Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would let him make the mistakes, however frustrating to you. It would seem that the HVAC company should have asked a few questions to determine if it was the thermostat or the heat pump without taking his word for it. If he is willing to spend the time to wait around and deal with it, I'd let him learn by experience.
He didn’t want to take time off next week for the original incorrect appointment, and asked me to take time off. Which is why I called the company to clarify and understand why the appointment had to be when he’s scheduled it for.
It wouldn’t be a big deal if these misses involved just his time and energy, but he inevitably drags me in and that’s why I’m frustrated. He is perfectly happy to waste my time but protective of his.
Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but YTA. You’ve repeatedly circumvented him when you know it’s important to him? That’s WAY worse than being mediocre at a task.
You need to do one of two things:
1) Go to him, ask to discuss how you handle household repairs, apologize for being a jerk about it, and see if you can mutually agree on a new path given that having repairs stretch on longer than absolutely necessary is a real pet peeve of yours. Hear him out too! Maybe you can rejigger your chore balance so you take this on with his blessing, maybe you can find a different way to split it (urgent repairs vs. improvements/upgrades? A time limit after which you take over?) But jeez, make it an open discussion don’t go behind his back!
Or
2) Back. off. Get over yourself and let him do it his way without interference or meddling from you.
Anonymous wrote:Excuses galore
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can’t the 2 of you have a discussion before calling in the pros? Write down a detailed description of the problem and ask if the scheduler for advice.
OP. I literally tried that. He said to stop and butt out when I suggested my thoughts about the problem and said it was micromanaging to work together write down notes before he called and that he didn’t need my notes and he was a grown up and he could “make a goddamn phone call.” He also said the scheduler/office person wasn’t going to understand the problem so it was pointless to explain different possibilities. I said that was their entire job and they would be able to think it through if we gave them the info we had.
Anyway, thermostat is fixed and apparently all repair calls are now my responsibility. Which is fine and will work, but at some point DH will have bungled so many things and dumped them on me in his embarrassed fury that he’ll have zero home responsibilities. Which may be the whole point?!
He sounds classic aspergers and DARVOs to cover up his shortcomings. Yuck.
Anonymous wrote:I have a husband like this. There's nothing you can do. After 20 years, mine lets me handle things as I have shown over the years that I can do it, and he cannot. After he tried to fix the bathroom himself and caused a leak all the way through the ceiling downstairs, he backed off. It's unlikely he'll back off until he screws up so badly that no explanation suffices. Tbh, I wish I didn't have to do this as it's very time-consuming. Unfortunately many people have no idea how things work, both male and female.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can’t the 2 of you have a discussion before calling in the pros? Write down a detailed description of the problem and ask if the scheduler for advice.
OP. I literally tried that. He said to stop and butt out when I suggested my thoughts about the problem and said it was micromanaging to work together write down notes before he called and that he didn’t need my notes and he was a grown up and he could “make a goddamn phone call.” He also said the scheduler/office person wasn’t going to understand the problem so it was pointless to explain different possibilities. I said that was their entire job and they would be able to think it through if we gave them the info we had.
Anyway, thermostat is fixed and apparently all repair calls are now my responsibility. Which is fine and will work, but at some point DH will have bungled so many things and dumped them on me in his embarrassed fury that he’ll have zero home responsibilities. Which may be the whole point?!