Do the things you've always wanted to do, but saved for "when you retire."

We were always big savers and very frugal living well below our means. In retirement we’ve lightened up somewhat but being cost conscious is part of our DNA. We do fly first class and travel well but spend little on clothes, cars and dining out. My husband has been buying used cars…nice ones….for 15 years and I drive a 12 year old Subaru SUV. We do give a lot to charity and grandchildren 529s so we’re not keeping the money in our mattresses.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree it's some weird mental hangup. We rationally understand we can afford a lot more without jeopardizing security/the future.

But when I go to a fancy restaurant, I mentally still look at all the entree prices and make value judgements. We love to travel but I'm struggling to make the leap to nicer hotels and business class. I don't even like buying the teenagers $140 sneakers. I do it, because it's the kids and it's important to them, but I am outraged by it and would NEVER by myself $140 sneakers.

What is wrong with me? And yes I grew up working class. DH grew up more middle class and later upper middle class by HS, but his parents are also frugal.

I really do want to make the shift. But I am full of guilt over things I don't "need" that are "wasteful."

So don’t spend the money. I don’t understand this post. If you don’t want to spend money, then don’t spend it. It doesn’t make you either a good or bad person. Do what makes you comfortable.

I just think to myself - we only have one life. If I can throw a small bit of money at something to make it easier/better/more fulfilling, why not?

Also, I want to enjoy my money while I am able. Too many people wait until they are old and decrepit and I dont want to do that lol.

I find more clever ways to get what I want:

-I use credit card reward points to book business class seats
-I also have sold items or took on a side hustle to buy things that are so luxuriously unnecessary

Takes the sting out of spending a bit.

I'm also front-loading more international trips in the next couple years, because I recognize there's a time limit for enjoyable travel. I wanted to experience Europe with my kid when he was 4 years old. No regrets--we all had a blast. Soon, he'll be less interested in hanging out with us.

Also, I want to travel while I'm still physically able to. I saw some people who looked like they were in their 50s struggling on some hikes recently, and I don't want that to be me.

Anonymous wrote:Within reason because obviously you aren’t going to change your entire personality. How to do this?

We are mid 40’s, fully saved for college and doing well on savings; mortgage done in a few years. HHI has increased dramatically in the past few years (400k to 800k+) and expenses have remained low. No plans to change housing expenses but maybe could use some home upgrades and maintenance. Cars good.

How to make the mental shift?

Anyone?

Have a discussion together about what you both want to spend on, then save for it and pay cash. So pick a vacation or a home renovation. Trust me you will appreciate what you do

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who posted earlier about committing to buying myself lie-flat seats on flights. Another aspect of this, which I haven't seen mentioned, is a fear of hedonic adaptation. What if I get used to the lie-flat seats and they cease to bring me job? If I'm being honest this is a lingering hang-up for me - I suppose it's inevitable but it also makes me hesitate to spend money on things that upgrade my lifestyle. Any thoughts on how to deal with this?

You can't avoid it with physical things. Even a 7k sq foot mansion feels "normal" after a couple of years in it. There are things which will continually give you happiness, or help you avoid stress:

1. Short/unstressful commute- studies are quite clear that long driving commutes are very bad for well-being- both the time spent and the stress from traffic uncertainty, etc. This can cost money, of course- a house closer to metro is more expensive.
2. Spending time with family and friends. Again, can spend money to do more of this.
3. Being involved in meaningful things like hobbies with others, volunteering, etc. Mostly not directly money related.

Of course there is a longer list, but that's how I think about it. And I use miles to fly in business on long haul flights, and its amazing, but generally only do it on overnight flights. Am fine with economy on daytime flights.

I had a father with this mindset. Here are some of the things he did:

Bought a cheap house in a bad school district, when he could have afforded to buy a slightly better house in a dramatically better school district 5 miles away. My brother and I were 99th percentile test takers who suffered from a bad education and never learned how to study and work hard.

Fretted over paying for my very modest wedding and actually disinvited relatives I had invited because he didn't want to pay for them.

Died with more than $1 million in the bank and a paid off house.

We seriously suffered so much bc of his frugality, and we didn't have to. I also never learned how to invest in myself -- I'm in my 40s and am still learning now that sometimes you need to spend money in order to create something big.

^joy not job

I'm the PP who posted earlier about committing to buying myself lie-flat seats on flights. Another aspect of this, which I haven't seen mentioned, is a fear of hedonic adaptation. What if I get used to the lie-flat seats and they cease to bring me job? If I'm being honest this is a lingering hang-up for me - I suppose it's inevitable but it also makes me hesitate to spend money on things that upgrade my lifestyle. Any thoughts on how to deal with this?

I read the book "Die With Zero" and it helped me let go a little. Our HHI is 7 figures but I still always felt stressed about money and had a scarcity mindset. The more I earned, the more internal pressure I felt to save more. That book changed my life. I still save, I still like accumulating money, but I have grown to take joy in spending it too, and doing so has meaningfully increased my happiness and lowered my stress.

I made a list of my charitable priorities, got more involved with the organizations and increased my donations. I like being a mini philanthropist