Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 12:28     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
OP, unfortunately a "no" without any explanation would have worked better. So she couldn't pick it apart, your answer. But giving a curt answer is really unfortunate. Sharing small details of our lives is what helps advance friendships. It's a shame not too. But if you feel this woman is not respecting your answer, she is disrespecting you. She has lost ground in establishing an authentic friendship.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 12:21     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
I'm sorry that I can't help. She's using you. Don't feel badly.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 12:19     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, what makes you think the SAHM wants to be someone else's child care rescue more than you do?

I don’t and I didn’t mean to imply that. What I meant was, if it’s because she knows I don’t have to work next week and that’s why she’s fixated on me, why isn’t she trying the other mom who she also knows will be home next week? And don’t say because maybe that mom has plans or a conflict, because same.


Maybe she has already tried it with the SAHM, assuming, as you did, that that mom would be more available than the WOHMs, and the SAHM already said no.

But you did single out that mom.


Op was clearly pointing out that the pushy mom was targeting her because pushy mom knew op was off the next week. The sahm is also…off next week…but pushy mom did not push her. Thats what op was talking about. Pushy mom did not push the working moms because they are…working…not available for emergency childcare. I’m NOT saying the sahm should do it, just that I get why op called out the sahm in this situation.

FWIW I’ve been a sahm as well as a wohm. I did indeed have more time on my hands to help other people out when I was a sahm. If I couldn’t I didn’t, but I sometimes did because I did have that flexibility at the time. Nobody took advantage of me, thankfully. If you’ve been taken advantage of,pp, I get why you are sensitive, but don’t be shocked when people think you have more flexibility than wohm’s because…you do.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 12:17     Subject: Re:Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
We all make choices. See if this mom will give some of her paycheck to you for watching her kid. My guess is she won’t. Her work is important (and pays her) and her kid isn’t (and she thinks you should be tripping over yourself to watch him for free…because that’s what she thinks your time is worth).
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 12:16     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Whew, this reminds me of a mom from my kid’s sport who I posted about maybe two years ago. I occasionally gave the child rides way out of my way, but it was intermittent and I always said I couldn’t be the reliable ride and could only do it as a one-off. The family was really disorganized and every day they seemed surprised that practice for the sport was going to take place at the same time it had for years. The mom demanded a ride home for her kid one night at the last minute and I said that I was sorry but we were meeting friends from out of town at their hotel for a quick catch-up after practice so they could see DD.

The mom lost it and pulled out all sorts of reasons why we needed to skip seeing our friends to drive her DD home, including that my DD should go to bed on a school night and not stay up to visit with people.

The lesson I learned from everyone on dcum is to never ever give details if you can’t do something, because crazy people will pick them apart and still throw a tantrum and throw their issues into your lap.

OP, no one else is replying to the other mom because they have probably already been on the receiving end of her messiness and are drawing boundaries. Childcare for multiple days at the last minute is a huge ask for even a close friend.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 12:08     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
OP - YOU are afraid of appearing cold?
You need serious work on your resilience. You want your child to have resilience, right?
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:59     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Next week is my kindergarteners last week of school, which includes two full days and two half days. There is a group of us who casually chat at pickup. Weeks ago I mentioned that I had gotten the week off from work, and I was happy because we leave for a vacation that Saturday and I could pack Monday and Tuesday and was planning some special fun afternoons after school with DS for the half days. He usually goes with his grandparents on half days, so it would be a treat for both of us.

On Monday one of the moms texted me asking if I could take her son after school until 5:30pm on Tu, Wed, and Th, because her childcare fell through and she would be at a satellite office that week. I explained that I’d be happy to help on Tuesday, but reminded her about my plans with my son on Wed and Thur. I saw her at pickup yesterday and she practically BEGGED me to please include her son, that she was desperate. None of the other parents jumped in to help, not even the SAHM, and she didn’t ask them to help, either. I apologized, reconfirmed that I could help Tuesday, and left. She later texted me and her tone had noticeably changed because she tried to tell me “all” I was doing was activities with my son and he would appreciate having a friend along. I once again told her I couldn’t help.

I know I’ll see her today, and I have no clue what to say to shut this down without appearing cold to the other moms and without making things totally awkward going forward.


I understand both positions. Sometimes other families need help and OP is in a position to help.

OP: Have you asked your son if he would like a friend along ?

Regardless, OP is being generous by helping out for one day instead of three, but helping out another stressed out mom is a very kind act.

The KINDERGARTNER would probably like it if a giraffe came along. It’s not his decision to make!
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:55     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Anonymous wrote:Next week is my kindergarteners last week of school, which includes two full days and two half days. There is a group of us who casually chat at pickup. Weeks ago I mentioned that I had gotten the week off from work, and I was happy because we leave for a vacation that Saturday and I could pack Monday and Tuesday and was planning some special fun afternoons after school with DS for the half days. He usually goes with his grandparents on half days, so it would be a treat for both of us.

On Monday one of the moms texted me asking if I could take her son after school until 5:30pm on Tu, Wed, and Th, because her childcare fell through and she would be at a satellite office that week. I explained that I’d be happy to help on Tuesday, but reminded her about my plans with my son on Wed and Thur. I saw her at pickup yesterday and she practically BEGGED me to please include her son, that she was desperate. None of the other parents jumped in to help, not even the SAHM, and she didn’t ask them to help, either. I apologized, reconfirmed that I could help Tuesday, and left. She later texted me and her tone had noticeably changed because she tried to tell me “all” I was doing was activities with my son and he would appreciate having a friend along. I once again told her I couldn’t help.

I know I’ll see her today, and I have no clue what to say to shut this down without appearing cold to the other moms and without making things totally awkward going forward.


I understand both positions. Sometimes other families need help and OP is in a position to help.

OP: Have you asked your son if he would like a friend along ?

Regardless, OP is being generous by helping out for one day instead of three, but helping out another stressed out mom is a very kind act.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:45     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Anonymous wrote:I would help if the two kids are friends. I once had a girl for fife days (overnight) with us because her single mother working as a midwife in a hospital had to step in at short notice and couldn't find sombody to look after her 7year old daughter. Me and DH have flexible hours, our kids went to a half day sports camp during the whole week so me/DH had to look after this girl instead of working. But this mom was desperate so we helped.


She is helping.....on Tuesday She has plans on other days and the other mom can figure out childcare for those.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:44     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
I would help if the two kids are friends. I once had a girl for fife days (overnight) with us because her single mother working as a midwife in a hospital had to step in at short notice and couldn't find sombody to look after her 7year old daughter. Me and DH have flexible hours, our kids went to a half day sports camp during the whole week so me/DH had to look after this girl instead of working. But this mom was desperate so we helped.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:21     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Anonymous wrote:Is she a single parent?

You don’t have to answer that because honestly, it’s not your concern. You told her how you could help and the rest is on her to sort out. You have no responsibility to this person and if she keeps pressing tell her she is. Say she’s being really pushy with it and you’re starting to be uncomfortable.


Actually scratch my first question. Because a single parent would have had this managed.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:21     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Is she a single parent?

You don’t have to answer that because honestly, it’s not your concern. You told her how you could help and the rest is on her to sort out. You have no responsibility to this person and if she keeps pressing tell her she is. Say she’s being really pushy with it and you’re starting to be uncomfortable.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:21     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Not sure where you are - there are a lot of college kids home looking for work. Encourage her to check the local listserve for a baby sitter.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:21     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
Anonymous wrote:She’s probably panicking because she has the easy day covered but is in the lurch for the half days. This is what PTO is for (her or the child’s father,) or grandparents, or friends, or somehow throwing money at the problem.


Exactly, she is just being pushy because she knows OPs plans.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2025 11:18     Subject: Help! I don’t know what else to say to this parent!
She’s probably panicking because she has the easy day covered but is in the lurch for the half days. This is what PTO is for (her or the child’s father,) or grandparents, or friends, or somehow throwing money at the problem.