I see this in our family of two teens and two adults, one of whom can sleep in and one cannot.

I get up and relax with a cup of tea or walk to a cafe or something for myself to have alone time and try not to be annoyed that I am incapable of sleeping in.

I try to schedule the activity of the day to start around 10 or so, and the teens are usually amenable to this. I purposefully do not overschedule us bc the teens will be cranky. Often in the afternoons or evenings one will not want to do something and we just leave them. It actually is better for the group dynamic and everyone seems good with it. It is actually easier now than it was bc they are older and can go off on their own if they want. My oldest extended a hike we did in Europe a few weeks ago--we took a train back from the end of the hike and he hiked all the way back. Everyone filled their bucket.

Will we ever see everything there is in an area with this approach? absolutely not, and you have to be ok with this.

Anonymous wrote:When we go on extended family trips my brother always sleeps literally all day. Then he's up til 4, but not out, just eating, drinking, and on his phone in the airbnb (or wherever we're staying). I don't get why he bothers to come when we rarely see him, but to each his own. We just tell him at dinner what we're doing the next day and it's up to him if he wants to join or not.

Either he wants to see you a little, or he doesn't want to be there at all but feels forced. Or he just has a phone addiction and can't control himself, like many people.

You have your own car rental. You know your own mind, how you what to fill your time and you do it. And you communicate.

Nothing is worse than those you resent others and yet won't do anything on their own

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a split immediate family type of vacationers group - those who want to sleep on vacation and wake up for say dinner vs. those who want to explore the location, how do you balance out the trip?

Is it perpetual annoyance across team relax and sleep vs. team we paid to be here let’s sightsee?

Do people who sleep most of the time actually look back fondly of the trips?

Our situation is that younger DD has autism and I have some chronic illnesses. The compromise that works for our family is that DD gets to sleep or hangout at the hotel the first 24 hours if she wants. That helps her avoid distrusting the rest of the trip. Especially if she had to fly to the destination. I usually have a crash day on the 4th or 5th day and use that to sleep or read by the pool. The rest of the time, we are go go go. Always, we are in a better mood at the end than the 3-4 family members who were on the go all six days.

You know how to vacation!! Good on you for making it a nice experience for your DD. I also learned through trial and error to make sure my DS gets downtime and does preferred activities to make sure it is fun for him and he can then be more content with other activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always slept all day on vacations. She was a SAHM who pushed independence on her kids, so it's not like she was doing everything for us.

On vacations my brother and I would get up, dressed, breakfast, and play cards or other games while we waited to leave. My dad would sleep "late" like 8am, and then he'd sit around with us waiting. My mother would get up around 2pm and be like "What's everyone doing?" and we'd be bored and frustrated and angry at her and she wouldn't be ready to leave until at least 4pm and act confused as to why we were all grumpy. So annoying.

And, so annoying that she refused to just tell my dad "Go take the kids to the arcade in the morning" or wherever - heaven forbid we did anything without her. It was a weird version of FOMO. It was controlling.

Sorry, this is on your dad. How is his failure to do anything with his own kids your mom’s fault?

+1. Maybe she emphasized independence for you and your brother because her own spouse was useless and codependent and incapable of planning even half a day of activities with his own kids while his wife relaxed.

Also even as a working mom, I know that so much a parent does for their kids goes unnoticed or appreciated. I too push independence on my kids and doing that is WORK. There are many days when it would be easier to just do thinks for my kids, but I want them to learn to do it on their own, which may pay off in the long run but in the short run requires a lot more patience, planning, and parenting from me. Your mom was probably exhausted.

Nope, he was totally capable. We would even sit around talking with him about what we could do that my mom wouldn’t want to do, so she wouldn’t feel like she missed out on something good. But no, he asked and she wanted to WATCH us go go- karting. Or she MIGHT like that movie if she just saw it.

This is a different subject … but your dad was likely walking on eggshells around a person who was abusive or borderline. I think it can be extremely hard for parents who know that keeping the peace sometimes is better overall. Hopefully he did stand up for you if it ever came to something more important.

Borderlines are very hard to deal with because they don’t play by “normal” rules. So normal people respond by trying to appease them at first then end up in a pattern that is very hard to break from. Especially when the borderline is willing to “go there” and do something like completely ruin the one vacation your kids get for the year.

Anonymous wrote:If you have a split immediate family type of vacationers group - those who want to sleep on vacation and wake up for say dinner vs. those who want to explore the location, how do you balance out the trip?

Is it perpetual annoyance across team relax and sleep vs. team we paid to be here let’s sightsee?

Do people who sleep most of the time actually look back fondly of the trips?

Our situation is that younger DD has autism and I have some chronic illnesses. The compromise that works for our family is that DD gets to sleep or hangout at the hotel the first 24 hours if she wants. That helps her avoid distrusting the rest of the trip. Especially if she had to fly to the destination. I usually have a crash day on the 4th or 5th day and use that to sleep or read by the pool. The rest of the time, we are go go go. Always, we are in a better mood at the end than the 3-4 family members who were on the go all six days.

It’s hard to pick a destination for these two types of travelers but no matter where you end up, you have to be willing to split up.

I also think married adults with children should at least consider solo trips and different combos of some/one kid and one parent. IMO it’s good for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always slept all day on vacations. She was a SAHM who pushed independence on her kids, so it's not like she was doing everything for us.

On vacations my brother and I would get up, dressed, breakfast, and play cards or other games while we waited to leave. My dad would sleep "late" like 8am, and then he'd sit around with us waiting. My mother would get up around 2pm and be like "What's everyone doing?" and we'd be bored and frustrated and angry at her and she wouldn't be ready to leave until at least 4pm and act confused as to why we were all grumpy. So annoying.

And, so annoying that she refused to just tell my dad "Go take the kids to the arcade in the morning" or wherever - heaven forbid we did anything without her. It was a weird version of FOMO. It was controlling.

Sorry, this is on your dad. How is his failure to do anything with his own kids your mom’s fault?

+1. Maybe she emphasized independence for you and your brother because her own spouse was useless and codependent and incapable of planning even half a day of activities with his own kids while his wife relaxed.

Also even as a working mom, I know that so much a parent does for their kids goes unnoticed or appreciated. I too push independence on my kids and doing that is WORK. There are many days when it would be easier to just do thinks for my kids, but I want them to learn to do it on their own, which may pay off in the long run but in the short run requires a lot more patience, planning, and parenting from me. Your mom was probably exhausted.

Nope, he was totally capable. We would even sit around talking with him about what we could do that my mom wouldn’t want to do, so she wouldn’t feel like she missed out on something good. But no, he asked and she wanted to WATCH us go go- karting. Or she MIGHT like that movie if she just saw it.

But not capable of standing up for his kids?

OP, we who relax more hope that you and your type would - go. Go do the things you want. Rent your own car. We don't have to do as much together as you are thinking. What you are thinking, it's too much togetherness

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always slept all day on vacations. She was a SAHM who pushed independence on her kids, so it's not like she was doing everything for us.

On vacations my brother and I would get up, dressed, breakfast, and play cards or other games while we waited to leave. My dad would sleep "late" like 8am, and then he'd sit around with us waiting. My mother would get up around 2pm and be like "What's everyone doing?" and we'd be bored and frustrated and angry at her and she wouldn't be ready to leave until at least 4pm and act confused as to why we were all grumpy. So annoying.

And, so annoying that she refused to just tell my dad "Go take the kids to the arcade in the morning" or wherever - heaven forbid we did anything without her. It was a weird version of FOMO. It was controlling.

Sorry, this is on your dad. How is his failure to do anything with his own kids your mom’s fault?

+1. Maybe she emphasized independence for you and your brother because her own spouse was useless and codependent and incapable of planning even half a day of activities with his own kids while his wife relaxed.

Also even as a working mom, I know that so much a parent does for their kids goes unnoticed or appreciated. I too push independence on my kids and doing that is WORK. There are many days when it would be easier to just do thinks for my kids, but I want them to learn to do it on their own, which may pay off in the long run but in the short run requires a lot more patience, planning, and parenting from me. Your mom was probably exhausted.

Nope, he was totally capable. We would even sit around talking with him about what we could do that my mom wouldn’t want to do, so she wouldn’t feel like she missed out on something good. But no, he asked and she wanted to WATCH us go go- karting. Or she MIGHT like that movie if she just saw it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always slept all day on vacations. She was a SAHM who pushed independence on her kids, so it's not like she was doing everything for us.

On vacations my brother and I would get up, dressed, breakfast, and play cards or other games while we waited to leave. My dad would sleep "late" like 8am, and then he'd sit around with us waiting. My mother would get up around 2pm and be like "What's everyone doing?" and we'd be bored and frustrated and angry at her and she wouldn't be ready to leave until at least 4pm and act confused as to why we were all grumpy. So annoying.

And, so annoying that she refused to just tell my dad "Go take the kids to the arcade in the morning" or wherever - heaven forbid we did anything without her. It was a weird version of FOMO. It was controlling.

Sorry, this is on your dad. How is his failure to do anything with his own kids your mom’s fault?

Because she would have made life miserable for all of us if he did. The guilt trips were astronomical. He’d spend time with us - I remember him teaching me math, the concept of a blind spot while driving complete with diagram, baking with us - we just couldn’t leave the condo/ hotel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always slept all day on vacations. She was a SAHM who pushed independence on her kids, so it's not like she was doing everything for us.

On vacations my brother and I would get up, dressed, breakfast, and play cards or other games while we waited to leave. My dad would sleep "late" like 8am, and then he'd sit around with us waiting. My mother would get up around 2pm and be like "What's everyone doing?" and we'd be bored and frustrated and angry at her and she wouldn't be ready to leave until at least 4pm and act confused as to why we were all grumpy. So annoying.

And, so annoying that she refused to just tell my dad "Go take the kids to the arcade in the morning" or wherever - heaven forbid we did anything without her. It was a weird version of FOMO. It was controlling.

Sorry, this is on your dad. How is his failure to do anything with his own kids your mom’s fault?

+1. Maybe she emphasized independence for you and your brother because her own spouse was useless and codependent and incapable of planning even half a day of activities with his own kids while his wife relaxed.

Also even as a working mom, I know that so much a parent does for their kids goes unnoticed or appreciated. I too push independence on my kids and doing that is WORK. There are many days when it would be easier to just do thinks for my kids, but I want them to learn to do it on their own, which may pay off in the long run but in the short run requires a lot more patience, planning, and parenting from me. Your mom was probably exhausted.

I don’t like to sleep in much (maybe an hour or two later than usual) but I do really enjoy taking my time to have coffee, maybe exercise, wake up slowly. I also use a coffee run as an excuse to get a little solo time. But by mid-morning I definitely am up and at ‘em. (except Disney where I’m up at 6am to rope drop lol).

When I was with my ex he was really awful about just lying in bed on vacation until 2-3 and refusing to get up. I haaaaated it.

One of my absolute favorite vacations ever is when we rented a huge beachfront home near Lanikai in Hawaii, and I just lazed in bed all day looking at and listening to the ocean. No where to go, nothing to do but just that all day. The most relaxing time I’ve ever had.

We just leave the sleepers behind and catch up later. Find my phone has made it so easy for them to join us when they are ready to get moving.