I don't know any divorced parents who are good parents. It's an inherently selfish choice and it shows in how they treat their children.

Anonymous wrote:It's best to pick a good partner and not get divorced

You nailed it. Every person I know that married for money ended up divorced eventually. I know one person that married for money twice and got divorced twice. She never has to work again and has multiple homes.

Thank you for sharing this, OP. Studies like this get buried. I see this effect all too often in divorced families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not new or surprising, OP. And not all children to divorcees will suffer from their parents' divorce; or suffer more than what they would have suffered in the intact but conflict-ridden marriage.

When did I say otherwise? I said this was interesting and eye-opening. Apparently you disagree, which is fine. But I never said that the costs didn’t outweigh the benefits in every single case. I don’t know why you’re so defensive.

Probably initiated divorce and doesn’t want to feel guilty

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

This is what my ex used to say.

However, there is/was significant mental illness in his family, so his generation is all divorced now. The spouses are not up to sweeping that under the rug and suffering quietly anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

You sound smug. And like you haven’t been humbled by life.

LOL why is staying married and being a quality person considered smug and superiority complex?? Very weird. I would say it's quite a feat and everyone should be proud to manage all the challenges and weather all the storms with their significant other through the years.

Because you’re making the classic human mistake that your positive situation is 100% due to your actions. And it’s not. And makes you think you have full control and therefore bad stuff will not happen to you. It’s called hubris and many Greek tragedies have covered it.

It's best to pick a good partner and not get divorced

I don’t get the harsh responses to OP. It’s a study with findings. That’s it. Feel free to disagree with the findings but OP didn’t invent them.

My parents divorced and none of those negative things happened to me. I am 50 and married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

You sound smug. And like you haven’t been humbled by life.

LOL why is staying married and being a quality person considered smug and superiority complex?? Very weird. I would say it's quite a feat and everyone should be proud to manage all the challenges and weather all the storms with their significant other through the years.

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was interesting and insightful: a study on the economic and social impacts of divorce. For children whose parents divorce when they are young, more likely to experience teen pregnancy, jail and early death, less earning potential:

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/baltimore/news/children-divorce-finance-economy-university-of-maryland/

DUH!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

I know so many people who made the same gloating statements and ended up divorced.

This. How old are you, OP?

Late 50’s, semi-retired and married for 30+ years with wonderful children. Both sets of parents are still alive and happily married. All of the grandparents were happily married until they passed away. Our kids seem to be in healthy relationships.

Actual OP here and I am none of those things. PP, why would you respond as OP? The question was for OP.

I’m OP and I’m mid-40s, DH and I both work, 2 kids. I am a child of divorce and it had a huge impact on me and on my sister (I was 4, she was 7 at the time of divorce). DH’s parents still married. He and his sister had an easier time of absolutely everything. Divorce still impacts our lives for holidays and stuff. We’re closer to DH’s parents because there’s less fuss and expectation vs. my mom/stepfather and my dad/steopmom. They each also have kids so it’s a holiday mess. Lots of things are more complicated. I am by no means unaware of the fact that in some cases, divorce is truly necessary and better for absolutely everyone. But it IS taken way too lightly, and frankly selfish parents just say kids are resilient, now you have two Christmases blah blah blah because they refuse to take responsibility for the fact that they messed their kids up and imploded a family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of defensive divorcées on this thread, huh.

Honestly, the divorced people I know are doing great. They can support their households and their lives are honestly simpler. And they are super close to their kids. Really. But maybe it’s just the company I keep (or my “pedigree.”).

Child support is DCUM welfare. You have to maintain that “lifestyle” they were accustomed to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

I know so many people who made the same gloating statements and ended up divorced.

This. How old are you, OP?

Late 50’s, semi-retired and married for 30+ years with wonderful children. Both sets of parents are still alive and happily married. All of the grandparents were happily married until they passed away. Our kids seem to be in healthy relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of defensive divorcées on this thread, huh.

Honestly, the divorced people I know are doing great. They can support their households and their lives are honestly simpler. And they are super close to their kids. Really. But maybe it’s just the company I keep (or my “pedigree.”).

NP and yeah, that’s kind of how DCUM works. Do you not get that? The demographic is skewed. How ridiculous to look at your circle of high-income friends, shrug and be like “divorce is NBD.”

Anonymous wrote:Lots of defensive divorcées on this thread, huh.

Honestly, the divorced people I know are doing great. They can support their households and their lives are honestly simpler. And they are super close to their kids. Really. But maybe it’s just the company I keep (or my “pedigree.”).