Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son lived with us for over a year after he graduated. He had a fairly well paying job ($70k/yr) and did it to build up his savings/investments. We sat down with him and showed him what he could/should be doing. Didn't charge him rent or food. Just went over basic expectations regarding household, like letting us know if he was going to stay out late, etc.

He has an apartment about 15 mins away from us now, and a better job. Still stops by for dinner or to hang out once or twice a week depending on his schedule and ours.

Again, why all the drama?

Each of our four kids spent a varying amount of time living with us after college before going off and doing their thing. There was no grand discussion of expectations, none of this “charge rent and give it back” or “teach them how to budget and set up a retirement account” bullshit, etc. They just graduated, moved in, and we crossed bridges when we came to them. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I don't think it's drama. Some of us are worried about raising failure to launch kids. We don't actually want them living with us at 30, so we're thoughtful about the terms in which they can move back home as a young adult.

Charging a couple hundred a month for rent isn't going to prevent a failure to launch kid. That's still hundreds, if not thousands, less than what they would pay for rent on their own. So in theory, they still wouldn't have motivation to move out just because they have to pay you $200.

I never suggested $200. I'd charge them market rent for a room in our house, which is probably more like $800, and I'd save it for them to use as a down payment when they are ready to move.

Why must you treat them as a child in this way? That is the kind of thing I would do for a 10-year-old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son lived with us for over a year after he graduated. He had a fairly well paying job ($70k/yr) and did it to build up his savings/investments. We sat down with him and showed him what he could/should be doing. Didn't charge him rent or food. Just went over basic expectations regarding household, like letting us know if he was going to stay out late, etc.

He has an apartment about 15 mins away from us now, and a better job. Still stops by for dinner or to hang out once or twice a week depending on his schedule and ours.

Again, why all the drama?

Each of our four kids spent a varying amount of time living with us after college before going off and doing their thing. There was no grand discussion of expectations, none of this “charge rent and give it back” or “teach them how to budget and set up a retirement account” bullshit, etc. They just graduated, moved in, and we crossed bridges when we came to them. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I don't think it's drama. Some of us are worried about raising failure to launch kids. We don't actually want them living with us at 30, so we're thoughtful about the terms in which they can move back home as a young adult.

Charging a couple hundred a month for rent isn't going to prevent a failure to launch kid. That's still hundreds, if not thousands, less than what they would pay for rent on their own. So in theory, they still wouldn't have motivation to move out just because they have to pay you $200.

I never suggested $200. I'd charge them market rent for a room in our house, which is probably more like $800, and I'd save it for them to use as a down payment when they are ready to move.

Anonymous wrote:If they're in school/fellowship, I would not charge them unless you're really worried about them not saving money or moving on with life.

We have a child who dropped out of college and is struggling with their next steps. We are working with a psychiatrist. We charge him $600 rent + $100 board + $100 wifi a month. It motivates him to work and he doesn't have too much fun money sitting around. We put it in a savings account for him. If he goes back to school, he will get free rent and an allowance again.

Yes- this is the kind of kid I'd charge rent to.

For a kid who is doing everything right and just wants to save money I'd give free rent. Plenty of kids would be blowing all their money on Chanel and other designer goods.

Remember your kid picks your nursing home.

Anonymous wrote:Yes to charging a fair amount and then returning the money. However, I would not tell her anything about returning the money.

I agree with this or you could say “some of it will come back to you in the form of savings vehicles.” Depending on her circumstances, you could have her open up a Roth and put the money in there or you could split it between a high yield savings account (Marcus by Goldman Sachs), a Roth IRA, and/or a CD. I would also encourage her to budget now and frankly, to keep an open mind about what her future could look like. Higher education is being challenged and changed in unexpected ways right now and she might be better served by eschewing a PhD or by looking abroad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different situation as DC had a job that paid enough to live away from home. We figured out how much it would cost DC to live away from home. Then, he had to save that every month in addition to maxing his 401k. He also was responsible for his breakfast and lunches and had to cook one night a week. Everyone did a variety of chores but none were specifically assigned.

He lived at home for 2 1/2 years and saved enough for a down payment plus a bit. He moved into an apartment and has invested his savings as he doesn’t want the burden of ownership yet.

I have your DC set up some sort of savings plan so that she has some money to help with graduate school and so she doesn’t get used to having a decent amount of discretionary spending.

That’s a lot of helicoptering.

Here’s what we did. Kid: “I want to live at home for a while and save some money.” Us: “Sounds good.”

Done.

Nope. That’s not helicoptering (or drama).

A grad with a fellowship has not failed to launch. If the grad is being responsible no need to charge rent to teach them a lesson. Nothing wrong with continuing to support family members.

Anonymous wrote:Slightly different situation as DC had a job that paid enough to live away from home. We figured out how much it would cost DC to live away from home. Then, he had to save that every month in addition to maxing his 401k. He also was responsible for his breakfast and lunches and had to cook one night a week. Everyone did a variety of chores but none were specifically assigned.

He lived at home for 2 1/2 years and saved enough for a down payment plus a bit. He moved into an apartment and has invested his savings as he doesn’t want the burden of ownership yet.

I have your DC set up some sort of savings plan so that she has some money to help with graduate school and so she doesn’t get used to having a decent amount of discretionary spending.

That’s a lot of helicoptering.

Here’s what we did. Kid: “I want to live at home for a while and save some money.” Us: “Sounds good.”

Done.

Slightly different situation as DC had a job that paid enough to live away from home. We figured out how much it would cost DC to live away from home. Then, he had to save that every month in addition to maxing his 401k. He also was responsible for his breakfast and lunches and had to cook one night a week. Everyone did a variety of chores but none were specifically assigned.

He lived at home for 2 1/2 years and saved enough for a down payment plus a bit. He moved into an apartment and has invested his savings as he doesn’t want the burden of ownership yet.

I have your DC set up some sort of savings plan so that she has some money to help with graduate school and so she doesn’t get used to having a decent amount of discretionary spending.

Not to bring race into it, but this is such a white person thing that I’ll never understand. Of course, the kid lives with you at home for free unless they’re doing drugs and sleeping all day. This is how immigrants go from laundromat owners to FAANG engineers in one generation.

Anonymous wrote:We also do not believe in playing games with our children. Our home will always be their home. No rent required.

I personally think that even when your kids start to work, it is great if they can stay home and save at least 1-2 years worth of salary. Reduces their yo-yo launching.

I agree that your kids should be able to move home whenever there’s a problem whether health related or layoffs. Most don’t want to stay home for two years. And some kids living at home wouldn’t save a dime. This is a way to force the savings.

Anonymous wrote:Charging her rent and then giving it back is a whole lot of nothing. Why doesn't she already have an investment account on her own that she manages or Roth IRA if she has worked? Roth has a maximum and she is wasting it away if she doesn't max it out every year. Also, she is not learning anything if she is not picking her stocks on her own.
Are you trying to teacher her that she needs to pay rent when she does move out? A 3-year old knows this.
My 18-year old is already on his own. He will do his own taxes to get earned income credit and savers credit after contributing to Roth IRA.
She needs to be investing the money, not just saving. Everyone in my MA program was working. If she won't get paid a lot for the fellowship, why can't she work night and weekends already now.

Good for your 18 year old (and that’s sarcasm). It’s not a whole lot of money to be fretting over retirement accounts yet. Let her finish her education. It’s tough to save money at that age. She’s on a low income and working towards a career. It’s a good idea for the father to collect a token amount of maybe $100 a month and maybe he can match that. If she moves out she will need to live on a ight budget for a while. Might as well start now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Charging her rent and then giving it back is a whole lot of nothing. Why doesn't she already have an investment account on her own that she manages or Roth IRA if she has worked? Roth has a maximum and she is wasting it away if she doesn't max it out every year. Also, she is not learning anything if she is not picking her stocks on her own.
Are you trying to teacher her that she needs to pay rent when she does move out? A 3-year old knows this.
My 18-year old is already on his own. He will do his own taxes to get earned income credit and savers credit after contributing to Roth IRA.
She needs to be investing the money, not just saving. Everyone in my MA program was working. If she won't get paid a lot for the fellowship, why can't she work night and weekends already now.

technically that is tax fraud if you provide greater than 50 percent support for kid.

Yeah! The IRS has agents lounging around with nothing to do and will track you down!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh just stop. Don’t play any games. The kid lives with you rent free. End of story.

This is how we handle it.

Same. Rent and board so kid can save and invest with goal of moving into their own place.

+ 1
Same. It hardly costs us anything to provide them all the comforts of home if they stay with us.

It is a low-cost help that parents can give to their children but it can make a significant impact on the adult children well-being, finances, mental health and really expand their options.

Another thing to understand is that when college grads start their new jobs, it is a stressful time in their life. Having the domestic side of life taken care of is a big mental stress off their minds and they can settle down in their career with more ease and less stress. Knowing that parents have your back is huge

Finally, if your kids have student debt, make them stay with you (if their job location allows that) and make sure that they pay off their debt before they leave your house. Doesn't matter if it takes 2-3 years. US is not an economy and society where the poor will do well. Give as much of a leg up to them that you can give. If you cannot pass on generational wealth then give them a home for some years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son lived with us for over a year after he graduated. He had a fairly well paying job ($70k/yr) and did it to build up his savings/investments. We sat down with him and showed him what he could/should be doing. Didn't charge him rent or food. Just went over basic expectations regarding household, like letting us know if he was going to stay out late, etc.

He has an apartment about 15 mins away from us now, and a better job. Still stops by for dinner or to hang out once or twice a week depending on his schedule and ours.

Again, why all the drama?

Each of our four kids spent a varying amount of time living with us after college before going off and doing their thing. There was no grand discussion of expectations, none of this “charge rent and give it back” or “teach them how to budget and set up a retirement account” bullshit, etc. They just graduated, moved in, and we crossed bridges when we came to them. Why does everything have to be so complicated?

I don't think it's drama. Some of us are worried about raising failure to launch kids. We don't actually want them living with us at 30, so we're thoughtful about the terms in which they can move back home as a young adult.

Charging a couple hundred a month for rent isn't going to prevent a failure to launch kid. That's still hundreds, if not thousands, less than what they would pay for rent on their own. So in theory, they still wouldn't have motivation to move out just because they have to pay you $200.