Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 10:31     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:I am the MOG for a couple who is having a 65-person destination wedding. The destination is a family vacation spot of the brides; their family has been going to for many years. I have never been to the location which is 6.5 hours from my home. I offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner (and some smaller value items), which all 65 of the guests would attend. I was told of one option for a venue, that did not take reservations, so I asked if the couple could consult with their wedding planner for other venues as I was uncomfortable with taking that risk for 65 people that are all travelling for the weekend, my DS told me the planner was not hired to give suggestions for the dinner. I'm kind of hurt at that remark, is that typical these days?


Every planner and every contract is different. Some people are more accommodating while others stick to the what they agreed upon. Don't hold it against your son or DIL. May be call the place you wanted to book and offer extra $$$$ to reserve or ask DIL's family for suggestions. You can always google options. This isn't a time to get yourself labeled as the difficult MIL when that's not who you intend to be.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 10:03     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?


OP here, it made me so sad to see his response.


I would have had a private conversation with my son, on the phone or in person, but not by text or email. He would know how I felt about his behavior before that call was over. Sorry Op.


No way. Op is sad for no reason and is being dramatic. Your son is planning a massive day and needs his mom to take on the one task she agreed to.


DP. If there is a bride and her mom and a wedding planner, the son likely doesn’t have much of a part at all in planning the main event. He has time to work with his mom on this.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 09:50     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?


OP here, it made me so sad to see his response.


I would have had a private conversation with my son, on the phone or in person, but not by text or email. He would know how I felt about his behavior before that call was over. Sorry Op.


No way. Op is sad for no reason and is being dramatic. Your son is planning a massive day and needs his mom to take on the one task she agreed to.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2025 09:46     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Some of these responses seem kind of crazy. Sure OP can google but wouldn't it be better to get input from the people who are going to be involved in the wedding who have actually spent time in the location? (i.e. the bride's family? and possibly the wedding planner?) I don't think OP was asking the wedding planner to handle it just to offer recommendations.

Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 19:32     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why everyone’s being so harsh to the OP. It’s not a big deal to ask the wedding planner for a few names of restaurants. If she’s worth her price tag, she’ll have a short list at the ready.


Because she’s being a baby and if she would just mention the location the DCUM hive mind could solve this issue in an hour.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 19:28     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:As someone who just got married last year, it is a bit odd to me how much folks are chiming in that YOU (MOG) should pick the venue and do the research. I think that your DS told you the venue he wants, something got lost in translation, and he responded unkindly because he perceived that you were rejecting the venue.


Also PP here - call the restaurant and ask about a buy-out. No restaurant would turn down a 65 person event. They probably thought you meant a reservation for 30 people or something.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 19:26     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
As someone who just got married last year, it is a bit odd to me how much folks are chiming in that YOU (MOG) should pick the venue and do the research. I think that your DS told you the venue he wants, something got lost in translation, and he responded unkindly because he perceived that you were rejecting the venue.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 14:29     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:If it's a family vacation spot, I bet there are a lot of easily googable sources for other restaurants. And then pick up the phone and ask about private parties/events. It's fairly obvious you have some contempt here over other things.


Let me see she's being dragged to a destination wedding at the bride's family vacation place with little or no input. She has a right to feel left out and out of sorts. Her son is an ass for not making her more comfortable, that is HIS job.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 14:28     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Absurd response by your DS. I am sure that did not come from him. but your future DIL. Yikes. Ask your hotel concierge for suggestions or book it onsite. no way would I leave to chance feeding 65 people Are all of them in the rehearsal?


OP here, it made me so sad to see his response.


I would have had a private conversation with my son, on the phone or in person, but not by text or email. He would know how I felt about his behavior before that call was over. Sorry Op.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 14:06     Subject: Re:rehearsal dinner planning
Anonymous wrote:When did the parents plan the rehearsal dinner? We married 30 years ago and we made the plans, as did our friends when they married.


my in-laws paid for ours and did most of the planning. This was 25 years ago. They were not local to my hometown so I recommended the restaurant. Honestly, I don't think I did anything else!
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 14:00     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
If it's a family vacation spot, I bet there are a lot of easily googable sources for other restaurants. And then pick up the phone and ask about private parties/events. It's fairly obvious you have some contempt here over other things.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 13:59     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
You sound dramatic and he probably knows that having to get the wedding planner involved in this wont be a one and done type thing. I'm shocked the restaurant won't book out for a private party of 65.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 13:56     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
I would just call up the MOB and ask for recommendations of their favorite restaurants and start making calls to see whether they can accommodate such a large party.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 13:52     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
He isn’t hurting you on purpose, but the wedding planner isn’t going to do that for free. Did you ask about hiring her yourself for your party? I am sure you could engage her yourself but it will cost you.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2025 13:51     Subject: rehearsal dinner planning
Honestly, you sound like a drama queen. "Very hurt by the message"?? You need some thicker skin.

Folks here have made some good suggestions:
Ask Bride's family
Use TripAdvisor
Call hotel and ask
Call local visitors bureau
Google

Don't get all bent out of shape about this -- it's likely your DS is stressed out by the planning / his bride / her family, whatever, and doesn't need Mom to add to drama.