I don't believe people are taking OP out to dinner as much as she says.

Anonymous wrote:My sil is younger than us so we pay every time she is in town. She will order an appetizer, the most expensive item on the menu, a side, dessert, and a drink when the rest of us order an entree only. Please don't be that person.

Is she obese?

$25 vs. $35 for an entree a guest orders wouldn’t faze me. You don’t want to be ordering caviar when your hosts are getting plain toast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking you took your mom's advice a little too literally, OP. $5 doesn't matter. At all. She meant don't order lobster if your hosts are getting grilled cheese.

I once took my secretary out for a thank you meal to a restaurant near our office. We were all government workers, so I wasn't making bank. I ordered a sandwich from the lunch menu at a sit down restaurant, and she ordered the lobster roll that cost 3 times what my sandwich cost and was a real outlier on the menu. I was appalled. That's what your parents are saying to not do. I would not have noticed if her meal cost $5 more than mine.

No, I can remember getting in trouble because I came home from McDonald’s and reported that I got a chicken nugget happy meal when the kid whose family took me got a hamburger happy meal because the chicken nuggets cost more. I just looked it up and today there is an 11 cent price difference, I imagine it was less in the 80’s or 90’s.

So, I am pretty sure she didn’t just mean “no lobster”.

It's called rigid thinking. However, chicken mcnuggets weren't always cheap.

Chicken McNuggets were introduced later, in 1983, and their initial pricing was around $0.99 for a 6-piece serving.

The hamburger was $0.70 in 1982.

Remember, according to people in 1982, $0.25 was a down payment on a new home or something like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.

I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not talking about something like that, or ordering something with a really stand out price on the menu. I was out with someone this weekend. They took me out to thank me for something, and in my experience when the invitation is phrased that way, I knew I won't end up paying. There was something on the menu that cost $35 that sounded really good, but the wife ordered before me, and she got something that cost about $30, so I picked something that cost $27. Then her husband picked something that cost $37 and I thought maybe I was being ridiculous.

I never pay at restaurants with the people I am thinking of. I've invited them over, and cooked for them. I've also watched their kids for free pretty regularly. But if we go out they always say "Oh, this is a thank you for taking the kids to X last week . . . " or something like that.

Similarly, my teenager goes out with a family pretty regularly. I would say that the kid eats at my house maybe 4 times a month, and my kid goes to a restaurant with them maybe once or twice a month, and they never let him pay. Their kid likes to pick things like chicken tenders that tend to be cheap, and my kid wonders, is it still OK for him to order a real entree?

When the prices are that close, you are fine to order what you want. Etiquette is breached when the average entree costs $30 and you order the $55 lobster.

But that violates the absolute rule you must order something of lesser value. Hopefully, they don't order a small side salad and a glass of water with lemon like most DC women.

My sil is younger than us so we pay every time she is in town. She will order an appetizer, the most expensive item on the menu, a side, dessert, and a drink when the rest of us order an entree only. Please don't be that person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking you took your mom's advice a little too literally, OP. $5 doesn't matter. At all. She meant don't order lobster if your hosts are getting grilled cheese.

I once took my secretary out for a thank you meal to a restaurant near our office. We were all government workers, so I wasn't making bank. I ordered a sandwich from the lunch menu at a sit down restaurant, and she ordered the lobster roll that cost 3 times what my sandwich cost and was a real outlier on the menu. I was appalled. That's what your parents are saying to not do. I would not have noticed if her meal cost $5 more than mine.

No, I can remember getting in trouble because I came home from McDonald’s and reported that I got a chicken nugget happy meal when the kid whose family took me got a hamburger happy meal because the chicken nuggets cost more. I just looked it up and today there is an 11 cent price difference, I imagine it was less in the 80’s or 90’s.

So, I am pretty sure she didn’t just mean “no lobster”.

Well, that's her own weird hangup but not common etiquette. "Don't order the lobster" is how it is commonly interpreted. In your original example, if you want the 35 dollar entree and the first person to order picks something that's 30, that's fine. It’s a rounding error on the overall tab. They'd probably be horrified to know you picked something you wanted less to save them 5 bucks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this situation, I’ll order just an app and one glass of wine or a salad and one wine or water. No more. It’s rude to sponge off of someone else.

Why would it be sponging?

+1. When I invite someone out for a meal, I want them to feel comfortable ordering an appetizer, entree, beverage and dessert. One of my favorite things is watching young people enjoy their meals.

+1 my college roommate's parents loved taking us out and it was a treat. Obviously we ordered reasonably but definitely full meals.

A friend recently took me out to dinner for my bday. It would have been so weird not to get an entree, it's like I was rejecting her treat.

Anonymous wrote:I'm thinking you took your mom's advice a little too literally, OP. $5 doesn't matter. At all. She meant don't order lobster if your hosts are getting grilled cheese.

I once took my secretary out for a thank you meal to a restaurant near our office. We were all government workers, so I wasn't making bank. I ordered a sandwich from the lunch menu at a sit down restaurant, and she ordered the lobster roll that cost 3 times what my sandwich cost and was a real outlier on the menu. I was appalled. That's what your parents are saying to not do. I would not have noticed if her meal cost $5 more than mine.

No, I can remember getting in trouble because I came home from McDonald’s and reported that I got a chicken nugget happy meal when the kid whose family took me got a hamburger happy meal because the chicken nuggets cost more. I just looked it up and today there is an 11 cent price difference, I imagine it was less in the 80’s or 90’s.

So, I am pretty sure she didn’t just mean “no lobster”.

I'm thinking you took your mom's advice a little too literally, OP. $5 doesn't matter. At all. She meant don't order lobster if your hosts are getting grilled cheese.

I once took my secretary out for a thank you meal to a restaurant near our office. We were all government workers, so I wasn't making bank. I ordered a sandwich from the lunch menu at a sit down restaurant, and she ordered the lobster roll that cost 3 times what my sandwich cost and was a real outlier on the menu. I was appalled. That's what your parents are saying to not do. I would not have noticed if her meal cost $5 more than mine.

This is a prole tell. Stop brainwashing your kids to be weird and poor about money. Order whatever in the hell you want. It's a freaking meal for Christ's sake, nobody who invited you to dinner cares. They're prob swiping a company card anyways.

Note: Wine is obviously a different story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ordering something less than the host is extremely polite. But if I am paying, I am fine with you ordering whatever you want. And if you do order say a $200 bottle of wine, then I will do the same when you offer to host me. And if you do not offer to host, then that is the last time I invite you to dine with me.

I don't drink alcohol, so I'm not talking about something like that, or ordering something with a really stand out price on the menu. I was out with someone this weekend. They took me out to thank me for something, and in my experience when the invitation is phrased that way, I knew I won't end up paying. There was something on the menu that cost $35 that sounded really good, but the wife ordered before me, and she got something that cost about $30, so I picked something that cost $27. Then her husband picked something that cost $37 and I thought maybe I was being ridiculous.

I never pay at restaurants with the people I am thinking of. I've invited them over, and cooked for them. I've also watched their kids for free pretty regularly. But if we go out they always say "Oh, this is a thank you for taking the kids to X last week . . . " or something like that.

Similarly, my teenager goes out with a family pretty regularly. I would say that the kid eats at my house maybe 4 times a month, and my kid goes to a restaurant with them maybe once or twice a month, and they never let him pay. Their kid likes to pick things like chicken tenders that tend to be cheap, and my kid wonders, is it still OK for him to order a real entree?

When the prices are that close, you are fine to order what you want. Etiquette is breached when the average entree costs $30 and you order the $55 lobster.

I grew up with, and abide by this with regard to price: order from the middle of the menu. I also grew up, and abide by this: as the host, you can suggest one of the most expensive things on the menu, thus opening choices up for my dining companion. This is a casual thing -- "I hear the sauce they serve with the lobster is amazing" or "Gosh, I love their porterhouse -- if you like steak, you might consider that." Or whatever.

As far as courses to order, follow the host's lead. If they order a first course, order a first course. If they suggest sharing a starter, or a dessert, share it. It's best not to be sitting there with no app when your dining companion has one, you don't want them to feel awkward about eating when you have no food in front of you. It's a little more permissible to skip dessert, though.

The worst thing you can do is be the only person at the table to order a dessert/coffee/after-dinner drink when everyone else is ready to get the heck out of there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can order something same price.

You should order a meal comparable to what your hosts are.

Agree, I am a vegetarian and always will be the cheapest meal. If I offer to take you out, don't buy an app and the most expensive thing on the menu, but don't expect to also order the cheapest entree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In this situation, I’ll order just an app and one glass of wine or a salad and one wine or water. No more. It’s rude to sponge off of someone else.

Why would it be sponging?

+1. When I invite someone out for a meal, I want them to feel comfortable ordering an appetizer, entree, beverage and dessert. One of my favorite things is watching young people enjoy their meals.

Same. I love when kids relish their food.

We love to go out to eat and I also cook a lot. Hosting kids for meals is one of the main ways we like to get to know our kids’ friends. If a kid is used to eating with us, they know they can order what they want. If not, we will order some dishes to be eaten family style so that they don’t feel so self conscious. I like kids who are adventurous and enjoy new things, but it’s actually more fun to feed picky kids without their parents and see them try unfamiliar foods and even enjoy them.