Anonymous wrote:I’m 5’4 , and my 17 year old daughter is 5’11- 6’1 depending on who’s measuring her . She used to love being tall until she started getting brainwashed by insecure teens , and social media .
My daughter watches harmful content of tall woman on social media, and internalizes it . You know how negativity is usually popular on social platforms on TikTok .
All the prom couples usually have huge height differences, and my daughter feels left out . She holds resentment against her height , and feels like it limits her sadly . She tells me a short guy makes her uncomfortable , and highlights her height even more .
My daughter is also into girlish kawaii styles , and feels like her height clashes with her outfits . I told her she can wear anything , and shouldn’t be defined by her height .
How can I make my daughter see the beauty in her height ?

I am 6 1. My daughter was 6 feet by age 13 and is now 6 2 at 17. We impressed upon her early how awesome it is to be tall. That helped counteract brainwashing.
I am not sure what the solution is besides pointing out how models are tall when you see them at this point.

But I would say: she can't really wear the cute fashions, whoever said she could wear whatever she wants (I mean she CAN and power to her, but it's unlikely to look good). I've always said we can look elegant and regal and sophistocated and classic, but not cute. And petite women have a hard time pulling that off.

I’m tall. I didn’t date in middle school, but men have LOVED dating me in adulthood. Especially men who minded that they were just under 6’. They knew our potential babies would be over that ( unfair) benchmark. Society is really, really rough on men’s height.

I’d see what you can to do to take away all social media. I’m sure that’s a huge factor. Also, once she’s done growing, have a few things tailored. There are stores in Etsy that will take your measurements and make a custom dress or whatever. She’ll feel more confident if her clothes look the way everyone else’s do. I recently bought a custom linen Tshirt, and it’s long enough, which is hard to find right now.

Anonymous wrote:I am 53 years old and am 5'11". I love my height, but I admit that I had several things that went in my favor:
- I never had a big growth spurt, so I wasn't taller than all of the boys in middle school and High school. I just grew slowly and steadily through age 19.
- I have a very slender build, and I have maintained that slender build throughout the years. The world likes tall, slender women (and is sometimes very hard on tall, overweight women).

I would suggest a few things for your daughter:
- She needs to know her exact height. Is she 5'11" or 6'1" or in between. It isn't hard... stand up straight against a wall, ruler on head, mark spot, and use a measuring tape. Remeasure in several spots until you come to consensus. I have had so many men over the years come up and say something slightly critical like "wow, you're too tall, you must be over 6'4 because I'm 6'1"." I knew my exact height so I could smile and say "nope, I'm only 5'11"" and feel very confident that I had the upper hand. It seems like such a minor thing, but I guarantee that it will make her feel better to know.
- Does she have any interest in playing sports. If so, that is a huge, huge confidence booster. Plus, it's a great way to meet people who value height, which will be helpful to her mindset.

Good luck to her.

Wow this happens so much from insecure men who have lied about their height their whole lives. I feel seen. Some men will insist too. Insane.

Anonymous wrote:Instead of convincing her about her height, I'd emphasize what a waste of time it is to wish things were different about something we can not change. Like wishing for a different eye color, or smaller feet. You can't stop the thought, but you shouldn't focus on entertaining it. You focus on accepting it and spending your time on more productive things. Does she want to waste her life wishing she was shorter? It will not change.

So. Help her start to focus on becoming who she wants, without changing her height. It is very hard. Teenage years are rough when you don't physically fit in. But life is long and the sooner she makes her peace with her height, the happier her long life will be.

This. I would be more matter of fact about this and avoid indulging much hand wringing about it. She's tall and there's nothing that can be done about it. What's more, being tall is not a disability, so she may not like it, but her tallness doesn't merit much sympathy. So she can spend her time whining about something silly that she can't change, or she can spend her time doing something more productive. And I would put it just about that plainly to her.

In my experience, spending a lot of time talking about these things, trying to convince a kid that they are wrong, just makes them obsess more.

Anonymous wrote:She’s not your baby girl you can start by treating her like an adult.

DP

Kindly STFU. Thanks.

I am 53 years old and am 5'11". I love my height, but I admit that I had several things that went in my favor:
- I never had a big growth spurt, so I wasn't taller than all of the boys in middle school and High school. I just grew slowly and steadily through age 19.
- I have a very slender build, and I have maintained that slender build throughout the years. The world likes tall, slender women (and is sometimes very hard on tall, overweight women).

I would suggest a few things for your daughter:
- She needs to know her exact height. Is she 5'11" or 6'1" or in between. It isn't hard... stand up straight against a wall, ruler on head, mark spot, and use a measuring tape. Remeasure in several spots until you come to consensus. I have had so many men over the years come up and say something slightly critical like "wow, you're too tall, you must be over 6'4 because I'm 6'1"." I knew my exact height so I could smile and say "nope, I'm only 5'11"" and feel very confident that I had the upper hand. It seems like such a minor thing, but I guarantee that it will make her feel better to know.
- Does she have any interest in playing sports. If so, that is a huge, huge confidence booster. Plus, it's a great way to meet people who value height, which will be helpful to her mindset.

Good luck to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following. I have a 5’9” 14 year old who just got her period. My sister in law is a little over six feet. I think it’s very hard for dating but also very fashionable. That’s a positive thing about the present regime: they appreciate tall women.

I feel like it’s the opposite , the 90s- early 2000s loved tall woman . Nowadays men like short petite woman or short curvy woman .

I mean the folks running the country.

Right? Melania and Ivanka are unapologetically tall women.

...unapologetically tall beautiful and well-dressed women.

My tall daughter found a lovely woman to marry, and she didn't even play basketball.

Anonymous wrote:She’s not your baby girl you can start by treating her like an adult.

especially at her size

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following. I’m 5’4” and my 14 year old is 5’7” and hasn’t had her period yet but hopefully soon. She is already starting to get anxious about this topic. She has “big” feet too.

5’7 is not tall , and by 14 most woman don’t grow lol .

She has not had her period yet so she likely has more growing to do.

Anonymous wrote:In high school I (tall female) remember complaining to my (short female) friend that I wish I was shorter/cute like her. Her response: it may look cute to be short now but middle age short women are not cute. Tall is where it’s at! She really cared about my self esteem and this always stuck with me when I felt self-conscious about my height. I know this seems like it pits tall women against short women, but since it was said to me by a friend, I’ve thought back on it from time to time!

I'm tall and my mother said some equivalent of this to me without explicitly bagging on short women. She would say you'll be grateful when you're older.

She was right. Most women 5-4 and under look pretty dumpy by middle age. Yes, there are exceptions.

As a very petite woman who has the opposite height, but same problem, you just have to learn to love yourself. When your height is an outlier, you need to lean into it being part of your personality. Everyone is always going to refer to me as the short woman or the petite woman when describing me to a stranger. People do the same for tall women: "Larla is the tall woman over there in blue."

Your daughter has to lean into being tall and think of all the reasons it's great. Models are tall, she can eat a lot more food than short people (as a short person I am very jealous of how much taller people eat. Gaining 5lbs looks the same as a tall person gaining 20), tall people are considered more graceful and willowy.

In high school I (tall female) remember complaining to my (short female) friend that I wish I was shorter/cute like her. Her response: it may look cute to be short now but middle age short women are not cute. Tall is where it’s at! She really cared about my self esteem and this always stuck with me when I felt self-conscious about my height. I know this seems like it pits tall women against short women, but since it was said to me by a friend, I’ve thought back on it from time to time!

I'm just under 6 feet and get it. I felt similarly as a teen, but did grow into it, so to speak. Part of it was that boys eventually grew too (the difference was greatest in middle school but by college wasn't as dramatic), part of it was learning to appreciate the benefits (sports, weight distribution, etc.), part of it was just gaining self confidence and comfort with being who you are. Hopefully she'll turn the corner soon in terms of viewing it as a positive!

She’s not your baby girl you can start by treating her like an adult.