Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

I am in my 50s and I am stronger and thinner than guys at work who are 20 years younger. I am sure they'd say they "don't have time" to work out. But my observation is that a lot of guys hit 30, get married, and then let themselves go. Then this habit of being fat and weak continues into their 50s, and if they get divorced they need a while to improve their physiques, if they realize its a problem.

You described me pretty well. I worked all the time and also tried to be an involved dad. I didn't change my diet from my younger years. So I got a very big dad bod. I got more fit after divorce. I look much better in my 50s than my 40s. I dated women 35-65.

Kind of d***ish to expect your DW to be happy about you not caring about what you looked like for her. Then men get pissy because their wives lose interest in them. Go figure.

She lost interest before I gained weight. Also, she was heavy when we married. I didn't mind. But it doesn't matter. Sexual attraction isn't about fairness. She lost interest. Maybe not fair but I'm not mad at her. She didn't decide to lose interest. She just did. After years of rejection and living like roommates instead of lovers, I lost interest in her too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

So no fatties?

70.7% of men in the 45-64 age group are considered overweight or obese.

It's pretty similar for women, and across all age groups too:



Source:
https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/overweight-obesity

You have to get the men who are recently divorced and ready to settle. It’s such a lightning in a bottle scenario.

My friend has a guy like this. His ex-wife ended the marriage for no decent reason and my friend scooped him up. She says he’s fit, smart, and thoughtful. They have a lot of s3x.

But he is a bit of a baby deer and lucky that my pretty and sharp friend scooped him up. She’s a catch and her ex melted down. Shes and her new(ish) man seem happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

I am in my 50s and I am stronger and thinner than guys at work who are 20 years younger. I am sure they'd say they "don't have time" to work out. But my observation is that a lot of guys hit 30, get married, and then let themselves go. Then this habit of being fat and weak continues into their 50s, and if they get divorced they need a while to improve their physiques, if they realize its a problem.

You described me pretty well. I worked all the time and also tried to be an involved dad. I didn't change my diet from my younger years. So I got a very big dad bod. I got more fit after divorce. I look much better in my 50s than my 40s. I dated women 35-65.

Kind of d***ish to expect your DW to be happy about you not caring about what you looked like for her. Then men get pissy because their wives lose interest in them. Go figure.

DP this wasn’t cause and effect you know. She “stopped trying” in a lot of different ways (not just appearance) while he wasn’t paying attention to his appearance.

Parents of high school kids, you see just as many women as men who don’t take care of their appearance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

I am in my 50s and I am stronger and thinner than guys at work who are 20 years younger. I am sure they'd say they "don't have time" to work out. But my observation is that a lot of guys hit 30, get married, and then let themselves go. Then this habit of being fat and weak continues into their 50s, and if they get divorced they need a while to improve their physiques, if they realize its a problem.

You described me pretty well. I worked all the time and also tried to be an involved dad. I didn't change my diet from my younger years. So I got a very big dad bod. I got more fit after divorce. I look much better in my 50s than my 40s. I dated women 35-65.

Kind of d***ish to expect your DW to be happy about you not caring about what you looked like for her. Then men get pissy because their wives lose interest in them. Go figure.

Anonymous wrote:Quality men in their 50s are married to the quality women they met in their 20s and 30sand are raising their quality children.

That is generally true. But sometimes things happen. Cancer is a big one and the loss of a partner. A stupid affair could be another one, from either party, which ends a marriage. Getting married too early and never getting over the incompatibility, but suddenly the kids are gone, and some are willing to make hard choices and move on from a marriage that isn't working for them outside the kids. But invariably, something painful has happened for a quality person to be single in their 50s. Most will focus on other things in their life - kids, work, training for a marathon, and so on - and aren't really there on the apps. Relationships are based more on serendipitous encounters rather than on an app.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

I am in my 50s and I am stronger and thinner than guys at work who are 20 years younger. I am sure they'd say they "don't have time" to work out. But my observation is that a lot of guys hit 30, get married, and then let themselves go. Then this habit of being fat and weak continues into their 50s, and if they get divorced they need a while to improve their physiques, if they realize its a problem.

You described me pretty well. I worked all the time and also tried to be an involved dad. I didn't change my diet from my younger years. So I got a very big dad bod. I got more fit after divorce. I look much better in my 50s than my 40s. I dated women 35-65.

Men are being told they age like fine wine and don’t need to do anything to attract women. They are told by the “Mansphere” now that there will be always younger women after them and that new generations of younger men are “soy boys”, so women love middle aged men flabby dad bods and balding hairlines and saggy faces They think they will age like older movie stars and don’t need to look in the mirror. Reality is that middle aged and older movie star men that women find attractive get skilled plastic surgery and expand effort staying fit.

Also all of this assumes people have resources to chase attractiveness and anti-aging. Most people just live day to day grind trying to make it through the workday, traffic, meal prep and tedious household chores, than all draining parts of parenting in the modern world of screens and social media and college prep. It’s a luxury to live a life of self focus for parents.

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

I am in my 50s and I am stronger and thinner than guys at work who are 20 years younger. I am sure they'd say they "don't have time" to work out. But my observation is that a lot of guys hit 30, get married, and then let themselves go. Then this habit of being fat and weak continues into their 50s, and if they get divorced they need a while to improve their physiques, if they realize its a problem.

Anonymous wrote:Quality men in their 50s are married to the quality women they met in their 20s and 30sand are raising their quality children.

I feel seen.

My ex and I are both in relationships but we talk 2-3 times a year, mostly about our kids but sometimes about other aspects of our lives. I want my ex to be happy and our kids appreciate our ability to communicate. We still celebrate some holidays together too. Kids are adults.

I hit send too soon --

When one spouse straight up dumps the other for their AP, engages in other types of egregious and hurtful behavior while still married, or engages in scorched earth divorce tactics, there is no reason for the victim in those situations to "get along" with the aggressor.

"I prefer people who get along with their ex. "No contact" with ex is often a red flag not a green one."

I have a child with my XH who is now 21. He's been away at school for 3 years now. We have no reason to be in touch 10+ years after our divorce, except to discuss things like whether his college tuition payment was received on time and who is buying his airplane tickets for Christmas vacation. I imagine that we'll want to help DC with a down payment for a house or paying for his wedding one day, but other than that, why would we be in contact?

My XH was divorced years before he and I married. They never had children together. It would have been very problematic to me if he had remained in touch with her. Every now and then, one of his siblings would mention having seen her back in the city where they lived before he moved to DC. But he had no reason to reach out and check in with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these men? Most men on OLD are not that attractive, usually don't take care of themselves, apparently never heard of botox, working out and coloring their hair - and we can tell! Don't they have some well intentioned people in their lives they can trust and who advise them to take care of themselves? What's with all the wrinkles and bellies?

So no fatties?

70.7% of men in the 45-64 age group are considered overweight or obese.

Please remember this ladies when a man says he wants a fit woman.

Anonymous wrote:Quality men in their 50s are married to the quality women they met in their 20s and 30sand are raising their quality children.

Bingo!