Anonymous wrote:So your girlfriend’s your secretary?

+1

That is pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are adults not requiring special care there's zero reason you need to communicate with her. You can communicate directly with your children.

Is this the consensus view? I could totally sign up for children-only communications. She’s really trying to f with me at some level, and f with my gf relationship.

Yes, respond to her last message letting her know you are blocking her. Then do it before she replies. Communicate with your kids directly. There is NO reason to continue to keep a line of communication open if your kids are adults and independent. My kids are 18 and 21 and while I get along fine with their other parent, we have very little communication outside of graduations and other family events. There's just no need.

I would block her, but my kids would not sympathize, and also some true emergency might make it important to be reachable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they are adults not requiring special care there's zero reason you need to communicate with her. You can communicate directly with your children.

Is this the consensus view? I could totally sign up for children-only communications. She’s really trying to f with me at some level, and f with my gf relationship.

Yes, respond to her last message letting her know you are blocking her. Then do it before she replies. Communicate with your kids directly. There is NO reason to continue to keep a line of communication open if your kids are adults and independent. My kids are 18 and 21 and while I get along fine with their other parent, we have very little communication outside of graduations and other family events. There's just no need.

Anonymous wrote:Another manbaby who needs women to do everything for him.

+1. Just another way to avoid accountability.
And I’m guessing gf was actually the AP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GF isn't exactly a neutral party.

Yeah, but how is OP going to find a neutral party who wants to take on this task? We're going for the least bad option here.

I’m not a fan of AI, but I bet it could provide a neutral précis.

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of wild that your gf screens email from your ex. I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation at all. Is your girlfriend controlling and/or jealous?

About 9 months ago she realized that we were communicating very frequently, to a degree that was destructive to our relationship. This arrangement is the fix.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand why anyone past 50 with grown children would call their partner a girlfriend. She isn't a girl nor just a friend. She is your partner or significant other.

Good point. We’re engaged to be engaged.

Yeah. AKA: not engaged.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are my ex. I’ve never sent inappropriate messages, though.
We always got along. His gf won’t let him read messages or talk on phone with me or his own children. Or see any of us.
It’s spelled the end of his relationship with his kids, but I guess that’s her aim.

This is all too common, unfortunately.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I didn’t want to completely block my ex because we share grown children, but so many of her missives are boundary-crossing or just nasty and unnecessary and unhelpful. So now for months everything goes to a new email address that I don’t access, and my gf reads them before sharing them with me if there is something important or helpful. I provide responses when needed.

It’s a big relief, and also reassures my gf that I’m not carrying on with my ex behind her back, but I feel a little guilty about this arrangement.

Is there a better way to handle this?[/quote]

Wow. She really has you on a leash there. I'd say there's much more to this dynamic and "relationship" than just this issue. [/quote]

Yep. Messy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell her that you don’t want to continue any relationship with her now that the kids are older and please only contact you if there’s an emergency that concerns your kids. That you won’t be reading or responding to any other messages.

I would totally do that, but the “entertainment value is priceless.”

You sound like you're still caught up with your ex. No wonder your gf is suspicious.

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want to completely block my ex because we share grown children, but so many of her missives are boundary-crossing or just nasty and unnecessary and unhelpful. So now for months everything goes to a new email address that I don’t access, and my gf reads them before sharing them with me if there is something important or helpful. I provide responses when needed.

It’s a big relief, and also reassures my gf that I’m not carrying on with my ex behind her back, but I feel a little guilty about this arrangement.

Is there a better way to handle this?

Wow. She really has you on a leash there. I'd say there's much more to this dynamic and "relationship" than just this issue.

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you just tell her that you don’t want to continue any relationship with her now that the kids are older and please only contact you if there’s an emergency that concerns your kids. That you won’t be reading or responding to any other messages.

I would totally do that, but the “entertainment value is priceless.”

Anonymous wrote:If they are adults not requiring special care there's zero reason you need to communicate with her. You can communicate directly with your children.

Is this the consensus view? I could totally sign up for children-only communications. She’s really trying to f with me at some level, and f with my gf relationship.

If they are adults not requiring special care there's zero reason you need to communicate with her. You can communicate directly with your children.

Anonymous wrote:
I don't understand why anyone past 50 with grown children would call their partner a girlfriend. She isn't a girl nor just a friend. She is your partner or significant other.

Good point. We’re engaged to be engaged.