I sort of hate this trend. Teens are all about the boba drinks, the Starbucks, the fast causal food- not only is it expensive, it is so unhealthy. It’s a poor habit to get into. We never did this as teens. There’d be the occasional 7-11 stop for a slurpee (so much cheaper than boba), but we weren’t getting meals out on the regular.

Anonymous wrote:+1 to appreciate the friends and her willingness to come to dinner even if she isn't eating your food.

Where is the money coming from for the meals with friends? Eating out is expensive. Lots of DCUM teens are out of touch when it comes to learning the value of money. I'd be concerned about that.

Op here—she babysits a lot and had a summer job last summer (but fewer social opportunities) so she pulls from her stash of cash that she hasn’t put in her bank account. She doesn’t spend much on makeup (barely wears any) or clothes (prefers thrifting and we buy her the basics) so she really isn’t taking our money for these extra treats and meals.

I’ve been on dcum a long time (since this teen was a baby!) and this has been one of my favorite threads, I’m so appreciative of the support

+1 to appreciate the friends and her willingness to come to dinner even if she isn't eating your food.

Where is the money coming from for the meals with friends? Eating out is expensive. Lots of DCUM teens are out of touch when it comes to learning the value of money. I'd be concerned about that.

Anonymous wrote:This is developmentally appropriate! Your chick is fledging and learning to feed herself.

But she's well-socialized enough to still sit with the family, make conversation, etc, even though she doesn't need the food.

Take the win!

+1000

Yeah - I wouldn't get bent out of shape about it. It's great that DD still sits and chats with you while others are eating. Take that as a win.

Maybe just ask for a heads up if you need to adjust recipe downward?

We generally will try to eat together when possible, but with schedules, it's many times making and then reheating later.

Anonymous wrote:This is developmentally appropriate! Your chick is fledging and learning to feed herself.

But she's well-socialized enough to still sit with the family, make conversation, etc, even though she doesn't need the food.

Take the win!

Excellent advice!

Honestly, I would be thrilled that (1) she still sits down and socializes and (2) she is being mindful about eating (e.g., recognizes that she is full from 'snacks' and doesn't just eat because it's in front of her). And, of course, that she is happy and socializing!

Would try not to worry about it.

I always feel a little hurt when my husband isn’t hungry at dinner because he had a late lunch or whatever, and I can imagine feeling the same way about my kids. But that’s a me problem.

Anonymous wrote:

The poster that mentioned requiring a fruit and a vegetable has the right idea. Yes, the rest is normal and desirable socializing but imparting a little dietary education about balance and fiber is not a bad thing.

I feel like when a kid has gotten to 16/17 the window for nutritional education and good habits has closed. Gotta impart that early and consistently. Now the parents' job is launching and laying the foundation for the relationship you'll have in their adulthood. (Ideally one that does not include nagging them about their diet.)

Man, this was such a nice thread til the miseries arrived.

Re: the PP who might find herself cooking for one or for 12... yeah, that's a stumper! My kids sometimes text me "is it ok if Jack and Max and Bell and Avery come home with me after practice?" and I'm all "yes, I want you to bring your friends home and I want to feed all the kids but I was going to make burgers and we only have a pound of meat and if this meeting wraps on time I can make it to the store and..."

So what I do in those cases is I transfer some extra money to the kid's step card and ask them to swing by the store for whatever I need to feed the crew.

This wouldn't bother me. My 16 yo isn't into family dinners anymore, so I'd be happy she sits down with you and engages!

I agree with the advice to ignore, but it is one of those things that would silently bug me as well, so I get it.

I would be overjoyed if my child had good friends to hang out with after school. She doesn’t.

The poster that mentioned requiring a fruit and a vegetable has the right idea. Yes, the rest is normal and desirable socializing but imparting a little dietary education about balance and fiber is not a bad thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You suck it up and deal with it. It is totally normal. You can ask her for a heads up on the days she does this if it affects the quantity of food you are making, but otherwise, let it go.

+1. Happens with my DD relatively regularly. Try to focus on what you noted about being happy she has a good social life and solid friends.

Thanks, that’s what we have been doing. I needed a reality check! I truly am happy that she has solid friends, she had a rough couple of years with friend betrayals and a lot of tears, so it’s been a breath of fresh air I will focus on the positive!

Keep it up!