Anonymous
Post 07/15/2025 09:12     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
“Resourceful” is asking you in advance about signing up for the car wash next Thursday to see if it fits the family schedule, trying to find a time when you can drive one way and offering to carpool, looking for a Starbucks or library nearby where she can spend time before/after, using Google Maps to plot out a public transport route, and/or making sure her bike tires are properly inflated.

What you’ve described is just checking out and leaving it to your kid to manage both her transportation and the surrounding relationships with other adults.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2025 09:02     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
You can’t allow your kid to do an activity where they literally don’t have transport there and back unless you beg someone for a ride. If Uber is the answer then just do that. She shouldn’t ask others on the team but if someone offers then you can accept.
Anonymous
Post 07/15/2025 08:38     Subject: Re:Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:These parents are probably annoyed at having to do your job.
Use the uber or do a flex schedule.


+1


This. Don't use other parents as your free Uber. For those who say "it takes a village" and we all help eachother out, a village is not for takers. For that mentality to work you have to be considerate of other people's time and needs and not assume or impose.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 14:58     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:Why can't she take metro?


Bc they live way far out - an exurb.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 14:33     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Why can't she take metro?
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 13:59     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
This seems kind of scroungey to ask people on the spot. And parents might get annoyed when the favors are only going in one direction.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 13:53     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?


JFC, you people are awful. I would give her a ride and absolutely refuse gas money and not think twice about it, amd so would my teens.


Depends on how far out of my way it takes me. If it’s an extra 5 mins, who cares. If it’s an extra 20 mins, I’m not doing it every day.


+1

High schools, in particular, often pull from a large geographic area. It could easily be 30min out of my way (round trip) if a kid lives in the opposite direction. Fine if it is a one-off type of situation but every day? That would be asking a lot. Often I am needing to pick another of my kids up somewhere or have a meeting and can’t swing that.

Other kids it is no problem at all- if it is right on my way home or only takes 5 minutes then I’d be fine to do it regularly, no reciprocation even needed. No big deal.

Fortunately by the time high school rolls around, the kids mostly know which friends live in what area (or in the case of a new friend or teammate, can talk and figure out if someone lives close).
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 13:07     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
I do not want to socialize with any of my kids’
teammates’ parents. I also do not mind giving the occasional ride, but I agree that that is not a reasonable plan for every day. You should do some driving as well.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 10:14     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?


JFC, you people are awful. I would give her a ride and absolutely refuse gas money and not think twice about it, amd so would my teens.


Depends on how far out of my way it takes me. If it’s an extra 5 mins, who cares. If it’s an extra 20 mins, I’m not doing it every day.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2025 10:09     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?


JFC, you people are awful. I would give her a ride and absolutely refuse gas money and not think twice about it, and so would my teens.


Agree. And I think this is what normal people would do, outside of DCUM. I really and truly wouldn’t care if another teammate needed a ride home. I know my daughter’s friend’s parents would absolutely give her a ride home too, if needed.


I would give a ride too and not take gas money. But this is not the issue, the OP is asking if this behavior is resourceful and should be encouraged. Bumming a ride sounds like poor planning to me. I think it’s ok to discuss in advance car pooling options, even seeing if someone can be the ride for the entire season etc.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2025 20:31     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?


JFC, you people are awful. I would give her a ride and absolutely refuse gas money and not think twice about it, and so would my teens.


Agree. And I think this is what normal people would do, outside of DCUM. I really and truly wouldn’t care if another teammate needed a ride home. I know my daughter’s friend’s parents would absolutely give her a ride home too, if needed.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2025 20:28     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Do none of her teammates drive? That’s the easiest way to secure a ride.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2025 17:58     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
I don’t mind driving kids home. I do really mind the one family who has left their 15 year old to fend totally for himself and just assumes we will pick up all the inconvenient carpool shifts. He’s my son’s best friend, his parents have been flakey since kindergarten, and I feel for him so I never begrudge him a ride - but even my kid talks about how much his parents suck. If you’re prepared to pay for uber all the time and she has friends who are happy to drive instead, fine, but if she is constantly bumming rides because you let her sign up for something you are unable to support, know that the “hi/bye” attitude you get from other parents may reflect their annoyance with you.

My son and his other friends are resourceful in that they arrange their own rides most of the time, but it’s naturally pretty reciprocal.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2025 17:42     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
This sounds awful on all counts. Girls, drama, parents, having the stress of finding a ride, every time. And as it stands, it's one-sided. That is tough, being the "taker" all the time. You really might need to use some PTO and set up an actual shared carpool.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2025 17:29     Subject: Is this behavior considered resourceful and to be encouraged?
Anonymous wrote:DD 15 is a Sophomore and participates in a sport that has summer practices, fundraising activities, etc.

Much of this takes place daily during July/August during my work hours (8a-5:30p) taking place at times like 8:30am, 10:30, 11am, 1pm, etc so DD has asked friends if she can ride to/from with them.

The parents on the team are not as open as you’d imagine which has been common as we entered the high school years; more hands off - there isn’t mingling or talking to other parents and are very much a “hi/bye” type of crowd. No one seems to know each other or want to know each other on the adult side. I’d love to get to know the parents better but it seems that the group overall isn’t that interested in mingling.The coaches schedule around their own work hours as well.

I am not sure if I should encourage this type of asking others for rides or getting a ride there without a solid ride home determined which has happened a few times this week. Albeit she does have the uber app downloaded when we realized all the activities for the sport are during work hours.

Is this what independence is? What it means to be resourceful?


JFC, you people are awful. I would give her a ride and absolutely refuse gas money and not think twice about it, amd so would my teens.