Teacher here-- i used to allow birthday parties in my class but then saw a cockroach crawl out of the bag that a kid brought from home. Now my classroom has a roach problem. So I never let kids bring treats anymore. It wasted a lot of learning time anyway when everyone wanted to celebrate their birthday at school.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no treats in school is fine and it's good to speak up.

But you might reconsider earmarking a food allergy as private info. In my experience, the more people who know about it in a school and community, the better. Because you never know who will be the clueless parent bring just a little something to field day or a trip they're chaperoning or the next birthday party outside the school. I want as many people as possible to be aware and have their eyes open for potential problems.

As an allergy parent I want control over who information is shared with and how it’s shared. I agree that it’s a good idea to share with many people,. But this is a situation where a teacher (who presumably knows which kids have allergies) has set up a kid to be thrown under the bus by a parent who has zero boundaries. There is no way that this parent isn’t going to spread the word that OP and her kid “ruined everyone’s day”. So, no, in this context I would not share.

If its a food allergy, what's the big deal to share. I have no issues saying my child is allergic to xx and xx.

Either you send in your own cupcake, your kid goes without, or you tell the parents so they can get the needed cupcake for your child. Reality is they are exposed in the lunch room. If it is nut free, Giant has them prepacked and easy to get for the entire class. I do it regardless.

I have an allergy kid and this is maddening to me. I actually joined a strict “no nuts” school but still when we go to school events/performances and a teacher reminds the parents of the no nuts rule, we still have parents asking “but is there REALLY a kid in THIS room with those allergies?” It’s so damn annoying. I’m really grateful that our teacher firmly says “YES we do” without looking at or naming my child but it’s so annoying. And yes, the parents who keep asking this are the overweight and unhealthy ones who are obsessed with snacking. There’s really no need for any of it and it’s very frustrating - I wouldn’t want my kid snacking constantly at school or school events even without the allergies!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m personally opposed to the no treats at all rules but this is wild. The parents shouldn’t be able to circumvent the rules like this and it shouldn’t fall to you to figure out how to respond.

Why? I don't have kids with allergies but if I was told they couldn't bring treats in it would be fine. Why would I think bringing in treats for my kid could possibly be more important than any number of valid reasons to ban this practice?

I don’t like this solution, but of course I’m fine too. I stated my personal opinion here to make the point that, even with my own feelings about this, I am totally on OP’s side here and it’s wild that the rule is being circumvented.

You don't make any sense. Why are you opposed to the no treats at all rule? You (maybe?) understand the rationale behind the rule. So why are you opposed to it?

lol okay. Are you just trying to pick a fight? I am firmly on OP’s side. Rules are rules and they exist for a reason. My kid’s school has a no treats rule and I would never try to circumvent it. Do I think there are ways to have treats safely and would I prefer this *if that were actually outlined in school policy*? Yes. But that is beside the point here, because some parents think they are above the rules and that is an actual problem. If you like the no treats policies, great. Fortunately I am a respectful adult so I am really good at respecting policies that aren’t my personal preference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no treats in school is fine and it's good to speak up.

But you might reconsider earmarking a food allergy as private info. In my experience, the more people who know about it in a school and community, the better. Because you never know who will be the clueless parent bring just a little something to field day or a trip they're chaperoning or the next birthday party outside the school. I want as many people as possible to be aware and have their eyes open for potential problems.

As an allergy parent I want control over who information is shared with and how it’s shared. I agree that it’s a good idea to share with many people,. But this is a situation where a teacher (who presumably knows which kids have allergies) has set up a kid to be thrown under the bus by a parent who has zero boundaries. There is no way that this parent isn’t going to spread the word that OP and her kid “ruined everyone’s day”. So, no, in this context I would not share.

Will the parent DID ruin everyone’s day because she can’t figure out how to send a treat in for her child.

Presumably you mean the parent who started this nonsense, not the allergy parent.

The school has a policy that works. That doesn't mean that other policies at other schools don't work as well, but if a parent wants to change a policy that works and keeps kids safe, then they need to advocate with the decision maker, who may be the principal or someone in central office, for a carefully considered change to the rules with new policies and procedures that continue to keep kids safe. Making an end run around decision makers and pressuring people for private medical information is not the way to make that happen.

Also, and I say this as someone who loves to bake and share what I make, if your kid's day is ruined because the school doesn't serve treats, you've created a really unhealthy dynamic around food. Put a cupcake in their lunchbox, and then get some therapy to help you know how to do better by them.

Anonymous wrote:My child has no allergies, but I'm a strong advocate of the no treat policy. Before our school had one, parents were one-upping each other on birthday treats. One parent ordered pizza and had it delivered, another made up a bunch of treat bags for every student, etc.

It gets so ridiculous and then every child expects similar treatment.

That happened in our school WITH the no (food) treat rule. A parent sent in cute pencils, then the next one sends in a whole bag of fidgets, then the next one sends stuffed animals, next thing you know, each kid is getting $50 swag bag so little Johnny's birthday. So annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think no treats in school is fine and it's good to speak up.

But you might reconsider earmarking a food allergy as private info. In my experience, the more people who know about it in a school and community, the better. Because you never know who will be the clueless parent bring just a little something to field day or a trip they're chaperoning or the next birthday party outside the school. I want as many people as possible to be aware and have their eyes open for potential problems.

As an allergy parent I want control over who information is shared with and how it’s shared. I agree that it’s a good idea to share with many people,. But this is a situation where a teacher (who presumably knows which kids have allergies) has set up a kid to be thrown under the bus by a parent who has zero boundaries. There is no way that this parent isn’t going to spread the word that OP and her kid “ruined everyone’s day”. So, no, in this context I would not share.

Will the parent DID ruin everyone’s day because she can’t figure out how to send a treat in for her child.

Anonymous wrote:I think no treats in school is fine and it's good to speak up.

But you might reconsider earmarking a food allergy as private info. In my experience, the more people who know about it in a school and community, the better. Because you never know who will be the clueless parent bring just a little something to field day or a trip they're chaperoning or the next birthday party outside the school. I want as many people as possible to be aware and have their eyes open for potential problems.

As an allergy parent I want control over who information is shared with and how it’s shared. I agree that it’s a good idea to share with many people,. But this is a situation where a teacher (who presumably knows which kids have allergies) has set up a kid to be thrown under the bus by a parent who has zero boundaries. There is no way that this parent isn’t going to spread the word that OP and her kid “ruined everyone’s day”. So, no, in this context I would not share.

I think no treats in school is fine and it's good to speak up.

But you might reconsider earmarking a food allergy as private info. In my experience, the more people who know about it in a school and community, the better. Because you never know who will be the clueless parent bring just a little something to field day or a trip they're chaperoning or the next birthday party outside the school. I want as many people as possible to be aware and have their eyes open for potential problems.

We are in private and each kid brings in treats for their birthday. I took my daughter to a store to buy allergy safe treats that are kept in a bag at school by teacher. It’s not a cupcake, but this way she has something special when they’re eating something special and it works out well. We are all celiac and there is no way in hell I would trust that to the other parents in class. It’s annoying they’re doing treats at all if you have a no treat policy but this works for us if you want to try it out.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you, all for your feedback! I got up the nerve to tell the family advocate what's going on and I'm waiting for her response. In terms of the teacher, the teacher apparently has okay'd this even though it's a violation of school policy. I try to never be the one bothering the teachers and family advocate because they have so much to deal with but the more I thought about it and read your responses, it is crazy I am trusting near-strangers with my dc's life.

Good for you! If they allow this, it won't end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously you’re losing your mind over a cupcake? You stick an allergy friendly cupcake or other snack in your kid’s bag and call it a day. You don’t ruin the entire day for everyone else.

The person ruining people's day is the one encouraging this nonsense of soliciting parents for private medical information to try and advocate for a change to a very reasonable rule.

Not having a cupcake doesn't ruin anyone's day. If your child is so fragile that they feel like their day is ruined, why don't you stick a cupcake in their lunch?

OP, I would approach the teacher and principal and let them know that this is going on, and that you appreciate that the school has a policy that protects both your child's health, and your child's privacy and that you assume that the rule will be upheld. I would not participate in the chat.

This is the best advice.