Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -

Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.

You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.

Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.

That's a big no-no for Americans. Even when there's just one parent remaining and they are really, really old, they'd rather have that parent live in some shitty home rather at theirs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

If you can't pay her back because you don't have the resources, it doesn't change who you are. If you are able and don't, that's a different story.

I can always find more jobs. Where there's a will, there's a way. Even with all three of my jobs, I still make less than $100k.

could have been worse, my parents ran out of money in their 60s AND had a mortgage.

at the time, their wills left everything to me and my two older half sisters equally.

my first time around, i gave them $150k on the condition they added me to the house title joint tenancy with survivorship, since updating wills was apparently too close to planning for death which they did not want to do

they blew through that money, but couldnt do anything stupid with the house without my involvement.

i paid the mortgage, approved some expenses but not others, and 20 years later we sold the house to pay for memory care for the both of them—$9k a month for each of them. prices will keep going up.

it's hard, especially when there are other siblings who cannot contribute money or time.

if they can downsize into an apartment that would be best. if you can get durable power of attorney and health poa etc set up now, that would also be good.

you can set up a lien against the house, but it's complicated for "just" $20k. unless you wanted to structure it like a line of credit, where they could draw on it in the future.

i'm sorry. it only gets harder, especially if you have kids. your first priority is kids, followed by making sure you don't end up in this situation yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just give them the money. Pay it directly to the company.

+2 FFS

If you can afford it and they were/are good to you and your husband

I would not do this. I would not be willing to write blank checks for my in-laws to live above their means for the rest of their lives at my expense.

What we did was make my in-laws put the house into an irrevocable trust for their benefit while they were alive but with us as the trustees. That way we could have some oversight over how money was spent and ensure that they didn’t immiserize themselves further.

Maybe this is the better way to go about it. There is a broke sibling in the mix (who might be the reason they have no money) so I'm trying to be smart about how we go about helping them. They're in good health so I don't think it makes sense to cash out of the house and start burning through the remaining cash by renting somewhere. But maybe we should do some research.

Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.

Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.

We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.

A continuous care that takes Medicaid. When the money is gone, they will be able to stay there.

It won't be luxury or sometimes even decent care, but it's the one that's "free" for you. You would have to find and visit facilities, persuade them to sell their home, help them move, and then pay for your visits there. The staff will take better care of your elder if they know you like to pop in unexpectedly.

And of course... please don't expect any inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

Are you an only child? If you are, then you would get her estate, whatever is left of it. That doesn't seem to be the case in OP's situation.

I do think a reverse mortgage sounds like a good plan.

FWIW, my parents also live on ss alone, and they own a small condo. I do help them financially, without expecting anything in return, but I have a couple of siblings who can also chip in, though I make the most. They don't expect me to pay for everything for my parents myself.

I'm not an only child but my brother isn't much help. She told us she is leaving the house to both of us so it's in our best interests to keep it up. I work 3 jobs and put some of the money from the third job into an account for my mom. She will need a new a/c unit at some point in the next few years.

Anonymous wrote:I'm basically trying to offer them a reverse mortgage without fees. Instead of a bank, they use us as a line of credit. If there happens to be anything left from the house, we would recoup. I'm not expecting that to be the case and essentially consider the money a gift from us, but just trying to document appropriately for transparency among siblings.

I agree there's a bigger conversation to be had. Perhaps they should not be in a house they can no longer afford to maintain. But I have no idea where they could go that would make more financial sense.

We're committed to helping. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by this turn of events.

It sounds reasonable for you to offer a loan as long as the terms are not worse than a reverse mortgage they can get themselves. But you shouldn’t present it as if you are doing them a favor. Educate them about reverse mortgages and the options they have. It is their house and they are fully entitled to the equity they built. It is not for you to decide what they should do with it. They can afford their living expenses just need help with a repair and should be able to deal with it without your financial help. Your role is to educate.

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

Are you an only child? If you are, then you would get her estate, whatever is left of it. That doesn't seem to be the case in OP's situation.

I do think a reverse mortgage sounds like a good plan.

FWIW, my parents also live on ss alone, and they own a small condo. I do help them financially, without expecting anything in return, but I have a couple of siblings who can also chip in, though I make the most. They don't expect me to pay for everything for my parents myself.

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

If you can't pay her back because you don't have the resources, it doesn't change who you are. If you are able and don't, that's a different story.

My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just give them the money. Pay it directly to the company.

+2 FFS

If you can afford it and they were/are good to you and your husband

I would not do this. I would not be willing to write blank checks for my in-laws to live above their means for the rest of their lives at my expense.

What we did was make my in-laws put the house into an irrevocable trust for their benefit while they were alive but with us as the trustees. That way we could have some oversight over how money was spent and ensure that they didn’t immiserize themselves further.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm basically trying to offer them a reverse mortgage without fees. Instead of a bank, they use us as a line of credit. If there happens to be anything left from the house, we would recoup. I'm not expecting that to be the case and essentially consider the money a gift from us, but just trying to document appropriately for transparency among siblings.

I agree there's a bigger conversation to be had. Perhaps they should not be in a house they can no longer afford to maintain. But I have no idea where they could go that would make more financial sense.

We're committed to helping. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by this turn of events.

Don't do this.

Figure out why they burned through their money so fast. Then figure out next steps.

Most affordable option would be to sell the house and move to a senior apartment complex, with you and your dh handling finances.

Sounds like there is a broke sibling in the mix? Don't give your in laws any money if there is, you could just end up subsidizing the sibling.

About this time we took over the control of my parents' finances; the evidence was that they could no longer manage it. Sad, because they had been in the house for 50 years but it was a time for hard decisions. They cashed out the house, moved into assisted living and we added a couple thousand a year to their living expenses. Dad died 3 years after the move and Mom 4 years after that. It was hard but there was not enough money in any of our families to keep them in the old family house.

Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.

Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.

We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.

This is the answer. I know several friends that have done this and were able to afford their lives.

Anonymous wrote:I'm basically trying to offer them a reverse mortgage without fees. Instead of a bank, they use us as a line of credit. If there happens to be anything left from the house, we would recoup. I'm not expecting that to be the case and essentially consider the money a gift from us, but just trying to document appropriately for transparency among siblings.

I agree there's a bigger conversation to be had. Perhaps they should not be in a house they can no longer afford to maintain. But I have no idea where they could go that would make more financial sense.

We're committed to helping. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by this turn of events.

Don't do this.

Figure out why they burned through their money so fast. Then figure out next steps.

Most affordable option would be to sell the house and move to a senior apartment complex, with you and your dh handling finances.

Sounds like there is a broke sibling in the mix? Don't give your in laws any money if there is, you could just end up subsidizing the sibling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.

Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.

We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.

They canot afford this.

They have paid off their house. Yes, they can afford it.

Asbury Methodist is about $150K for a 1 bedroom, then their SS goes to asbury and they get 2 meals a day.

Are you saying their house is worth < $150K?