Anonymous wrote:OP: I don’t think I will get alimony-as I work even though I make less than half of what he does. Also, how do you deal with your emotions related to the betrayal if you stay without expressing yourself? Maybe I am being too emotional here..

I would suggest talking to lawyers to get more info. Then map out on paper what your life would look like with a divorce, and what it would look like if you stayed for next x years. Then decide rationally which route you prefer.

If you decide to stay, find outlets to express your hurt and disappointment. Talk to close friends, therapist, go axe throwing, journal, find new hobbies, whatever it takes.

OP: Please consult with an experienced divorce attorney who can recommend a private investigator to build a file of evidence/proof.

This is a betrayal of trust & there is no saving the marriage now, but you can save your dignity & your mental health.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don’t think I will get alimony-as I work even though I make less than half of what he does. Also, how do you deal with your emotions related to the betrayal if you stay without expressing yourself? Maybe I am being too emotional here..

Do you have a lesser paying job but added more value to your house - more work, more work the kids, etc. that has value and that is protected, so you will likely get half of his pay minus half of your pay (so if he makes 200k and you make 80k, he will have to give you 100k-40k, so 60k. That way you both end up with the same amount. Also child support will come your way if you get custody.
Start to keep track of things that will help you, meet with a lawyer and start to save/hide money if possible. Get your own cc now so you have build credit!

Is this amount considered child support? Half his pay minus half Mine?

No, this is just a bull shit that someone wrote for you above. You will get assets split, not his future earnings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I make enough for a decent lifestyle but not enough to support kids education along with it. Relying on the group to see if someone was in a similar situation and what did they end up doing?

No one will necessarily be in the exact same financial position with kids the same ages. You should get specific legal advice for your particular income/assets/circumstances.

I pushed to divorce my lying, cheating ex, because I made the bulk of the income and my income trajectory is up from here, whereas his was stagnant. Plus, I was tired of seeing my income go to gifts for his girlfriend while he was checked out of family and home life and I was paying cleaners and lawn guys to maintain the home front. He got 50% custody, which is great both because he is a much better father than he was a husband, and that gives me more time for myself than I had for a decade.

He also got 50% of the assets, and I pay child support. No alimony though.

If I dicked around and waited to divorce I would for sure have had to pay alimony.

What sucks is that he has been a great dad, great help around the house.. makes more than me, and will continue to rise, but was emotionally disconnected and then I discover this..

Don’t file for divorce and don’t provoke him. Get in your best shape of life, change jobs, if you need ti make more. Many affairs dissipate on their own but it may take 5-7 years

I only divorced my exH as I walked away with $5m and he was obligated to pay for college by our postnup.

Don’t put your kids in worse financial position until both graduate college

That would be 8 years of my life and I am almost 50!

Do you think a string of princes on white horses are waiting for you on the other side? Your kids are more important and their well-being and success in life IS your happiness and content life in your older age. Men are not the main source of happiness for a woman and you are unlikely to remarry.
I would recommend avoid traumatizing your kids at this age or limiting them drastically in terms of economic resources. My son was 15 when I divorced exH, he became very depressed and is fighting with addictions now in college. Also his sent him to a cheap college, not the school he was accepted for. Just dropped him off at a tiny dorm room on a dirty mattress, after years at elite private school it was such a shock!
Please, think of your kids happiness as your own happiness. If they don't know anything and your husband is a good dad for them, be happy and content with that.

I am very sorry you are dealing with all of this. 😢
It is NEVER an ideal time and know in your heart that you are most definitely doing everything right.

Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don’t think I will get alimony-as I work even though I make less than half of what he does. Also, how do you deal with your emotions related to the betrayal if you stay without expressing yourself? Maybe I am being too emotional here..

Do you have a lesser paying job but added more value to your house - more work, more work the kids, etc. that has value and that is protected, so you will likely get half of his pay minus half of your pay (so if he makes 200k and you make 80k, he will have to give you 100k-40k, so 60k. That way you both end up with the same amount. Also child support will come your way if you get custody.
Start to keep track of things that will help you, meet with a lawyer and start to save/hide money if possible. Get your own cc now so you have build credit!

Is this amount considered child support? Half his pay minus half Mine?

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don’t think I will get alimony-as I work even though I make less than half of what he does. Also, how do you deal with your emotions related to the betrayal if you stay without expressing yourself? Maybe I am being too emotional here..

Do you have a lesser paying job but added more value to your house - more work, more work the kids, etc. that has value and that is protected, so you will likely get half of his pay minus half of your pay (so if he makes 200k and you make 80k, he will have to give you 100k-40k, so 60k. That way you both end up with the same amount. Also child support will come your way if you get custody.
Start to keep track of things that will help you, meet with a lawyer and start to save/hide money if possible. Get your own cc now so you have build credit!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I make enough for a decent lifestyle but not enough to support kids education along with it. Relying on the group to see if someone was in a similar situation and what did they end up doing?

No one will necessarily be in the exact same financial position with kids the same ages. You should get specific legal advice for your particular income/assets/circumstances.

I pushed to divorce my lying, cheating ex, because I made the bulk of the income and my income trajectory is up from here, whereas his was stagnant. Plus, I was tired of seeing my income go to gifts for his girlfriend while he was checked out of family and home life and I was paying cleaners and lawn guys to maintain the home front. He got 50% custody, which is great both because he is a much better father than he was a husband, and that gives me more time for myself than I had for a decade.

He also got 50% of the assets, and I pay child support. No alimony though.

If I dicked around and waited to divorce I would for sure have had to pay alimony.

What sucks is that he has been a great dad, great help around the house.. makes more than me, and will continue to rise, but was emotionally disconnected and then I discover this..

Don’t file for divorce and don’t provoke him. Get in your best shape of life, change jobs, if you need ti make more. Many affairs dissipate on their own but it may take 5-7 years

I only divorced my exH as I walked away with $5m and he was obligated to pay for college by our postnup.

Don’t put your kids in worse financial position until both graduate college

That would be 8 years of my life and I am almost 50!

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don’t think I will get alimony-as I work even though I make less than half of what he does. Also, how do you deal with your emotions related to the betrayal if you stay without expressing yourself? Maybe I am being too emotional here..

Find your inner peace!

OP: I don’t think I will get alimony-as I work even though I make less than half of what he does. Also, how do you deal with your emotions related to the betrayal if you stay without expressing yourself? Maybe I am being too emotional here..

Op - don’t listen to PP. the longer you are married the higher are your 1. Share in Marital assets 2 chances for higher alimony 3. Time to save enough for kids education

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. The good news is your kids will be out of the house in 4 years, so you don't have to worry as much about 50/50 custody that those of us with younger kids have to worry about.

Advice would really depend on your respective financial situations and how pleasant he is to live with. But honestly, without kids in the picture, why not just get out. Leave this loser.

My younger one is still home no no for another 4 years!

NP. I would divorce now. You think your son wants to live with a cheater for four years? Think he’ll respect you for staying miserable and with a cheater for four years? No.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I make enough for a decent lifestyle but not enough to support kids education along with it. Relying on the group to see if someone was in a similar situation and what did they end up doing?

No one will necessarily be in the exact same financial position with kids the same ages. You should get specific legal advice for your particular income/assets/circumstances.

I pushed to divorce my lying, cheating ex, because I made the bulk of the income and my income trajectory is up from here, whereas his was stagnant. Plus, I was tired of seeing my income go to gifts for his girlfriend while he was checked out of family and home life and I was paying cleaners and lawn guys to maintain the home front. He got 50% custody, which is great both because he is a much better father than he was a husband, and that gives me more time for myself than I had for a decade.

He also got 50% of the assets, and I pay child support. No alimony though.

If I dicked around and waited to divorce I would for sure have had to pay alimony.

What sucks is that he has been a great dad, great help around the house.. makes more than me, and will continue to rise, but was emotionally disconnected and then I discover this..

Don’t file for divorce and don’t provoke him. Get in your best shape of life, change jobs, if you need ti make more. Many affairs dissipate on their own but it may take 5-7 years

I only divorced my exH as I walked away with $5m and he was obligated to pay for college by our postnup.

Don’t put your kids in worse financial position until both graduate college

what if same applied but guy was not making money and wife didn't work?? Stay or go?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I make enough for a decent lifestyle but not enough to support kids education along with it. Relying on the group to see if someone was in a similar situation and what did they end up doing?

No one will necessarily be in the exact same financial position with kids the same ages. You should get specific legal advice for your particular income/assets/circumstances.

I pushed to divorce my lying, cheating ex, because I made the bulk of the income and my income trajectory is up from here, whereas his was stagnant. Plus, I was tired of seeing my income go to gifts for his girlfriend while he was checked out of family and home life and I was paying cleaners and lawn guys to maintain the home front. He got 50% custody, which is great both because he is a much better father than he was a husband, and that gives me more time for myself than I had for a decade.

He also got 50% of the assets, and I pay child support. No alimony though.

If I dicked around and waited to divorce I would for sure have had to pay alimony.

What sucks is that he has been a great dad, great help around the house.. makes more than me, and will continue to rise, but was emotionally disconnected and then I discover this..