Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

I wouldn’t agree to being exclusive without determining our sexual compatibility

DP.

So how many times do you sleep with someone to determine you are compatible for exclusivity?

When I was dating, it took about 2 months to know if someone was right for me. Two months is not a long time to devote to one person. I moved on after two months if the person was not right. Never felt the urgency to date more than one person after a couple of dates. It was either not worth it after 2 dates or 2 months.

I don't see how people are not sure if they want to marry someone after two years. But I agree that if it took me 2 years to know if someone was a good fit, I'd definitely not be exclusive until 6 months in. You'd have to date a lot of people at the same time to go through as many guys in the 2 years of dating as I went through every 2 months.

2 months is nothing to me. It’s a timeframe to show only communication and conflict management ability.
Real hidden things or long term obstacles come to surface when passion subsides, and people show who they really are, it’s about 6 months. Relationships that last more than 6 months end up very long term to me.

Ok. That makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he's not super into you, but he's getting sex so why not continue. I follow the "no sex without monogamy" thing because that's what works for me. Clearly that's not what works for him. You have to decide if you need that.

I wouldn’t have been opposed to just hooking up (he’s cute and good in bed), I just find it odd he wasn’t honest with me about sleeping with someone else and not seeing relationship potential with me.

How was he not honest? You asked, he answered.

Or do you mean you think he was dishonest because he didn’t voluntarily disclose it upfront? I don’t think that is dishonest.

OP. Yes, it feels like a lie of omission. Sort of like, I have kids, and if I didn’t disclose to a man after several dates that I had kids, then said “well you never asked!”

Admittedly I may be sensitive to this as my xH would try to get away with cheating on technicalities, like “you never TOLD me I couldn’t get on dating apps/sext with ex-girlfriends/DM random women on Facebook” when I felt it’s pretty obvious you don’t do those things when in a relationship.

Anyway, I’ve decided to end things with the guy. I don’t feel comfortable with the situation. He asked me to come over last night and I let him know I don't see a future and wouldn’t be seeing him anymore.

You shouldn’t be “coming over” at night to his place after only 6 dates. You should plan something together outside even if it’s an evening walk and a drink at a bar, then if it feels right retire at a place where one of you lives. Men should alternate staying at your place or their place.
Maybe for starters OP should stop being on call for guys, driving to their apartments at night as an escort.
No wonder the dude was surprised that exclusivity was expected !

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

You are a rare exception. 70% men and women on OLD have different partners at a time. It’s statistically confirmed, there was a report published at some point

Another guy here and I have the same rule as PP. I make that clear very early.

Another guy here. I would say I have rules and I don't have certain things that I need to make clear, but I do better with exclusivity and I'm a pretty open communicator. If a woman is less clear and it seems like she's keeping her options very open I may give it a shot but so far that dynamic has never held my interest for long.

And in terms of assessing sexual compatibility, I do better when I feel very desired, not when I feel like I'm one of 4 guys a woman is presently trying out.

And I do better without condoms.

Treat your ED and delayed ejaculation medically before you continue stepping with multiple women unprotected. That would be the right approach to the issue of condoms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

I wouldn’t agree to being exclusive without determining our sexual compatibility

DP.

So how many times do you sleep with someone to determine you are compatible for exclusivity?

When I was dating, it took about 2 months to know if someone was right for me. Two months is not a long time to devote to one person. I moved on after two months if the person was not right. Never felt the urgency to date more than one person after a couple of dates. It was either not worth it after 2 dates or 2 months.

I don't see how people are not sure if they want to marry someone after two years. But I agree that if it took me 2 years to know if someone was a good fit, I'd definitely not be exclusive until 6 months in. You'd have to date a lot of people at the same time to go through as many guys in the 2 years of dating as I went through every 2 months.

2 months is nothing to me. It’s a timeframe to show only communication and conflict management ability.
Real hidden things or long term obstacles come to surface when passion subsides, and people show who they really are, it’s about 6 months. Relationships that last more than 6 months end up very long term to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

You are a rare exception. 70% men and women on OLD have different partners at a time. It’s statistically confirmed, there was a report published at some point

Another guy here and I have the same rule as PP. I make that clear very early.

Another guy here. I would say I have rules and I don't have certain things that I need to make clear, but I do better with exclusivity and I'm a pretty open communicator. If a woman is less clear and it seems like she's keeping her options very open I may give it a shot but so far that dynamic has never held my interest for long.

And in terms of assessing sexual compatibility, I do better when I feel very desired, not when I feel like I'm one of 4 guys a woman is presently trying out.

And I do better without condoms.

And no, it’s never 4 guys at the same time that I tryout. That would be impossible to juggle for a busy professional woman. I usually sleep with 2 men and very actively communicating and go out with both. I might accept coffee dates from others if I’m really interested but I don’t use men for sexual entertainment

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

You are a rare exception. 70% men and women on OLD have different partners at a time. It’s statistically confirmed, there was a report published at some point

Another guy here and I have the same rule as PP. I make that clear very early.

Another guy here. I would say I have rules and I don't have certain things that I need to make clear, but I do better with exclusivity and I'm a pretty open communicator. If a woman is less clear and it seems like she's keeping her options very open I may give it a shot but so far that dynamic has never held my interest for long.

And in terms of assessing sexual compatibility, I do better when I feel very desired, not when I feel like I'm one of 4 guys a woman is presently trying out.

And I do better without condoms.

As a woman, I only start my relationship “open” both ways. Me seeing someone else won’t prevent me from showing a real interest and passion if I’m really into you. But I don’t want to be “exclusive” just because a man wants to f..k raw. It’s risky for my heath to date serially one “exclusive” man after another with unprotected sex, in a sequence of mid-term relationships. I did have minor STDs and UTIs from that, because men tend to lie a lot and these relationships often fizzle, too. So the choices are 1. Delay sex with everyone until I really know the person - not great as I risk losing potentially interesting man or 2. Use condoms even after agreeing to exclusivity to build a long term trust. All relationships start with a 3rd date sex as this is what men want on OLD but all with condoms only PIV, open only and no fluids exchange like oral sex etc.

Men created stupid games, men are trying to “test” multiple women so we, women, are now playing by your rules and adjusting to mitigate our emotional and health risks accordingly

My now-husband asked to make it official within a week of our first date.

I don't like how the power balance seems skewed to favor the man: we tell women have sex quickly, don't pressure the man to commit, or you will end up single. Guess what, they're still single.

OP you were dating other men too.

He wasn’t dishonest. You had only been on 6 dates. Had you talked about the other men you were still dating? If not, then aren’t you equally as dishonest and if yes, then why would he think you would be bothered by him doing the same. Sex is part of dating for many. If you want or expect sexual exclusivity, you have to talk about it, be clear in what you want and see if you are compatable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

I wouldn’t agree to being exclusive without determining our sexual compatibility

DP.

So how many times do you sleep with someone to determine you are compatible for exclusivity?

When I was dating, it took about 2 months to know if someone was right for me. Two months is not a long time to devote to one person. I moved on after two months if the person was not right. Never felt the urgency to date more than one person after a couple of dates. It was either not worth it after 2 dates or 2 months.

I don't see how people are not sure if they want to marry someone after two years. But I agree that if it took me 2 years to know if someone was a good fit, I'd definitely not be exclusive until 6 months in. You'd have to date a lot of people at the same time to go through as many guys in the 2 years of dating as I went through every 2 months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he's not super into you, but he's getting sex so why not continue. I follow the "no sex without monogamy" thing because that's what works for me. Clearly that's not what works for him. You have to decide if you need that.

I wouldn’t have been opposed to just hooking up (he’s cute and good in bed), I just find it odd he wasn’t honest with me about sleeping with someone else and not seeing relationship potential with me.

How was he not honest? You asked, he answered.

Or do you mean you think he was dishonest because he didn’t voluntarily disclose it upfront? I don’t think that is dishonest.

OP. Yes, it feels like a lie of omission. Sort of like, I have kids, and if I didn’t disclose to a man after several dates that I had kids, then said “well you never asked!”

Admittedly I may be sensitive to this as my xH would try to get away with cheating on technicalities, like “you never TOLD me I couldn’t get on dating apps/sext with ex-girlfriends/DM random women on Facebook” when I felt it’s pretty obvious you don’t do those things when in a relationship.

Anyway, I’ve decided to end things with the guy. I don’t feel comfortable with the situation. He asked me to come over last night and I let him know I don't see a future and wouldn’t be seeing him anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

You are a rare exception. 70% men and women on OLD have different partners at a time. It’s statistically confirmed, there was a report published at some point

Another guy here and I have the same rule as PP. I make that clear very early.

Another guy here. I would say I have rules and I don't have certain things that I need to make clear, but I do better with exclusivity and I'm a pretty open communicator. If a woman is less clear and it seems like she's keeping her options very open I may give it a shot but so far that dynamic has never held my interest for long.

And in terms of assessing sexual compatibility, I do better when I feel very desired, not when I feel like I'm one of 4 guys a woman is presently trying out.

And I do better without condoms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

I wouldn’t agree to being exclusive without determining our sexual compatibility

Nope.
Move along then.
You don’t get to “test drive” me.
Especially when I’m pretty sure you test drive the vehicles you own, but you still don’t keep them for more than 5-6 years.
No.
You want a shot at seeing whether we are sexually compatible?
Then you commit to getting to know me and being physically intimate with only me.
If we turn out to be sexually “incompatible” then you can break it off with me and go back to playing the field.
But I’m not playing the role of your Friday night girl while you’re rolling around in the sheets with other girls on Thursday night and Saturday night!

This rigid attitude is a huge turnoff. Hard pass. Your loss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he's not super into you, but he's getting sex so why not continue. I follow the "no sex without monogamy" thing because that's what works for me. Clearly that's not what works for him. You have to decide if you need that.

I wouldn’t have been opposed to just hooking up (he’s cute and good in bed), I just find it odd he wasn’t honest with me about sleeping with someone else and not seeing relationship potential with me.

How was he not honest? You asked, he answered.

Or do you mean you think he was dishonest because he didn’t voluntarily disclose it upfront? I don’t think that is dishonest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t sleep with anyone until we were exclusive.

+1 and I'm a man. Can't enjoy being intimate with someone until we know each other well enough to have the exclusively talk.

You are a rare exception. 70% men and women on OLD have different partners at a time. It’s statistically confirmed, there was a report published at some point

Another guy here and I have the same rule as PP. I make that clear very early.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t sleep with someone unless you are married to them

I for one am glad we slept together before getting married. Might have something to do with the fact that we still sleep together 20 years later.