Anonymous wrote:
Sir/Ma'am Divorce.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else experience a lack of feelings after their spouse’s affair? I have anger, but nothing else. Sex is blah, joy is gone, desire for interaction has left me. She is no longer in my thoughts and it has been years, but passion for life has been replaced with a void. I’m thinking about skydiving to maybe feel again, but I don’t really know anyone in a similar situation.

Try some BDSM stuff to roleplay and get out some of your aggressions and punish her for her indiscretions.

It could be really therapeutic for you both, not to mention really hot because there would be some legit emotions invovled.

It's called a sunk cost of investment. You'll never get it back, no matter how much you want. The only way forward is to put this behind you. You cannot predict or prevent other people's behavior. Most of us have been betrayed by someone in our lives: a spouse, a parent, a dear longtime friend, sometimes a child, a business partner, a colleague. Most by several people and oftentimes you don't even know why. Such is life. Never invest so much of yourself in another person that they become your whole world, majority don't and then the likes of us get hurt. Only time heals all wounds. Once you become older you'll realize that most only care about themselves and can only grasp short-term gratification. It has nothing to do with anyone else. You're still you.

All you can do is soldier on; the game is not over unless you choose to stop playing:

“Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.“

You married the wrong woman and you invested too much for to long before you realized it. Don’t beat yourself up about that, it doesn’t have to define your worth or life. A great life is not defined by your failures, but in the obstacles you overcome. This is a big one to overcome, find a new goalpost and find a new purpose. The old vision is dead, but you aren’t. Joy will return with new purpose and you haven’t found yours yet, be patient.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any man who stays with a wife after she cheats is delusional.

I can only assume you feel the same when the sexes are reversed.

Not PP, but I hold the same conviction and yes, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

But what’s good for the goslings? A cut and run attitude? Or deep growth, therapy, and hard work to see if you can salvage the relationship.

I can relate. I don't even know whether my ex had anything more than an emotional affair. Probably not. But my main problem was that my ex fell out of love with me, not that my ex betrayed me in some way. The emotional scars from that are always with me. Over time I have been able to feel close to people in new relationships. It takes time and getting to know someone new.

whirlwind affair

I get it, it's annoying when someone projects their affair shame onto someone's legitimate questions and concerns in the form of infidelity apologetics, but we have an OP here who may be suffering from genuine depression so let's not take the bait.

Oh grow up. Look in the mirror and think about why your husband moved on. Take some responsibility for your shortcomings.

That especially hogwash for his relationship with the kids. If you don’t embrace joyfully your ex-husband’s former mistress, now girlfriend, then you’re undermining your kids. The kids love you, their father, and their eventual stepmother. Or they SHOULD, unless you poison the relationship because the kids are afraid to hurt your feelings. Then what kind of weaklings will the kids be when they grow up? Wallowing in empathy for everyone else rather than taking care of their own business first.

Let the kids be kids, kids who love their mother AND their father.

OMG your total lack of character permeates every sentence. Any intelligent, emotionally mature adult knows that the husband moving on had everything to do withhis failings and nothing to do with his wife. He's the one that needs to take a hard look at himself and get some therapy to figure out his black hole of a conscience. No betrayed wife is obligated to "embrace joyfully" his husband's mistress. WTH? Do you live your entire life in fantasy land? Many "kids" are old enough to judge their parents' actions all by themselves, and when they figure out that their dad lacks character and they can't trust him, it's not his ex-wife's job to try and fix that narrative.

This sounds so terribly sad. It's really time for you to work on yourself. There was no way to save the marriage? Did you go to couples therapy? You have to remember it wasn't you and you did your best. I'm so sorry but there is a lot of life to be lived.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any man who stays with a wife after she cheats is delusional.

I can only assume you feel the same when the sexes are reversed.

Not PP, but I hold the same conviction and yes, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it is just years of depression. I do see the kids, but it all feels temporary and hollow. If I am being honest, I am closer to dead than possibility and I see very little evidence that better is in my future. Cheaters should have to forfeit everything from the life they destroyed, instead of being able to punish us betrayed partners for life. Cheating isn’t a mistake, marriage is the mistake.

It does sound like depression. You're important; please talk to someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never had a partner I cared so deeply about. I always knew people cheated and I expected it.

so sad. this is what I fear my kids will think about life after their dad abandoned us for a mistress.
I grew up in a healthy home with secure attachments to my family and a true belief and conviction that marriage was a commitment forever. It was nice to have complete trust in people. Very sadly, my husband destroyed safety, trust and security for me and our kids for life. Even our friends are shaken by his betrayal.
Adultery/affair/abandonment is one of the worst things in life you can do to a family

Oh grow up. Look in the mirror and think about why your husband moved on. Take some responsibility for your shortcomings.

That especially hogwash for his relationship with the kids. If you don’t embrace joyfully your ex-husband’s former mistress, now girlfriend, then you’re undermining your kids. The kids love you, their father, and their eventual stepmother. Or they SHOULD, unless you poison the relationship because the kids are afraid to hurt your feelings. Then what kind of weaklings will the kids be when they grow up? Wallowing in empathy for everyone else rather than taking care of their own business first.

Let the kids be kids, kids who love their mother AND their father.

are you the triggered delusional mistress?