OP, I know it’s hard. Here’s what I try to remember: It was my job to get DC to this pivotal stage of life. I’ve done that job well, with a combination of love, hard work, and a bit of luck. How fortunate am I to even be here to help DC in the transition to college? Several people I’ve known over the years did not have that gift - including assorted friends and my own father.

I’m no longer religious, but recall the Biblical admonition to rejoice in every day. That’s what I try to do, because every day - with its ups and downs - is precious.

Wishing you well in the coming weeks.

Anonymous wrote:I've read them in the past and now I'm here. And am so incredibly sad and anxious that college is a month away and I'll be an empty nester. I am super excited for DC too. (I'm also not working right thx to DOGE so have a lot of time on my hands to dwell on it).t

More than DC actually leaving -though I'll miss DC terribly- it's sort of what it represents: end of childhood, end of our family unit as we know it, DC separating from us, nothing for me to look fw to but getting old, etc. And before I'm accused of not cutting the apron strings, I've always worked, traveled, done things with friends, etc. But, I'm never more happy when I'm home with my family and everyone is tucked in and safe.

How did you deal?

You remind yourself that this is the goal of raising kids---to have them become independent, fully functioning adults. And college is part of that process for most. You focus on quality time with them, and realize that gets less and less as they grow.

Both my kids attended college 2-3K miles from home. One landed 2K miles from home. other still in college. We see the Launched kid about 20-25 days a year (and that's without us going to visit them). It's strategic planning of vacations and still paying for their trips
They will come home for xmas for 2 weeks and work from home for part of it. They will come for a 4 day weekend and only have to take 1 day off.

Key is to realize that this is exactly what you want---adult kids, living the life they want/forged themselves and that they are Happy!
Now that we are retired, we also plan to travel to them a bit more.

It's hard, OP -- my youngest is starting college in a few weeks.

Like many other posters, after three years of the older one being in college, I know there are a lot of positives to this transition. I enjoy my relationship with my older kid a lot more now that she is more independent. She has spent every break and summer at home, so that's been nice, and has often come home for random weekends as well. All of that makes me less scared for DS to leave.

That said, it's my youngest and I'm a single parent. It's just going to be weird to come home to an empty house all the time! I am planning to increase my community/volunteer involvement and maybe join a masters swimming group.

“ nothing for me to look fw to but getting old, etc.”


This is only true if you let it be true.

My Dd has been prepping me for the separation and she doesn't realize it....she's always out with friends (their last summer together), working a ton (saving for a car), on a long run (still loves her XC teammates), and the list goes on.
We are like passing ships in the night and she is home here and there for family time, but not like it used to be.

But her being "gone from the house" daily has sorta acclimated me to what Aug 20 (and beyond) will be like after her move-in day and ill drive home solo and walk onto a quiet house.

I assume sure most of the people reading/posting on this thread are moms. I’ll say for any dads reading this — you may want to give some thought to drop off before it happens. I was raised in the “men don’t show their emotions” culture, and my interactions with my son for most of his life were things like rebounding for him, spotting him while lifting, and long conversation driving to and from sports practices and games. In the days leading up to dropping him off, there were times when I didn’t think I’d hold it together when the time came. I thought a lot about what my kid needed from me, and drop off went fine, but I think it was because I took some time to really think about it.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad my kid is leaving. At the same time, I'm an older parent, and I'm aware that the sooner they are independent and established in their careers, the better, in case I get hit with an unexpected health problem.

In a similar boat. Not much older but definitely got a long term, chronic illness. Happy that they are leaving (2 of them at the same time!) and going off to find their own ways. They worked so hard to get to this point, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've read them in the past and now I'm here. And am so incredibly sad and anxious that college is a month away and I'll be an empty nester. I am super excited for DC too. (I'm also not working right thx to DOGE so have a lot of time on my hands to dwell on it).t

More than DC actually leaving -though I'll miss DC terribly- it's sort of what it represents: end of childhood, end of our family unit as we know it, DC separating from us, nothing for me to look fw to but getting old, etc. And before I'm accused of not cutting the apron strings, I've always worked, traveled, done things with friends, etc. But, I'm never more happy when I'm home with my family and everyone is tucked in and safe.

How did you deal?

We moved. He brings his laundry home on the weekends. And as long as we see him once a week we don't chase him but if he misses a week we said we would cover ourselves in body paint and show up at his college football games and wander over to the student section asking for him. He didn't have any unexcused absences from weekend visits last year.

I hope you're joking but fear you're not. I feel bad for your son that he's being pressured to go home every weekend instead of building a life in college.

Anonymous wrote:I've read them in the past and now I'm here. And am so incredibly sad and anxious that college is a month away and I'll be an empty nester. I am super excited for DC too. (I'm also not working right thx to DOGE so have a lot of time on my hands to dwell on it).t

More than DC actually leaving -though I'll miss DC terribly- it's sort of what it represents: end of childhood, end of our family unit as we know it, DC separating from us, nothing for me to look fw to but getting old, etc. And before I'm accused of not cutting the apron strings, I've always worked, traveled, done things with friends, etc. But, I'm never more happy when I'm home with my family and everyone is tucked in and safe.

How did you deal?

We moved. He brings his laundry home on the weekends. And as long as we see him once a week we don't chase him but if he misses a week we said we would cover ourselves in body paint and show up at his college football games and wander over to the student section asking for him. He didn't have any unexcused absences from weekend visits last year.

Anonymous wrote:Mine come home at least once a month for weekend or more. Talk every day. It’s a bit more time for you - freedom to not cook dinner every night! Less laundry! But they will be back for weeks at break time and it’s like nothing changed

Most kids don’t come home every month or talk to their parents every day. Kids who go out of state might only come home for Thanksgiving (or not even that if it’s far given the expensive airfare at that time), winter and spring breaks. Many stay on campus for jobs or research over the summer.

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad my kid is leaving. At the same time, I'm an older parent, and I'm aware that the sooner they are independent and established in their careers, the better, in case I get hit with an unexpected health problem.

Good point.

I'm sad my kid is leaving. At the same time, I'm an older parent, and I'm aware that the sooner they are independent and established in their careers, the better, in case I get hit with an unexpected health problem.

One word: pickleball

Anonymous wrote:My child is autistic with learning disabilities. For large parts of high school, I wasn't sure he'd go to college -- HS graduation wasn't even guaranteed. I'll miss him, but I'm not at all sad. I'm so freaking happy we've gotten to this point.

I'm so happy for you and your son, PP! Congratulations and best wishes!

Our youngest of three kids graduated from college last year. The transition to empty nesting was hard for me, but I want to assure you all that you and your kids can evolve and find a new way of being a family. You will probably worry a lot, but it's amazing to see them weather the challenges of adulthood. They will teach you new things and new ways of looking at the world. And they will bring new friends and partners into the family who will become your friends. Prayer and giving your dog entirely too much attention are both helpful strategies on this journey.

Mine come home at least once a month for weekend or more. Talk every day. It’s a bit more time for you - freedom to not cook dinner every night! Less laundry! But they will be back for weeks at break time and it’s like nothing changed