Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree

No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

Sorry but lots of mixed families or singletons do absolutely nothing for Thanksgiving or the NfL or Christmas of July 4th. Many moms are so flat out exhausted they don’t give two F’s about big dinners, the tooth fairy, catering to others, planning more stuff, or doing 2-3 countries or religions worth of “tradition”.

Females are the culture carriers, since men rarely were or are. Now no one is.

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a community, friend group or neighbors, who’s telling you that having these is the ideal? Advertisement, TV shows and Instagram?

Reddit “I’m lonely” posts

Basically once many young Adults leave their structured college or school environment they don’t know how to do anything - get to know new people, find a real job, do active hobbies, plan vacations to look forward, date someone, Ethan

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in Arlington and don't know the names of any neighbors. The ones we knew moved. Nobody presses community on us, lol.

We live in Arlington and know everybody on the blocks around us, kids all went to school together. Neighbors of multiple different generations frequently get together. Lots of block parties and events and rallying around when there is a major illness, or death. People watch others houses, get their newspaper/mail when they are out of town, etc. Neighborhood kids work at the local shops and restaurants. You can’t go a block without stopping and talking to someone you know.

We don't have kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree

No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

This is kind of reductive. There is at least a majority culture that eats turkey on Thanksgiving, watches the Superbowl, celebrates Christmas at least secularly, celebrates July 4, etc. Maybe recent immigrants don’t do those things but those things are American.

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t have a community, friend group or neighbors, who’s telling you that having these is the ideal? Advertisement, TV shows and Instagram?

You’re remembering it from childhood or another city, maybe?

If you don’t have a community, friend group or neighbors, who’s telling you that having these is the ideal? Advertisement, TV shows and Instagram?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US.

Denmark, Portugal, they have communities and they have a culture.

Agree

No shared history, values, respect, language, k-12 education, foods, religion, sports, clothes, and so on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real communities have traditions they maintain and are helpful:

Sport team players
Church or temple or mosque active members
Active alumni groups
Sororities and fraternities
Neighborhoods that are friendly and caring/ look out for another
In person hobby groups
Extended families with traditions and gatherings

This, but not always all of these. It takes real effort and care by every member. Most nowadays are not willing to expend this effort.

social media and app dopamine hits are way easier than going out and socializing in person.

Ahh, UK and America’s great Multiculturalism experiment continues.

My dad grew up in Chicago and all the kids would play baseball from after school until 8om almost every day- the blacks, whites, Italians, poles, Hmong, Germans, Brits, Serbians, etc.

Anonymous wrote:In the US we are pushed with the idea we need community, a friend group, to know our neighbors, etc. And I don't have any of that and feel lonely. But after giving it deep thought I realized I don't WANT that and maybe I only feel lonely because I'm being told what the ideal is. So what if the ideal what more independent? Is there some society or place I could move where I could just have a dog, and see people like once a week when I go buy food and a couple times a year to take the dog to the vet?

we have no culture in the US. Denmark, Portugal , they have communities and they have a culture.

Anonymous wrote:We live in Arlington and don't know the names of any neighbors. The ones we knew moved. Nobody presses community on us, lol.

We live in Arlington and know everybody on the blocks around us, kids all went to school together. Neighbors of multiple different generations frequently get together. Lots of block parties and events and rallying around when there is a major illness, or death. People watch others houses, get their newspaper/mail when they are out of town, etc. Neighborhood kids work at the local shops and restaurants. You can’t go a block without stopping and talking to someone you know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in the Pacific Northwest and the broader culture here does not value community in the way I have experienced in the American Midwest, the east coast, NYC, Texas, London, and much of Asia.

It’s a very interesting phenomenon that has been well-studied locally. Some believe it has to do with the area’s early Nordic immigrants, and others think that tech wealth and libertarian politics have sustained it. It affects socializing here and definitely affects civic engagement and government effectiveness.

This is interesting, I’d love to hear more about it. How does it manifest? What is it like in your neighborhood?

So it manifests in both large ways (city problems) and small (1:1 interactions);

-if I nod my head at a passerby on the sidewalk, they are more likely to cross the street midblock or look away than to return my nod

-I have neighbors I’ve lived 30 feet away from for 15 years, been introduced to, and wave at when walking my dog, and they look right through me

-if someone ditches you in a public place like the drugstore and you’re in other places, people will intervene (NYC), make commiserating eye contact (Midwest) or speak up politely but in a bless-your-heart way (south). No one does anything about it here and everyone just looks down uncomfortably and lets it happen. Extreme culture of non-confrontation.

-if you walk into a school event and there is seating, people will sit quietly alone and not chit chat. I like to mess with people by saying hi and introducing myself.

In the big picture, it means that problems fester for longer than they should because everyone assumes it’s not their business, there is lots of virtue signaling but little actual work or support to fix problems, and there’s a strong feeling that if someone goes wrong, it’s one family or one neighborhood or one school’s problem and that they probably brought it on themselves vs a problem that everyone could band together to solve. It also means we have fewer parks, rec centers, swimming pools, etc than almost any other city of similar size because people don’t like the idea of spending for a greater good. Philanthropy is hard- I serve on a nonprofit Board and there isn’t the social pressure to make donations that creates non-profit success in other parts of the country.

I lived in the Midwest and while the politics of my area were not a great fit for me, the way people acted on a more local level was really energetic, generous and effective.

Anonymous wrote:Real communities have traditions they maintain and are helpful:

Sport team players
Church or temple or mosque active members
Active alumni groups
Sororities and fraternities
Neighborhoods that are friendly and caring/ look out for another
In person hobby groups
Extended families with traditions and gatherings

This, but not always all of these. It takes real effort and care by every member. Most nowadays are not willing to expend this effort.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone wants "community," but for the people around here it amounts to finding someone to do my work for free. The whole "it takes a village" is code for I want someone else to do the difficult parts of child rearing and I will take the tax deduction.

I do feel that the word “community” has been overused (like the word “friend”) and doesn’t mean the same to everyone. I feel many who use it, don’t know what it was supposed to mean originally. I hear it every day, and in essence, it is an empty word now, at least here locally for us.