You didn’t make definitive plans with her because you wanted to see if anything better would come up. You both made plans that made you happy so why are you frustrated about it? You’re the one who flaked on her.

Demote her to FWB

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was being a little passive aggressive, but you did ditch her. You didn’t have set plans yet, but you had planned to spend the day together. So you deciding to go to the cookout without discussing it with her is changing your plans without her input. If you had approached it as an option that you’d decide on together, I am willing to bet she’d have agreed to go with you.

This. You guys DID have plans. You had agreed to spend the day together. That means you decide TOGETHER what you are doing.

Instead, you decided on the plan for the day and her only option was to take it or leave it. That's not ok.

That said, I don't get why you guys could not work out a compromise. She only lives five minutes from the BBQ, if I understand your post? Why didn't you go to the BBQ for an hour and then go back to her place.

Because he's basketball guy who is a total piece of work who can't communicate in aa normal way. Completely unsurprising he's divorced and is routinely a total ass to his gf, this being the most minor of examples.

You definitely ditched her. She should ditch you for good.

Anonymous wrote:She was being a little passive aggressive, but you did ditch her. You didn’t have set plans yet, but you had planned to spend the day together. So you deciding to go to the cookout without discussing it with her is changing your plans without her input. If you had approached it as an option that you’d decide on together, I am willing to bet she’d have agreed to go with you.

This. You guys DID have plans. You had agreed to spend the day together. That means you decide TOGETHER what you are doing.

Instead, you decided on the plan for the day and her only option was to take it or leave it. That's not ok.

That said, I don't get why you guys could not work out a compromise. She only lives five minutes from the BBQ, if I understand your post? Why didn't you go to the BBQ for an hour and then go back to her place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She plays you like this because you let her. Stop being a weak man and falling for this crap. When she acts like a child, treat her like a child.

Kinda this.
Also, there are fun ways of establishing dominance.

That part I left out but yes, brats need to be treated like brats.

I mean…you phrased it as “I am planning to attend xyz party, you are welcome to join me”. Whether it is a friend or boyfriend, I’d probably see what other options are available and then weigh options/decide. Usually I’d probably rather hang out with my own friends if the plans sound fun.

On the other hand, if it was a “want to hang out on the 4th? Yes? Ok what should we do- go to xyz party, something else?” that would be totally different.

You are reading way too much into this. You don’t have to spend every holiday or weekend together.

Anonymous wrote:This reads to me like you two had plans to spend the 4th together, doing what exactly tbd.

Then you decided to go to your cousins house and “she was invited to come”.

That is absolutely ditching her, going from “we will be together on the 4th, dont know what we will do but it will be together” to “im going to my cousins, you can tag along”.

You should have let her know about your cousins bbq and asked if thats something she would like to do. If not, well, you two could find something else to do together.

What is more important to you? Spending time w your gf, or finding “something to do”?

Why can't OP value both? It's not like this was the only day they could hang out or a long distance relationship or something. It's the 4th, a lot of people like to have plans and celebrate (I do). Cousin's BBQ popped up as a nice option. OP could have asked gf first but it's fine to value plans and socializing. Not everyone has to be an "introvert" about everything.

You could have been a better communicator and framed it as "we're figuring out what to do on the 4th, how about my cousin's BBQ?"

But she sounds annoying too. Why was it taking so long to figure out plans? And why not just come along to the BBQ for a bit? I like people who are more easygoing so yes this would bother me about her.

In the future, make the plans and then execute. She probably would come to your friends house if you did. At this point, I suggest not responding and let her stew.

I’ve been married for 20 years and have 3 kids.

I’m pretty sure I would have been bothered by this back in the day. I would want a boyfriend who puts me first and would rather hang out with me than his friends. Then again, I would probably want to go to the cookout.