids, regardless of age. They are basically penniless.

I'm 47. I don't have a preference for whether a man was married previously, or has kids. However, for a serious relationship, if he has kids, I prefer that they be at the same stage as mine (teenagers in high school). I really can't see myself back in the position of having younger kids or tweens living in my home again, it was fine with my own kids but no desire to repeat.

Anonymous wrote:How tall are you OP?

+1.

If you are under 5'7", OLD is not the way to go. And the shorter you are, the more charming and lean you have to be.

Work on your shyness and your look. The divorced and single women I know with or without kids would love to date a man without kids. You have more time and are more flexible with your schedule.

It just baffles me that people think of marriage as this huge accomplishment in life. Most people complain about their marriages, nonstop, especially on here so avoiding marriage actually seems like the way to go.

I think you are wrong about the reason women aren't into you. Over 45 never married/no kids may be a red flag for some but it’s not a dealbreaker for many. I think there is something else going on and that you would benefit from finding out what it is.

What types of women are you trying to date? Age? Education? Career etc etc etc. Are these women your equivalents? Are you primarily dating younger because you want kids?

You aren't being rejected for your age and lack of kids. Your simultaneous pity party and entitlement are off-putting, and tha'ts before we even touch your misogony

How tall are you OP?

OP, did you have any quality relationships with women between 23-46? Did you ever live with a woman or if not did you have any steady long term dating relationships? I don't think it's simply not having been married or not having kids. I.e. any girlfriends?

During all that time what did you do for sexual relief? Sex.workers? Self help?

Is the reason you essentially exiled yourself for the bulk of your 20s and 30s so you wouldn't have to come to grips with your difficulties connecting with the opposite sex?

I mean you have to think about these questions and be able to explain what is going on with yourself if you hope to connect with a woman in the here and now. Especially if she has children.

What's the real deal OP?

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer a divorced man with no kids at 45+. No marriage at all by that age is a red flag for both men and women.

I agree. Kids are a complication, divorce is not, especially over 40 because so many single folks over 40 are divorced.

I suspect kids become less of an issue in your 50s and 60s because custody issues go away.

But no marriage at all by 45 raises questions. If the questions can be answered in a reasonable way (say, foreign service officer stationed in dangerous places, maybe a serious relationship that didn't work due to moves) might not matter.

But someone who has been dating normally for 25ish year and never settled down? Why? And what's different now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what are you going for now? Are you trying to meet someone to start a family with now? If so, what are you considering "too old" for you to date?

What were you doing between 30 and 46? Were you actively dating and trying to start a family and it just didn't work out? Or were you off touring as a musician or something and just putting off family life?

The context matters a lot.

So I graduated with a degree in petroleum engineering and from the age of 23 until 38 I was based outside the United States mainly in Africa Angola, Gabon and Nigeria and for a few years in Saudi Arabia. So I spent all my 20s/30s working in my dream job and still do but I am not longer on the field.

That's a good answer! Keep at the OLD. Schedule as many convenient, low pressure first dates as possible (drinks or coffee, not dinner) with women 35-45 who say they are looking for a partner to get married and have a family. Assume of 10 first dates, there will be one second date. Maybe .5 second dates. It's really important to level set and assume you will be getting "rejected" or will be "rejecting" most of the time, even though usually it's just a mutual "no thank you" and "rejected" is too strong a word.