Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh did nothing. Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant. My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min. My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet. She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance. Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago. She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs. I'm so sad.

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad? Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day? You seem like you're looking for a problem.

You misread the entire post. Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned. Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card. (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card. 'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about. My family did nothing and lied to my face. Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up. They literally did nothing - except the younger one.

Not PP, but you're old enough to set your own expectations and announce what you want for that day. I do not expect anything from my family on Mother's Day, apart from my husband's flowers - because *he* loves flowers and therefore will always remember them, ha!!! I cook my favorite foods, and tell someone else to clean up, because it's how I want the day to go. We usually go for a nice walk. It's also how I celebrate my birthday!

I do not expect my teen and young adult to make cards - sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, if they do it's always last-minute. I don't expect them to remember on their own. We all have ADHD. At their age, I didn't remember either, and my father would give a last-minute gift to my mother (usually jewelry in her favorite colors).

Your teen lied to you because they sensed your disappointment. Stop expecting something they can't give, it's going to make everyone miserable, including yourself.

Maybe, but a lie is a lie. Dh lied too once the other one said 'we planned this yesterday'. Honestly it's not too much to ask for them to tell the truth. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize this would upset you. Please let me help with dinner." But I suppose you would this I'm expecting too much because I'm a woman and have feelings, which are only supposed to be positive. Honestly I've never forgot Christmas, Easter, valentines, birthdays Thanksgiving. Yet I'm suppose to live being a servant without thanks. I get it.

OP: did you do anything for your kid on National Teenager Day (March 21)? If so, then you have every right to complain. If not, then you don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me this is normal. My husband sent flowers and made dinner reservations for the 3 of us, but for the first time ever my 15 year old didn't even make me a card. Is this normal self-absorbed teen behavior?

When my son was younger (12ish) I helped him understand what is important to me for mother's day. There needs to be a card that he has picked out himself. He started making sure I had a card, even if his dad had to pay for it early on.......Mine is not crafty and would not likely make a card.

So, I suggest without emotions (no is not the time to be angry or cry) talk with your dc about your feelings and what is important to you (unless you have already done this) and expectations. Hopefully it will resonate.

PP again. Same for birthday's. We also went to brunch somewhere I wanted to go.

Anonymous wrote:Tell me this is normal. My husband sent flowers and made dinner reservations for the 3 of us, but for the first time ever my 15 year old didn't even make me a card. Is this normal self-absorbed teen behavior?

When my son was younger (12ish) I helped him understand what is important to me for mother's day. There needs to be a card that he has picked out himself. He started making sure I had a card, even if his dad had to pay for it early on.......Mine is not crafty and would not likely make a card.

So, I suggest without emotions (no is not the time to be angry or cry) talk with your dc about your feelings and what is important to you (unless you have already done this) and expectations. Hopefully it will resonate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh did nothing. Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant. My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min. My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet. She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance. Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago. She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs. I'm so sad.

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad? Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day? You seem like you're looking for a problem.

You misread the entire post. Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned. Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card. (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card. 'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about. My family did nothing and lied to my face. Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up. They literally did nothing - except the younger one.

Why did ask the younger one when she made the card? Why not allow your family to save face that they were planning for you. I think you get off on stories about being forgotten by your family. Why not clearly express what you want each year and then hold firm to it?

Right. It's all me. I'm not allowed to have emotions, especially negative ones. I am, however, allowed to be the family slave and emotional garbage can. You must be my husband.

My 13 yo didn't even wish me a Happy Mother's Day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your DC love making cards? Since they are no longer in preschool or elementary that seems like an unrealistic expectation. You are lucky--and likely in the minority--that you got them for the past several years. Mine are 13 & 15 and it's been AGES since I got a handmade card.

Unless you are in an area where kids can do independent shopping/card purchase I don't think you can expect them to do something else without the support of another parent/adult.

It seems like your DH tried and did nice things, so if it's not exactly what you wanted why not tell him to "coach" DC.

Years ago we came up with the perfect (for me) mother's Day, a simple bfast that DH / kids make, small/fun or practical gifts, and just hanging out, a walk/hike if weather cooperates. Over the years, I think I figured out my favorite ways to celebrate and I've been honest.

I'd be happy if they planned to stay in and play games together. Or just make a simple meal and clean up after it.

I got to go to the grocery store, make all the food and clean all the mess. Again. Every day for the last 20 years. I also plan all the holidays, vacations, birthdays (including mine), then whe someone doesn't like it I'm the one they complain to.

Quit being a martyr OP.

OP- why didn’t you take yourself out to dinner when you noticed the day wasn’t what you wanted. Sounds like your family needs clear instructions on what you expect. Do that a week or so in advance.

I think OP’s family is lame. I have two juniors in high school. They each took an AP exam last week and one of them has 3 more this week, including a particularly difficult one today. Each of my kids made me a card. One has ADHD and probably only spent 1-2 minutes on it. She likes to write and really has a way with words, so I had asked to write something about me as a mother. Instead she made a card that said, “I love you more than words can say.” Lol, that’s just her. My other dd (the one with 3 APs this week and her prom on Friday) really likes to make cards and she’s known for making some pretty elaborate ones. She didn’t disappoint. My kids took turns feeding and walking the dog. I got to take a nap.

My children’s father and I are in the middle of getting divorced. I had told dd in advance what I wanted to eat on Mother’s Day. She coordinated with her dad and he ordered the food and delivered it to us and stayed for a family dinner. Even though we’re divorcing, he had texted me to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day earlier in the day. He also sent flowers, “from the kids.” I will make a nice Father’s Day for him too, because our kids deserve happy family memories and stress free holidays.

If my family can pull off a nice Mother’s Day, OP’s family can too.

I’m pretty direct with my kids: I want an elegant brunch with everyone dressed nicely and acting kind to each other. I’m not a gifts person. You have to speak up about what you want. And if they don’t do it after you’ve said how you would like the holiday went, it’s ok to speak up about that too.’

DD, 13, and DH got up abruptly from the dinner table the night before MD and said they needed to go out on their own. DD said, "Plastic bags ruin the environment" and "Don't look" as she stuffed boxes etc underneath her shirt and scurried by upon their return from shopping. She put together a basket of hand creams and other beauty supplies as well as made a coupon book with chores that could be redeemed. It included mascara because apparently she took mine a while ago, whuch she admitted. DH made dinner for the entire family, including my mom. While DH likely does more work for MD, my kid puts effort in, which I appreciate. She also makes me laugh.

Anonymous wrote:My 20 yr old DS (who is just home from college) ran out in the evening to get a card and some flowers and chocolate. I pretended to not know where he was going. The card was not cheesy, he wrote a very thoughtful message on it which I liked. He also spent the day playing golf with me. Older son came for dinner with his live in girlfriend and made dinner for me. I enjoyed it all. Perfect? Don't know. Worked for me, I was happy. No complaints.

Sounds like a perfect day to me!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh did nothing. Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant. My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min. My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet. She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance. Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago. She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs. I'm so sad.

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad? Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day? You seem like you're looking for a problem.

You misread the entire post. Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned. Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card. (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card. 'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about. My family did nothing and lied to my face. Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up. They literally did nothing - except the younger one.

Sorry fellow mom, if I knew you, I'd take you for a nice dinner. Everyone can drop the ball from time to time but they shouldn't have let you make dinner. Its OK to say "it's going to be mother's day/my birthday tomorrow/next week and I would love a card and dinner at place I love". It still counts if you remind them

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me this is normal. My husband sent flowers and made dinner reservations for the 3 of us, but for the first time ever my 15 year old didn't even make me a card. Is this normal self-absorbed teen behavior?

Are you kidding?

You expect a 15 YO to MAKE you a card? Your poor kids.

Let them grow up OP. You don't have kindergarteners anymore, in case you haven't noticed.

Growing up means you take responsibility for acknowledging loved ones. Your teen can write out 2-3 sentences, even they are not in kindergarten, or they have an AP test, or they like to forgot other people, or their father doesn’t remember. It’s a low bar but it’s okay to hold it out firmly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh did nothing. Then when I asked if we had plans he said 'oh I was going to take you out for lunch', at a fast food restaurant. My 9 year old ran up stairs and scribbled a picture of flowers in 5 min. My 15 year old wasn't even out of bed yet. She then came down after hearing the conversation telling me that her and DH had discussed this all in advance. Then she put my card on my bathroom vanity telling me she had made it days ago. She didn't hand it to me, she just told me it was upstairs. I'm so sad.

Your elementary school kid drew you a picture, your high schooler bought a card and discussed taking you out to eat in advance with your husband, and you're . . . so sad? Having a Mother's Day card left for you to find when you wake up instead of pressed into your hand is enough to ruin the day? You seem like you're looking for a problem.

You misread the entire post. Good job.
1. I asked of anything was planned. Dh said 'no'
2. Dh says let's go out to eat at a crappy restaurant that you don't like.
3. I say no thanks.
4. Younger child goes up stairs and scribbles a card. (It was a nice gesture) and brings it to me 5 min later.
5. Older daughter comes downstairs after hearing everything and lies to me that she and her father planned everything in advance and that her younger sister made the card with her the day before.
6. I question reality and ask the younger one when she made the card. 'Just now' she says.

You're right I have nothing to be upset about. My family did nothing and lied to my face. Oh, and I got to make dinner for everyone and do all the clean up. They literally did nothing - except the younger one.

Not PP, but you're old enough to set your own expectations and announce what you want for that day. I do not expect anything from my family on Mother's Day, apart from my husband's flowers - because *he* loves flowers and therefore will always remember them, ha!!! I cook my favorite foods, and tell someone else to clean up, because it's how I want the day to go. We usually go for a nice walk. It's also how I celebrate my birthday!

I do not expect my teen and young adult to make cards - sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, if they do it's always last-minute. I don't expect them to remember on their own. We all have ADHD. At their age, I didn't remember either, and my father would give a last-minute gift to my mother (usually jewelry in her favorite colors).

Your teen lied to you because they sensed your disappointment. Stop expecting something they can't give, it's going to make everyone miserable, including yourself.