Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen variations of this phrasing used in memorial posts. I am burying my parent and considering using this on a memorial card.

What would you feel as a relative receiving a card with such a quote?

To me, it sounds like they committed suicide.

This is PP
E.E. Cummings, and some of the line break are wrong. I’m sorry — it’s late!

Maybe not what you’re looking for — and it’s not technically about death — but I love this EE Cummings verse and, when my father died, I found that it said exactly what I felt:

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than
soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder
that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

EE Cummings

Sounds like a concept that works better as an insult. Something like, “If being an a-hole was healthy, you’d be immortal.”

Anonymous wrote:I do not like it because no amount of love can alter certain outcomes nor cause one to live forever.

The statement makes it appear the family did not love that person enough which is why that person died. It is almost like gaslighting from the grave.

I like, “Budded on earth to bloom in heaven” as an epitaph.

Really? I am a parent who lost a beloved child. People have said this to me and I have always heard it as “you loved him so much. This wasn’t something love could have changed.” That’s the exact opposite of how you seem to have read it and it was comforting.

When you lose a child lots of people second guess your choices. Heck look at any DCUM post where a child dies, the attacks are vicious. This doesn’t feel that way to me.

I take it to mean the deceased was infinitely loved but clearly mileages vary.

I do not like it because no amount of love can alter certain outcomes nor cause one to live forever.

The statement makes it appear the family did not love that person enough which is why that person died. It is almost like gaslighting from the grave.

I like, “Budded on earth to bloom in heaven” as an epitaph.

This is a similar sentiment and I think more fitting. (I found it on a card at Trader Joe's and used it for someone who'd had a loss.)

“If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden” by Claudia Adrienne Grandi.

In Life we loved you dearly, In death we love you still, In our hearts you hold a place
That no one could ever fill.
————
We cannot bring the old days back,
when we were all together;
the family chain is broken now
but memories last forever.
—————
As each day dawns, we think of you;
As each night falls, we pray for you.
And throughout our lives, no matter where;
In our hearts you are always there.

—————
When I die
Give what’s left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you
And when you need me,
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give to them
What you need to give to me.

I want to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds.

Look for me
In the people I’ve known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live in your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting
Hands touch hands
By letting
Bodies touch bodies
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free.

Love doesn’t die,
People do.
So, when all that’s left of me
Is love,
Give me away

————

My very sentimental friend would love it. Since this is your parent, OP, do you love it?

You're addressing this to the deceased?

Cards are for the living.

It’s schmaltzy. Along the lines of “live,laugh, love”

Anonymous wrote:I'd wonder what they would have been saved from. It draws attention to the cause of death.

Exactly.

I think it sounds dumb.

My MIL was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and she keeps asking aloud what she did wrong to deserve this. Of course we're telling her it's not her fault, she's not being punished, etc. But it's turned me massively off any kind of sentiment of "things happen for a reason" and "saving" narratives.