Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 21:28     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is returning to work for us after having a baby and staying home for six months.

When she left, she made it pretty clear she was leaving, which I didn’t entirely understand since I would have given her paid leave and guaranteed her job. I would have even entertained her bringing her baby to work. She seemed adamant she was just leaving.m and I accepted it.

She recently let me know she’s available to work in the fall and wants to earn a certain amount a week. There was some confusion over the hours I need and she’s suggesting that we pay her a flat rate, which ends up being $34 an hour off the books. I live in a MCOL city and $34 is well above market for two kids.

Since I didn’t know she was returning to work, I signed both my kids up for FT daycare and aftercare. So I’ll have this expense plus her additional hours.

I am willing to pay what we were paying six months ago - $28.

We do very much value her and my kids love her. She’s been a great nanny outside of the strangeness around leaving.

I hate getting into practically an argument around her pay, and also feel cheap not just forking over the extra $60 a week. But I also feel like she might be taking advantage of me as I’m sure I seem very wealthy to her.

Thoughts?


Shame on you fur paying off the books. If I knew you, I would report both of you.


I haven’t paid off the books (yet).
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 19:32     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is returning to work for us after having a baby and staying home for six months.

When she left, she made it pretty clear she was leaving, which I didn’t entirely understand since I would have given her paid leave and guaranteed her job. I would have even entertained her bringing her baby to work. She seemed adamant she was just leaving.m and I accepted it.

She recently let me know she’s available to work in the fall and wants to earn a certain amount a week. There was some confusion over the hours I need and she’s suggesting that we pay her a flat rate, which ends up being $34 an hour off the books. I live in a MCOL city and $34 is well above market for two kids.

Since I didn’t know she was returning to work, I signed both my kids up for FT daycare and aftercare. So I’ll have this expense plus her additional hours.

I am willing to pay what we were paying six months ago - $28.

We do very much value her and my kids love her. She’s been a great nanny outside of the strangeness around leaving.

I hate getting into practically an argument around her pay, and also feel cheap not just forking over the extra $60 a week. But I also feel like she might be taking advantage of me as I’m sure I seem very wealthy to her.

Thoughts?


Shame on you fur paying off the books. If I knew you, I would report both of you.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 19:01     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is returning to work for us after having a baby and staying home for six months.

When she left, she made it pretty clear she was leaving, which I didn’t entirely understand since I would have given her paid leave and guaranteed her job. I would have even entertained her bringing her baby to work. She seemed adamant she was just leaving.m and I accepted it.

She recently let me know she’s available to work in the fall and wants to earn a certain amount a week. There was some confusion over the hours I need and she’s suggesting that we pay her a flat rate, which ends up being $34 an hour off the books. I live in a MCOL city and $34 is well above market for two kids.

Since I didn’t know she was returning to work, I signed both my kids up for FT daycare and aftercare. So I’ll have this expense plus her additional hours.

I am willing to pay what we were paying six months ago - $28.

We do very much value her and my kids love her. She’s been a great nanny outside of the strangeness around leaving.

I hate getting into practically an argument around her pay, and also feel cheap not just forking over the extra $60 a week. But I also feel like she might be taking advantage of me as I’m sure I seem very wealthy to her.

Thoughts?


Tell her to get lost


It’s that bad?
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 15:35     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is returning to work for us after having a baby and staying home for six months.

When she left, she made it pretty clear she was leaving, which I didn’t entirely understand since I would have given her paid leave and guaranteed her job. I would have even entertained her bringing her baby to work. She seemed adamant she was just leaving.m and I accepted it.

She recently let me know she’s available to work in the fall and wants to earn a certain amount a week. There was some confusion over the hours I need and she’s suggesting that we pay her a flat rate, which ends up being $34 an hour off the books. I live in a MCOL city and $34 is well above market for two kids.

Since I didn’t know she was returning to work, I signed both my kids up for FT daycare and aftercare. So I’ll have this expense plus her additional hours.

I am willing to pay what we were paying six months ago - $28.

We do very much value her and my kids love her. She’s been a great nanny outside of the strangeness around leaving.

I hate getting into practically an argument around her pay, and also feel cheap not just forking over the extra $60 a week. But I also feel like she might be taking advantage of me as I’m sure I seem very wealthy to her.

Thoughts?


Tell her to get lost
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 15:29     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is returning to work for us after having a baby and staying home for six months.

When she left, she made it pretty clear she was leaving, which I didn’t entirely understand since I would have given her paid leave and guaranteed her job. I would have even entertained her bringing her baby to work. She seemed adamant she was just leaving.m and I accepted it.

She recently let me know she’s available to work in the fall and wants to earn a certain amount a week. There was some confusion over the hours I need and she’s suggesting that we pay her a flat rate, which ends up being $34 an hour off the books. I live in a MCOL city and $34 is well above market for two kids.

Since I didn’t know she was returning to work, I signed both my kids up for FT daycare and aftercare. So I’ll have this expense plus her additional hours.

I am willing to pay what we were paying six months ago - $28.

We do very much value her and my kids love her. She’s been a great nanny outside of the strangeness around leaving.

I hate getting into practically an argument around her pay, and also feel cheap not just forking over the extra $60 a week. But I also feel like she might be taking advantage of me as I’m sure I seem very wealthy to her.

Thoughts?


$34 an hour is a lot, especially if she's bringing the baby. $28 is still very high. I would decline telling her you didn't think that she was planning to work per previous discussion and now kids are in a day care and budget wise, its not going to work for you. Tell her you'd be happy to recommend her and post on facebook to help her find a new family.


The challenge is that I already agreed to having her return. We agreed on a weekly amount that is $28 an hour. I went back to my texts to make sure I wasn’t mistaken.

She then recently followed up asking about the hours/start date, and made it clear that some of the hours would need to be paid outside of the weekly amount. This change results in the hourly rate being $34 an hour.

She said she will accept $28, but she really needs the $34 to make ends meet and pay bills.

Also before she left she was on the books and now she is off the books.

I appreciate the responses because I can now see we need to cut ties. My emotions got involved because she was a wonderful nanny.


Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 15:23     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t hire her back. I have had a nanny that wanted more per hour than I could pay and it created a very uncomfortable situation and she was always trying to renegotiate. Truly her weirdness about leaving , etc are red flags. Kids will love another great nanny too - truly!


+1. She didn't want to come back to work for you six months ago so you and the kids moved on. Now she wants more money to do the same job and work less hours. Of course you feel taken advantage of. She will end up leaving again, you know that right?


And, probably bring the baby with her.


She’s not bringing the baby with her.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 15:23     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t hire her back. I have had a nanny that wanted more per hour than I could pay and it created a very uncomfortable situation and she was always trying to renegotiate. Truly her weirdness about leaving , etc are red flags. Kids will love another great nanny too - truly!


+1. She didn't want to come back to work for you six months ago so you and the kids moved on. Now she wants more money to do the same job and work less hours. Of course you feel taken advantage of. She will end up leaving again, you know that right?


This is a great description of what’s going on.

I do know she will leave again and I’m kind of okay with that.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:42     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't have hired her back. She needs $34 an hour, so she's going to leave you to go get it. You should have said we already made alternate childcare arrangements since you said you weren't coming back, and we can't afford your new rate, but if you're interested in babysitting occasionally for date nights I know the kids would love to see you.


To be fair, we can use the additional help and we can afford the new rate. It’s more the principle of it.


Don't be cheap. Pay your nanny well!


$28 an hour for an nanny job is paying veyr well.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:41     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't have hired her back. She needs $34 an hour, so she's going to leave you to go get it. You should have said we already made alternate childcare arrangements since you said you weren't coming back, and we can't afford your new rate, but if you're interested in babysitting occasionally for date nights I know the kids would love to see you.


Is she though? She’s not likely to earn this in my community. She knows my kids and the job is a known.

This is only for 13 hours a week. I’d assume if she needed more money, she’d offer more hours, no?



No, she wants time with her new baby.


Who doesn’t? I also want more time with my kids.

Am I responsible for subsidizing her time? That’s essentially what I’m doing. I will be paying well above market rate.


A baby takes a lot more work and time. So, OP kids will be losing time for more money. Day care and after care is more appropiate for a 4 year old. I'd be paying her 1/3 less, not more if she brings her baby as that's a nanny share.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:39     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Don’t hire her back. I have had a nanny that wanted more per hour than I could pay and it created a very uncomfortable situation and she was always trying to renegotiate. Truly her weirdness about leaving , etc are red flags. Kids will love another great nanny too - truly!


+1. She didn't want to come back to work for you six months ago so you and the kids moved on. Now she wants more money to do the same job and work less hours. Of course you feel taken advantage of. She will end up leaving again, you know that right?


And, probably bring the baby with her.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:38     Subject: Returning nanny
OP, this isn't going to work out well - she made a bad decision combined with the sense of entitlement and a low level of resentment will only grow. She needs to move on and so do you.
You have already made other arrangements. I would offer an on-call babysitting gig to her but honestly your child will be in K soon and the need for this nanny is already receding.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:38     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:Our nanny is returning to work for us after having a baby and staying home for six months.

When she left, she made it pretty clear she was leaving, which I didn’t entirely understand since I would have given her paid leave and guaranteed her job. I would have even entertained her bringing her baby to work. She seemed adamant she was just leaving.m and I accepted it.

She recently let me know she’s available to work in the fall and wants to earn a certain amount a week. There was some confusion over the hours I need and she’s suggesting that we pay her a flat rate, which ends up being $34 an hour off the books. I live in a MCOL city and $34 is well above market for two kids.

Since I didn’t know she was returning to work, I signed both my kids up for FT daycare and aftercare. So I’ll have this expense plus her additional hours.

I am willing to pay what we were paying six months ago - $28.

We do very much value her and my kids love her. She’s been a great nanny outside of the strangeness around leaving.

I hate getting into practically an argument around her pay, and also feel cheap not just forking over the extra $60 a week. But I also feel like she might be taking advantage of me as I’m sure I seem very wealthy to her.

Thoughts?


$34 an hour is a lot, especially if she's bringing the baby. $28 is still very high. I would decline telling her you didn't think that she was planning to work per previous discussion and now kids are in a day care and budget wise, its not going to work for you. Tell her you'd be happy to recommend her and post on facebook to help her find a new family.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:34     Subject: Returning nanny
I wouldn't. You are resenting her already and she's resenting that she has to go work. It won't work out and 4 year olds need the preschool anyway. She will be out more than you know with having an infant, won't be able to care for sniffly kids etc etc
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:30     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:Don’t hire her back. I have had a nanny that wanted more per hour than I could pay and it created a very uncomfortable situation and she was always trying to renegotiate. Truly her weirdness about leaving , etc are red flags. Kids will love another great nanny too - truly!


+1. She didn't want to come back to work for you six months ago so you and the kids moved on. Now she wants more money to do the same job and work less hours. Of course you feel taken advantage of. She will end up leaving again, you know that right?
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2025 13:13     Subject: Returning nanny
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she and you both need a better fit. Maybe she should invest in a cna degree to get more income. I don’t think enabling this situation for her is helping her as you think.


I don’t think it’s helpful at all. I think she needs a 40 hour a week job.


Ok but If she wants to be with her newborn it’s understandable. She apparently only needs 20,000k a year but would need twice that to pay for infant daycare for a 40 hour a week job. She should: 1. find a nanny job that allows her to bring her baby at a likely lower pay rate or 2. Take this time to do an online certification for a career that will pay more.

Op artificially inflating her salary for a couple years will not help her out in the long run. Not to mention the lack of social security etc benefits.