Op, I feel you! I only have two kids, with similarly close birthdays, and it is very hectic! Party with friends, party with grandparents, special little things at home, etc.

We combine for 1 grandparent/extended family gathering.

I try to steer them to a bowling alley etc type of party, which requires little from me. I’m not always successful but it helps a lot.

My kids also don’t want to be on vacation for their birthdays. And so then it feels like we are shut out from vacations for half of July. I know, first world problems.

I have also gotten lucky a couple years where a bff was traveling and DD decided to wait 2 weeks to have her party so she could attend. After that, I tried to space the parties out, even if they were not that close to the actual day.

Good luck! This time of year is more hectic than Christmas at our house!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the adult. You don’t have to convince them to have one combined party. You tell them that they are having one combined party. The kids do not get to argue. If they are that upset, they can choose to invite their friends or not.

If this will ring true, you tell them that now that they’re older, we need to start saving more for college. Then you calculate the money you saved, divide it by three , and put that much extra in the college accounts. My kids shut up very quickly when I say, “The thing you are asking for costs x and I have y in my bank account right now.”

As an aside, I have a family member who has an ultra high net worth. All of the kids have struggled with debt in adulthood. I am convinced it’s because they never had the “ we can’t afford that” conversation growing up. Saying no is a gift you give to your child. Please tell your kids no, and mean it.

Sounds like a way to create really happy birthday memories, especially the threat of not getting to invite their friends.

Parents with financial constraints do this all the time. It’s called setting boundaries.

“Sweetie, we can only have one party this year. Tell me which friends you’d like to invite.”

Kid is upset…


“I’m sorry you feel this way. This is what dad and I can handle. We’d love for you to invite your friends. Give us a list by Friday and we’ll send the evite out.”

It’s positively stated, of course, but children do not run the household. Parents do.

Anonymous wrote:I like the suggestion of having all 3 in one day but at different times 10-12, 1:30-3:30, and 5-7. Then you can just keep the house decorated, the one bouncy house rental, etc - the morning party can either be bagels, fruit and cake or sandwiches, veggie, tray, cake, and then the 1:30-3:30 can be pizza & cupcakes, and the evening party can be be Chik fil a or chipotle and cake. Relatives can all come over once - yes, exhausting but it's all done in one day! You save money on the rentals, decor. You only really have to do deep cleaning, etc!

+1. This was going to be my advice. Hire a helper for the day if possible, to set up and clean up in between. Take a couple of days off work before and after the weekend.

IME, with now teens, the party phase is really not that long. I'd let them each have a party with but spread them out over three weekends. And, do one family celebration for all of them with grandparents etc.

For my kids, the parties got smaller in later elementary school and by middle school evolved into an outing with a few friends.

I have 2 kids with b-days a couple of days apart and dread that time of year. I just suck it up and have an exhausting month planning, executing, cleaning up and paying the bills.
At some point they won't require all the effort. Can't wait!!

I like the suggestion of having all 3 in one day but at different times 10-12, 1:30-3:30, and 5-7. Then you can just keep the house decorated, the one bouncy house rental, etc - the morning party can either be bagels, fruit and cake or sandwiches, veggie, tray, cake, and then the 1:30-3:30 can be pizza & cupcakes, and the evening party can be be Chik fil a or chipotle and cake. Relatives can all come over once - yes, exhausting but it's all done in one day! You save money on the rentals, decor. You only really have to do deep cleaning, etc!

Anonymous wrote:

OP here- I meant a birthday vacation. Like a couple days at Great Wolf Lodge, overnight trip to NYC (my oldest likes Wicked so I thought that might appeal to her) or a beach vacation. We have our real vacations already (and definitely not during the heat of summer).

Honestly, the fact that you'd want to schedule individual trips like these for each child for ordinary, non-milestone birthdays is an indication that you're just doing too much. Give your kid a card and a gift, take them out to pizza and call it a day. Every year does not need to be an instagram-worthy celebration.

Why do they get literally everything they ask for? They want home parties, they want separate parties, they want big things like bounce houses…do they always get what they want no matter what?

How about having them decide some things but not dictate everything. It’s okay to say no— even on their birthday. I promise.

You want separate parties and at home? Okay but then it’s simple pizza and yard games. Oh a bounce house is super important to you? Okay then we are going to a place outside of our house.

Anonymous wrote:Do one family party jointly for all 3 kids.

Do small parties for the individual kids. They can each invite 3-5 friends and you do something then have pizza and go home.

Or stop having family parties and just have friend parties. Family parties will phase out as they get older anyway.

Do one family party jointly for all 3 kids.

Do small parties for the individual kids. They can each invite 3-5 friends and you do something then have pizza and go home.

I have witnessed parents holding back to back 2 hour parties at the bowling alley for each of their kids. The family was there for hours but all the parties had their own set of friends.

I would do the following (or some combo):

1) Visiting relatives are great, but they need to stay in a hotel unless they are actively helping the whole time they are there. No hosting.

2) SUPER simple parties, which I don’t believe requires limiting the guest list. Either go to a place (bounce house, trampoline park, etc) and let them handle everything or do them at your house and provide pizza store bought cake and an activity or two. No decorations, no goody bags, no food that you make, and don’t make any extra effort to clean the house. However clean it would be on a regular Saturday and spend 1 hr before the party picking up. That’s it.

3) Spreading them out. One kid’s is 3 weeks early, one is roughly on time, one is 3 weeks late. No one cares!

I wouldn’t try and combine parties or limit them more than you usually would on number of friends as those are the only things kids care about.