Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably had plans and had arranged to meet at the pool. You crashed their get together. So yeah, it was awkward.

Much like kids sometimes grown-ups don’t know how to include others in their play dates. It sounds like they’re kind of socially rigid.

We only have OP’s take here. If you got the other women’s take they might say she butts in a lot of creates drama or gossips - OP refers to her son’s “bestie” and says she was “contributing in a relevant manner.” She could very well be one of these “big personalities” that some perfectly reasonable groups of women don’t prefer to be “besties” with.

She could also be nice and slightly introverted. She could be a jokester or have a lisp. Weird haircut. A really hot body. Anything.

You sound like the pool club mom.

I am relatively introverted and been excluded a good amount. I don’t take it personally. Sometimes it may be mean spirited (like someone who thinks they are a queen bee) and sometimes it’s not. In any case, if there’s a group of women that feels close, why would I feel the need to push in and demand inclusion just because our kids are in the same class?

I've suspected this type of situation is due to laziness or awkwardness. They are too lazy to put in the effort with you. Since they already know each other, it's easier for them to interact amongst themselves. With you, they have to put in more effort to get to know you.

If you saw one of them alone, they'd probably be a lot nicer than when they are in a group. With people like this, I just let them go. The odd thing is you might become friends with one in a year or five years from now. I've had that happen.

OP, your instincts are correct that they are not that open and inclusive with you, but that is because they have an established group and they are not well socialized. My suggestion is to continue to be nice to them and at the same time seek out other friends.

One thing you can do to win them over is to let them know of opportunities that you avail of for your own child. For example - Hey, any of your kids doing the robotics camp at the community college for the week of - xyz? I signed Larlo for it and there are still a few spaces open if you are interested.

It is hard to break into an existing group like this one unless someone sponsors you. You have to prove to be useful for someone in the group to sponsor you to be included in such a group. Continue to be nice and friendly but don't hold your breath either. Also, some people are more accepting of you if they know that you have a thriving friends circle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably had plans and had arranged to meet at the pool. You crashed their get together. So yeah, it was awkward.

Much like kids sometimes grown-ups don’t know how to include others in their play dates. It sounds like they’re kind of socially rigid.

We only have OP’s take here. If you got the other women’s take they might say she butts in a lot of creates drama or gossips - OP refers to her son’s “bestie” and says she was “contributing in a relevant manner.” She could very well be one of these “big personalities” that some perfectly reasonable groups of women don’t prefer to be “besties” with.

Do you have a college degree and did you have a professional job? I saw a very big difference and more of this behavior with the moms who were hair dressers or admins than with women who were more successful. The behavior is that of the insecure not that of successful women.

Oh wow. Girl, no. I’m in the service industry and we include everyone. Unless you’re a dick.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious why the OP would feel entitled to a certain level of conversation with these women. They don't want to be your friend / include you. That's all you need to know. Back off.

Is it natural to have your feelings a bit hurt in the moment? Sure! But life is short. Move on.

Entitled? Wow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably had plans and had arranged to meet at the pool. You crashed their get together. So yeah, it was awkward.

Much like kids sometimes grown-ups don’t know how to include others in their play dates. It sounds like they’re kind of socially rigid.

We only have OP’s take here. If you got the other women’s take they might say she butts in a lot of creates drama or gossips - OP refers to her son’s “bestie” and says she was “contributing in a relevant manner.” She could very well be one of these “big personalities” that some perfectly reasonable groups of women don’t prefer to be “besties” with.

She could also be nice and slightly introverted. She could be a jokester or have a lisp. Weird haircut. A really hot body. Anything.

You sound like the pool club mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a classic clique to me. No reflection on you that they won’t let you in.

+1
They came to socialize only with each other.

Not ideal in a public neighborhood place, but it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully your other neighbors are more inviting

These women talk to OP at parties, get together, at the bus stop, and are perfectly polite to her. There’s no rule that says all people in the neighborhood with the same aged kids have to be a friend group. These are all adults.

She made it clear they make it awkward. She isn't trying to crash their parties.

She crashed their pool date.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably had plans and had arranged to meet at the pool. You crashed their get together. So yeah, it was awkward.

Much like kids sometimes grown-ups don’t know how to include others in their play dates. It sounds like they’re kind of socially rigid.

We only have OP’s take here. If you got the other women’s take they might say she butts in a lot of creates drama or gossips - OP refers to her son’s “bestie” and says she was “contributing in a relevant manner.” She could very well be one of these “big personalities” that some perfectly reasonable groups of women don’t prefer to be “besties” with.

Do you have a college degree and did you have a professional job? I saw a very big difference and more of this behavior with the moms who were hair dressers or admins than with women who were more successful. The behavior is that of the insecure not that of successful women.

How is their behavior insecure? It sounds like they see OP constantly and interact with her cordially. Nobody is obligated to bend over backwards to include OP in everything. Sounds like the kid get along but may not be friends since OP’s DS and “bestie” did not get invited to the pool with the other boys. There’s no obligation for all the moms to be friends.

I'm curious why the OP would feel entitled to a certain level of conversation with these women. They don't want to be your friend / include you. That's all you need to know. Back off.

Is it natural to have your feelings a bit hurt in the moment? Sure! But life is short. Move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a classic clique to me. No reflection on you that they won’t let you in.

+1
They came to socialize only with each other.

Not ideal in a public neighborhood place, but it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully your other neighbors are more inviting

These women talk to OP at parties, get together, at the bus stop, and are perfectly polite to her. There’s no rule that says all people in the neighborhood with the same aged kids have to be a friend group. These are all adults.

She made it clear they make it awkward. She isn't trying to crash their parties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a classic clique to me. No reflection on you that they won’t let you in.

+1
They came to socialize only with each other.

Not ideal in a public neighborhood place, but it has nothing to do with you. Hopefully your other neighbors are more inviting

These women talk to OP at parties, get together, at the bus stop, and are perfectly polite to her. There’s no rule that says all people in the neighborhood with the same aged kids have to be a friend group. These are all adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably had plans and had arranged to meet at the pool. You crashed their get together. So yeah, it was awkward.

Much like kids sometimes grown-ups don’t know how to include others in their play dates. It sounds like they’re kind of socially rigid.

We only have OP’s take here. If you got the other women’s take they might say she butts in a lot of creates drama or gossips - OP refers to her son’s “bestie” and says she was “contributing in a relevant manner.” She could very well be one of these “big personalities” that some perfectly reasonable groups of women don’t prefer to be “besties” with.

Do you have a college degree and did you have a professional job? I saw a very big difference and more of this behavior with the moms who were hair dressers or admins than with women who were more successful. The behavior is that of the insecure not that of successful women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone is going to be your friend. That's just how it works.

OP is not a 7 year old

She knows this

She just wanted some neighborly social interaction and ran into a clique who just wanted to hang by themselves. Now she knows not to bother with them.

and they are rude. There is no reason they can't include her but there are too many women, particularly among the stay at home set, who get off on hurting other people. I moved into a neighborhood with a very mean clique of women who would intentionally invite new moms to their house and then ignore the new mom and their kids would ignore that woman's child. There were two moms who ran things who were just hateful and they expected their children to be treated like the queen bees they thought they were. I was so glad I had boys. They are awful to this day. They were mean to enough people that they and their kids were eventually excluded. It's all so nasty.

You sound overly sensitive. Maybe you just are not as charming as you think you are.

You sound just like the hateful, love to exclude and hurt people kind of woman they were. I didn't have to deal with their nastiness directly because I had boys. You have to be a sicko if time and time again you invite a mom and her daughter to your house and you intentionally ignore the mom and your kids run away from the new kid. Our neighborhood was being built and as new families moved in the experienced the same game. Sick. And yes, they are still nasty b's to this day and anyone in the neighborhood, even their "friends" admit it.

The truth about their clique is that 2 are the queen bees and other women hang with them and go along but only so they aren't exlcuded. They will include moms and treat their kids horribly.

They invited me to join them in social stuff not involving kids and acted all hurt when I rebuffed them every time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They probably had plans and had arranged to meet at the pool. You crashed their get together. So yeah, it was awkward.

Much like kids sometimes grown-ups don’t know how to include others in their play dates. It sounds like they’re kind of socially rigid.

We only have OP’s take here. If you got the other women’s take they might say she butts in a lot of creates drama or gossips - OP refers to her son’s “bestie” and says she was “contributing in a relevant manner.” She could very well be one of these “big personalities” that some perfectly reasonable groups of women don’t prefer to be “besties” with.

I know a couple of groups of people like this. It has nothing to do with you, I would. They probably hang out all the time and have their little group and it is easy and kind of automatic. If anything, it's socially lazy on their part to not include you more, OP. Just don't take it personally and be friendly. Some people aren't that socially adept.