Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a coach need to contact a young player individually between practice anyway? other than for logistical updates. There does not seem to be any bona fide reason for this. These are kids not pro athletes who need that kind of intensity of communication.

They never said individually. They asked for the players phone number. They probably asked for all the kids and would put them on a group chat. Have a parent on the group chat.

He is contacting them individually. He also calls them individually.

There's a MLS next club in Charlotte that was doing this. Things got a little too sketchy in some of those group chats. Someone reported and got some coaches sent back to Spain but their DS was cut for "performance reasons."

The current leadership still thinks they should be able to contact players directly and turns a blind eye when it happens - saying that this is normal in Europe.

Safe sport reports have gone no where because families are scared of blow back if they report.

1. Tell the coach any communication with the child must include the parent.

2. Notify the club of what the coach is requiring.

3. Notify every parent on the team of what the coach is requiring.

4. Speak with your kid to confirm they understand any communication between them and their coach should be information sharable with the parent. Nothing should be private.

Anonymous wrote:Why would a coach need to contact a young player individually between practice anyway? other than for logistical updates. There does not seem to be any bona fide reason for this. These are kids not pro athletes who need that kind of intensity of communication.

They never said individually. They asked for the players phone number. They probably asked for all the kids and would put them on a group chat. Have a parent on the group chat.

Why would a coach need to contact a young player individually between practice anyway? other than for logistical updates. There does not seem to be any bona fide reason for this. These are kids not pro athletes who need that kind of intensity of communication.

About seven years ago a club I was associated with required all coaches, both house and travel, to take preventative abuse training. From the coach’s perspective it was how to not put oneself in a legally compromising position even if your intentions are pure. And for parents and kids, it was how to identify predatory behaviors that may not always be based on good intentions. There are many ways to support kids but there are clear red lines that should not be crossed. I found the training to be incredibly insightful as it described how bad actors work in a sports system to isolate and prey on certain kids and their families. The intent of a bad actor is to find one kid that usually fits a particular profile and then isolate and manipulate the kid and parents through positive feedback, inappropriate communications, and ultimately through offerings that do not match what is normal across the team (offering rides or other accommodations to the family), which leads to the bad actor taking liberties with the child. Common attributes are kids with certain indicators for social awkwardness within groups, and kids of single parents or who come from a lower socio-economic status. Other kids and parents on the same team are not the target of the bad actor but will simply play a reinforcing role that "the system" is normal and safe, until it is too late. But don't take my word for it. I would consider reaching out to the organization that offered training to our club (see link below). I have since gotten out of coaching, so I don't know if there are other resources available today. I can tell the OP of this thread that what was described is potentially very suspicious and a coach that isn't open to listening to your concerns or is punitive in response to raising these concerns is likely a coach to be avoided in the first place. Your instinct to protect your kid or somebody elses is good. Don't be that parent who doesn't speak up and then regrets the future.

https://abusepreventionsystems.com/

Anonymous wrote:So no one calls troll yet? This really can happen in the DMV? Is the coach foreign?

FFS. It’s not a troll.
The coach moved with the team to a new club. One boy stayed at the old
Club and the mom told me she made the mistake of giving the coach her son’s number when he asked and the coach called him often and the player found it very stressful and was relieved it was over.
Of course I won’t give my son’s number to him. His cell is just for his family. I approve every contact. I just am irritated my kid and other teammates are being led to do something that’s a bad idea. My son wanted to know why his teammates get texts from the coach and he doesn’t. It’s not just about his playing time in the fall it’s more than that.
Parents be careful yes this happens in the DMV.
And no I wouldn’t worry if he was 16, 17, that’s not 11!!! Him and his teammates are 11. It’s weird.

Anonymous wrote:wtf??? That’s weird. Our coach sends the info to the players via playmatrix. Parents can be on the account too.

+1
Demosphere, Team Snap, etc...there are a bunch of platforms to choose from.

Have your kid give coach YOUR cell #.
Do you think Coach would know?

So no one calls troll yet? This really can happen in the DMV? Is the coach foreign?

Most U13s have cell phones.

Definitely a violation. You can send an anonymous push email to MSYSA (or the VA Youth Soccer Association if in VA), and they will sanction the coach.

No way would I allow my kid, while at home at any age, do what you are suggesting is standard operating procedure with this coach/club

op,
Name of club
?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a bit of conundrum. My son left his car with his coach to play on a new team the coaches forming. He loves the coach – we all do- and loves the teammates. However, the coach always asks my son to give him his private cell phone number and he asks all the other parents as well saying that he needs it to send them information that will help them play well. I happen to know this is a safe sport violation, and coaches should never be in contact with minor players without an adult included. I’m not going to bring this up in the parent chat because I know I will lose my kid playing time next year. However, I’m uncomfortable with the whole situation. What do I do?? Approach the coach and let him know that this is a safe sport violation and could lose him his license? The coach is not a bad guy but may not know this rule. Let the other parents know this is a bad idea and let them choose for themselves? They worship the coach and there’s a cultish vibe. Do what I have been doing, which is shut up and do nothing and be sure my own kid (still 11) doesn’t communicate with any adult without me included ? The kids in question are 11 to 15, this particular group of kids is 11-12.
The club owner is kind of shady so I’m not bringing it up with him.

If a U13 has a cell phone, you are part of the problem.

Give me a break. Maybe if you only have one kid and can hover, then you don’t need a cell phone in 7th grade. For the rest of us who have multiple kids in club sports, our kids need them to coordinate weather cancellations, early pickups, find them at tournaments, etc.

Nope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a bit of conundrum. My son left his car with his coach to play on a new team the coaches forming. He loves the coach – we all do- and loves the teammates. However, the coach always asks my son to give him his private cell phone number and he asks all the other parents as well saying that he needs it to send them information that will help them play well. I happen to know this is a safe sport violation, and coaches should never be in contact with minor players without an adult included. I’m not going to bring this up in the parent chat because I know I will lose my kid playing time next year. However, I’m uncomfortable with the whole situation. What do I do?? Approach the coach and let him know that this is a safe sport violation and could lose him his license? The coach is not a bad guy but may not know this rule. Let the other parents know this is a bad idea and let them choose for themselves? They worship the coach and there’s a cultish vibe. Do what I have been doing, which is shut up and do nothing and be sure my own kid (still 11) doesn’t communicate with any adult without me included ? The kids in question are 11 to 15, this particular group of kids is 11-12.
The club owner is kind of shady so I’m not bringing it up with him.

If a U13 has a cell phone, you are part of the problem.

Give me a break. Maybe if you only have one kid and can hover, then you don’t need a cell phone in 7th grade. For the rest of us who have multiple kids in club sports, our kids need them to coordinate weather cancellations, early pickups, find them at tournaments, etc.

I would not be comfortable with this for a u13. However, my son’s former coaches (u16-u17) did this and it didn’t occur to me it was problematic or a violation. Quite a few messages were exchanged though PlayMetrics but the coaches occasionally called and texted him. He has never been alone with any of these coaches and I have seen the text threads and heard conversations and nothing seemed off ever. I will now be more alert with his new coaches. At the same time, he regularly exchanges texts and has phone calls with his GK who helps with recruiting and he definitely has done the same with college coaches over the last few months. Where’s the line?