Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the problem was asking; it was being angry when you said no instead of graciously accepting.

I suspect the asker won’t be angry. OP’s anxiety is causing her to believe the asker is going to be angry with her. I suspect the OP comes from the “it can’t hurt to ask” camp.

I am the op and I do not ask favors. I always feel like it's imposing on people. I do favors for others but not huge ones like this one! And yes, the person is angry. It's something they really need done, and I am the easy way out of their pickle...to them!

Did you tell them "I can't do X for you because when I was in that situation, I did Y to avoid X?"

Anonymous wrote:Usually if they have the social cluelessness to ask for something inappropriate, you mustn't feel bad saying no, and ignoring all of their emotions after that.

And keep in mind that autistic people often don't have a good sense of what's socially appropriate or not. My husband is the sort who asks. Usually he doesn't mind when people say no. He also doesn't understand that people might be uncomfortable at saying no, because in their shoes he wouldn't mind declining.

2 types make inappropriate asks for large favors from people where there is not a close relationship and mutual help-the socially clueless and the socially manipulative. You know what you are dealing with when you see how they react to you gently, but firmly saying no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta tell us what the ask is

I really can’t bc it’s too specific but it involves a very long drive and time away all bc they realized after the fact they can’t take care of it themselves. I could fix the problem but they have alternative ways to deal with it as well they don’t want to explore bc involving me would be less stressful to them. If I say no this will have repercussions for me and the person will remember and hold it against me.

You have to not only get comfortable saying "no" but give her a look of shock for even asking. People who ask for major favors when you aren't close and you doubt they would do it for you are predatorial. Show her you aren't easy prey. You mention having to deal with her again and often, well better she learn now that you aren't easy bait. If you so it, I guarantee she won't appreciate it for long and the big asks will continue. I know the type well because before middle age I was easy prey.

Anonymous wrote:Why do they do it? This person is in a big bind but the favor is a lot to ask. I was cornered and did not say yes and now they are pissed. This is the sort of thing I’d never ask of someone.

Those who ask big favors and then become angry when someone says "no" are usually entitled and have other personality issues. My mother and sister are like this. They also try to trap people in and act very charming before the ask. They are also the type where any gift comes with undisclosed strings and rage if you don't give in when the strings are finally pulled which is why we have a no gift policy with them.

It's ok to say no to an unreasonable ask. They may feel disappointed. If they end the friendship over that feeling, then you know the friendship wasn't worth doing this for anyway.

I can tell you that if you don't dig the hole deep enough people will eventually discover what you did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the problem was asking; it was being angry when you said no instead of graciously accepting.

I suspect the asker won’t be angry. OP’s anxiety is causing her to believe the asker is going to be angry with her. I suspect the OP comes from the “it can’t hurt to ask” camp.

I am the op and I do not ask favors. I always feel like it's imposing on people. I do favors for others but not huge ones like this one! And yes, the person is angry. It's something they really need done, and I am the easy way out of their pickle...to them!

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly tell them: I was in the same situation and it was too much for me, I am an anxious person. Here’s what I did, maybe it will work for you as well. I just can’t deal with the drive, neither for myself nor for anyone else.

+1

OP said it in the second post: they foresaw the issue and made arrangements. Tell the cheeky loser what you did and tell them to feel very free to do the same.

Move on.

You were the easy ask and now that you said no, the friend needs to find on an alternative. That’s life, don’t worry about it.

I think someone wants OP to drop their kid off at camp. OP isn’t dropping her own kid off at camp bc she’s afraid to drive.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the problem was asking; it was being angry when you said no instead of graciously accepting.

I suspect the asker won’t be angry. OP’s anxiety is causing her to believe the asker is going to be angry with her. I suspect the OP comes from the “it can’t hurt to ask” camp.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta tell us what the ask is

I really can’t bc it’s too specific but it involves a very long drive and time away all bc they realized after the fact they can’t take care of it themselves. I could fix the problem but they have alternative ways to deal with it as well they don’t want to explore bc involving me would be less stressful to them. If I say no this will have repercussions for me and the person will remember and hold it against me.

Sounds like the person asked you to drive up to their summer cabin and turn the hose off.

No. I will say it’s a nearly 8 hour round trip.

Then say no and let the friendship die.

For heaven sakes, you don’t let the friendship die becuase they ASKED you for something you don’t want to do. You say no and judge them. And then you both move on. It’s over. No big deal.

I would honestly tell them: I was in the same situation and it was too much for me, I am an anxious person. Here’s what I did, maybe it will work for you as well. I just can’t deal with the drive, neither for myself nor for anyone else.

I had a neighbor like this! The asking of favors was out of control. I stopped answering
the phone and texts. She would then leave an urgent message making me think it was an emergency. Her next trick was to then wait for me to go to my car and run over to ask. I would tell her no to anything no matter what. She would say - but why not??? Me - too busy with my own life! This situation helped me learn to say to so many other things I really didn’t want to do.