Anonymous wrote:Why not compromise? One month do one date night, then the next do two, then the third month do one, etc.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it's fair. When you say "tornado" do you mean "affair"?
No. That’s or joke name for our baby.
Marriage was a bad idea and having a baby was even worse.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hubby and I have had a pretty strong and great marriage until our little tornado came and our marriage hit a pause. We are getting back into the swing of things and each created a list of wants and wishes. His list was more quality time and sex. Mine was quality time and alone time. I told him I’m more than willing to be more sexually available as long as I get one night a week and a chunk of the weekend as uninterrupted time. I also want date nights twice a month. I think my wants are very reasonable but hubby said twice a month date nights is a little excessive with us both being so busy. I told him the only way he gets a lot of sex is I feel wined and dined and dated. Fair??
Date night twice a month seems very reasonable. Is your DH worried about the expense of a sitter?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old is your child?
Do you already have an established babysitter?
He just turned 13 weeks. We have a weekly sitter while I work that can do date nights for us.
Oh you have a brand newborn baby. Of course that will make your marriage more challenging. I agree date nights are good, but otherwise you both need to majorly reduce your expectations. Give it until the baby is at least a year and then reassess.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.
You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.
Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours
This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.
Sorry if I’m not explaining it well. He doesn’t need to spend money to have sex. We have had a lot of sex before and some after baby that doesn’t involve date nights. I’m really craving that time together where I feel like ourselves. I don’t ever get dressed up now and I think getting dressed up and sexy for him will help with being in the mood. It’s not transactional. He doesn’t have to earn sex. I want this on top of giving him what he needs.
I think you're giving him a lot of confusing singles.
"I want sex". Ok...I want to be wined and dined. I want to dress up and dress sexy and all that twice a month. But no I don't actually need that to have sex. Even though I'm telling you that's what I need. .
I also need a day and a chunk of the weekend by myself without you and baby.
It's all a little confusing.
Anonymous wrote:Hubby and I have had a pretty strong and great marriage until our little tornado came and our marriage hit a pause. We are getting back into the swing of things and each created a list of wants and wishes. His list was more quality time and sex. Mine was quality time and alone time. I told him I’m more than willing to be more sexually available as long as I get one night a week and a chunk of the weekend as uninterrupted time. I also want date nights twice a month. I think my wants are very reasonable but hubby said twice a month date nights is a little excessive with us both being so busy. I told him the only way he gets a lot of sex is I feel wined and dined and dated. Fair??
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.
You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.
Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours
He doesn’t have to earn sex. I will have sex with him without a date nights. I always liked the experience and feel it’s extra special now that I don’t feel that great with my new body. It’s more the experience of getting all dressed up for me.
The me time is just really important.
I do want quality time with him. This doesn’t always include a date night. This includes just watching our shows together, a nice walk after dinner, cuddling in bed before sleep, etc.
You said he has to wine and dine you if he wants sex. That is earning sex. What are you giving him from all of this other than duty sex when he spent enough money on you? Seems it is just about your wants and not at all about him. I doubt he really wants your sex as payment back for the money he spends on you - but that is all you think he should get? He probably wants sex with a wife who is attracted to him and wants to have sex with him. Just like if he said you have to have enough sex with him to earn a dinner out - you aren't going to really enjoy that date night when you know he just did it as payment back to you for having sex with him.
I don’t think I’m explaining it well. The date nights are not just for sex. I want the date nights for the closeness and to feel like us again. I love him and feel incredibly attracted to him. He knows I find him attractive because I constantly tell him and show him. We are super affectionate with each other.
I will enjoy the date nights. Being able to dress up and feel a little like my old self. Enjoying the experience of just going out and being able to talk uninterrupted. Being able to spend time together just us while feeling sexy and like a real human is what I want.
I’ve felt very much unlike myself these past couple of months. My body changed and I just don’t feel sexy. I feel shuttered in. I want to feel like myself again.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.
You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.
Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours
This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.
Agree with both these. But something about this thread and op's responses seems trollish, so I'm not going to give anymore thought to it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.
You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.
Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours
He doesn’t have to earn sex. I will have sex with him without a date nights. I always liked the experience and feel it’s extra special now that I don’t feel that great with my new body. It’s more the experience of getting all dressed up for me.
The me time is just really important.
I do want quality time with him. This doesn’t always include a date night. This includes just watching our shows together, a nice walk after dinner, cuddling in bed before sleep, etc.
You said he has to wine and dine you if he wants sex. That is earning sex. What are you giving him from all of this other than duty sex when he spent enough money on you? Seems it is just about your wants and not at all about him. I doubt he really wants your sex as payment back for the money he spends on you - but that is all you think he should get? He probably wants sex with a wife who is attracted to him and wants to have sex with him. Just like if he said you have to have enough sex with him to earn a dinner out - you aren't going to really enjoy that date night when you know he just did it as payment back to you for having sex with him.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old is your child?
Do you already have an established babysitter?
He just turned 13 weeks. We have a weekly sitter while I work that can do date nights for us.