If you knew the family member, send her a card on the anniversary sharing your favorite memory along with flowers. These are the only gestures I remember.

I would respect her wishes. She was able to articulate them so that she could spare herself the grief of feeling like she has to make other people feel better about her tragedy. Even though it's not what you would want, or even though it feels like your'e not demonstrating that you're a good friend, it's about what she wants. Don't make it about you.

My sister and I are very opposite in grief. My heart opens up and I want to connect with people and feel their support. She feels adrift and angry and hates when people say thoughtless things like "it's all God's plan." The key to being a good friend is understanding what a person actually wants and needs.

OP, what you heard, I've heard it worded a little differently. "We're keeping our circle small."

I think wishes need to be respected

In this case I would completely respect her wishes + just stay away until she is ready.

It can be stressful for some people to be around others (besides family) when experiencing a tragedy.

She will not hold it against you if you do not show up right now - in fact she likely will be grateful that you respected her wishes.

When the time is right for her then I am sure she will be in better shape to see you.

You sound like a very caring friend & I am sure she knows this OP. ❤️‍🩹

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH still has recovered from his dad's passing and it's been 2 years. They were very close spoke at least once a day. His dad passed away at 90. The first 2 months DH shutdown from everyone. But throughout the told me he appreciate my support and not to take his withdrawal personally. Everyone goes through grief differently.

That's your husband, though. OP is a friend.

And also, losing a 90-year-old father is not a tragedy.