Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I really appreciate everyone's thoughts, experiences, recommendations, and insights. Already I've learned some things -- I'd never heard of collects or the Westminster Divines, nor has anyone ever talked to me about praying the rosary.

Re: meditation being about me. That doesn't feel quite true to the intention or effect, though the in-meditation experience does prove to me how difficult it is to *not* have something be about me. When I sit down to meditate, I focus on my breath, in, out, with the intention of quieting all that noisy mental chatter. And for a second or two, sometimes, I can even do it. (In, out). And then a thought bursts through, and I follow it without even realizing it. Then I notice I've forgotten about my breath, so I return to it. (In, out.) And then another thought, and another return, on and on, over and over. But the very act of noticing my thoughts takes them outside of myself (if I'm able to observe my thoughts and reactions, that means they're not "me."). So the net effect is that I'm a bit more detached from my thoughts, which makes them lighter to carry (and also they're a little less likely to control me).

When I finish meditation I feel peaceful. I always assumed that into that peace, *something* would enter. Some meditators do talk about feeling oneness, transcendence, something bigger-than-self. But I never felt that. The peace is the end of the line.

Anyway, I like the idea of praying to something/someone. Maybe the time to do it is right after meditation, when I'm starting in a peaceful place. I feel like at this point my prayers would have to be pretty generic, so I don't get pulled down by overthinking ("Do I actually believe that Jesus was literally raised from the dead, and that he was the literal son of God, and if so, what IS God, how does that work? And also why did he come then, and not before, and what about all those millennia of people who lived and died before him, what happened to their sins and souls? And also where are all the women, do I really believe that holiness is male-plus-one?" I can really get on an overthinking roll, which doesn't help). Maybe collects are my starting point, and I just kind of shift them to be a little less specific— so I can worry less about what I do/don't believe, and just...say what I have to say, and be open to whatever happens comes back.

Anyway, I do appreciate everyone's thoughts. Very much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I really appreciate everyone's thoughts, experiences, recommendations, and insights. Already I've learned some things -- I'd never heard of collects or the Westminster Divines, nor has anyone ever talked to me about praying the rosary.

Re: meditation being about me. That doesn't feel quite true to the intention or effect, though the in-meditation experience does prove to me how difficult it is to *not* have something be about me. When I sit down to meditate, I focus on my breath, in, out, with the intention of quieting all that noisy mental chatter. And for a second or two, sometimes, I can even do it. (In, out). And then a thought bursts through, and I follow it without even realizing it. Then I notice I've forgotten about my breath, so I return to it. (In, out.) And then another thought, and another return, on and on, over and over. But the very act of noticing my thoughts takes them outside of myself (if I'm able to observe my thoughts and reactions, that means they're not "me."). So the net effect is that I'm a bit more detached from my thoughts, which makes them lighter to carry (and also they're a little less likely to control me).

When I finish meditation I feel peaceful. I always assumed that into that peace, *something* would enter. Some meditators do talk about feeling oneness, transcendence, something bigger-than-self. But I never felt that. The peace is the end of the line.

Anyway, I like the idea of praying to something/someone. Maybe the time to do it is right after meditation, when I'm starting in a peaceful place. I feel like at this point my prayers would have to be pretty generic, so I don't get pulled down by overthinking ("Do I actually believe that Jesus was literally raised from the dead, and that he was the literal son of God, and if so, what IS God, how does that work? And also why did he come then, and not before, and what about all those millennia of people who lived and died before him, what happened to their sins and souls? And also where are all the women, do I really believe that holiness is male-plus-one?" I can really get on an overthinking roll, which doesn't help). Maybe collects are my starting point, and I just kind of shift them to be a little less specific— so I can worry less about what I do/don't believe, and just...say what I have to say, and be open to whatever happens comes back.

Anyway, I do appreciate everyone's thoughts. Very much.

All the things you mention overthinking about are the same things many people think on the way to non-belief., or by people who never believed in Christianity in the first place. I suggest that you don't try to force yourself to believe anything, and instead just enjoy the benefits of meditation.